Im poor and jobless
Please i need to live and also have money to get jobs, and to pay for medical bills that suddenly happen
0/800
you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers
get creatured idiot
oh thank fuck i thought i was never gonna get creatured
when people put "trigger warning" on their content without specifying what the trigger warning is for
this post contains notes
does it?
does it though?
Fuck is going on here
post expired
Son of no notes ghost post.
obsessed with how tumblr just sometimes Does This
Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated
Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-
Me: he needs to be sedated
Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-
Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off
Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate
Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him
Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him
Me:
A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file
Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:
- Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears
- Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night
- Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning
- Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels
- Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash
- Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4
- Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack
- Tricked me into loving him forever anyway
Ripped an escape hole
in the patio screen door
in a single night
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!
the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend
Waver becomes Lord El-Melloi II.
Yes I decided to rewatch Case Files why do you ask?
i've been learning sculpting in blender with this dragon!! and having a blast discovering modifiers to play with 🐲👅
added teefs!! blender crashed but thankfully didn't lose much progress lmao
lots of trial and error on the horns and some scales 💦 also learned to make the eyes with just shaders! 👀
Okay two things
1) every time I see something like this, or photos of wild unrealistic landscapes that really exist, or spectacular architecture, whatever it is, I think again that when we write fantasy, we NERF REALITY. That is, here’s some dude with a special interest and a brain that somehow lacks basic self preservation mechanisms, and he’s out here looking like a super hero. Regular humans are capable of things we seem super human. Real landscapes are more fantastical than our fantasies. Reality is more fantastical than our fantasies.
2) how the fuck did he not kick out any windows that’s the most impressive part of the whole video.
this man is his own zombie apocalypse team, adding anyone else would just slow him down
So as someone who used to teach parkour back in the day, this dude isn’t just talented. His technique is amazing.
It’s not just about not kicking out windows. Controlling how you land is about shock absorption, about minimizing the strain on your joints. It also makes you quieter when you move. A good landing should be as silent as possible, because loud landings hurt. That’s the foundation of everything else you do in parkour. So by the time you’re climbing buildings, if you’re breaking windows it means you don’t have enough control to land safely and it’s time to go back to your ground basics.
Be the rogue you want to see in the world.
Yeah so this is the guy who tests the Ninja Warrior stuff. He’s like an Olympian of parkour, that’s why this looks so good.
kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)
Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.
I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.
Scientifically Proven Perfect Extremely Easy Grilled Cheese
INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy
INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.
-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.
super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.
METHOD
- Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).
- Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.
- The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.
- When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.
- When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)
That’s literally it. I really hope this helps.
outta my way gayboy im making this sandwich
oh. oh my god. holy fuck. what. how. why. this is delicious. i kinda burned my bread and my cheese didnt melt all the way but it's still the best thing ive ever tasted?????
oh my god. this is so fucking good. the butter melting and absorbing the spices and herbs already smelled amazing, but then i threw the bread on and it started smelling EVEN BETTER. then i took a bite. holy FUCK this is better than sex. i legitimately believe that Innes Keeper stole this shit from Prometheus, there's no other way to explain why this is so easy to make, yet so FUCKING good, other than cheating a god.
I didn't steal it from Prometheus he's my trophy husband!
ok me and my partner went back and made this. exact words upon eating were “we’ve cheated god” and “i feel like my world just got rocked” and then we were both energized to get back to drawing. proof:
please make innes keeper’s scientifically proven perfect extremely easy grilled cheese
I'M PUTTING THIS ON THE FRIDGE (WHERE I KEEP ALL MY CHEESE)
Alright welp I'm legally obligated to try this some time around. I'll update you when I do
Oh wow,, okay that was nice. That was really nice. My choice of cheese kinda sucked because I picked the cheapest one I found but even still it was awesome. Definitely will be making this again
I warned you!!! I warned you about the cheese dog!!!!! I told you bro!!!!!!!!!
Could onion maybe substitute the garlic? I'm allergic.
Easily! That honestly sounds rly good.
Okay as someone who does have love and appreciation for different and fancy cheese, I maintain that for a simple plain grilled cheese, perhaps with tomato soup, American cheese singles is the way to go. It’s the only appropriate use for them, and it’s excellent and tastes like home. However. I took your warning to heart and used some regular cheddar and mozzarella for this
And boy oh boy is this tasty. 100/10. Great way to start the morning
You’re an ancient Greek man coming home from 4 months of war to find your wife 3 months pregnant. Now you’ve embarked on a solemn quest: to punch Zeus in the face.
Soon after you begin your quest, you encounter another man in a similar situation. You decide to join forces, as two mortal men stand a better chance at punching Zeus than one. Two villages over, you encounter a woman who had relations with Zeus and was left with a highly aggressive half-boar half-man offspring. She too feels your anger and offers to join your quest. By the time you reach Mount Olympus, you’ve amassed a large and formidable army of cuckolded/ravished mortals, demigods with daddy issues, mythical creatures with scores to settle, and a seamstress who you’re pretty sure is Hera in disguise. Zeus never stood a chance.
What I find best about this scenario is that the original wife probably expected to be murdered for her infidelity at worst or have her relationship with her husband ruined as he grew to resent her baby, at best.
Instead this man looked at his beloved and said, “who did it?”
And she replied “Zeus,” accepting he probably wouldn’t believe her.
And then he sighed, strapped his sandals back on and said, “I’ll be back before the baby is born.”
“Where are you-?”
“The lord of the sky came into my house, molested my wife in my bed and ate my food. I am going to settle the score.”
“Darling, he’ll kill you.”
“He may try, if he would like.”
You’re so right, that IS the best part.
I’m personally caught up on the seamstress.
“The pathway up Olympus is guarded by dozens of traps and perils strong enough to thwart even the Titans. How are we going to get past all of…” the shepherd boy with golden eagle feathers gestured uselessly at the slopes above them, particularly the herd of eight-legged goats snorting fire.
“There’s a way around,” Yiorgos said, though he was not specifically asked. But he had been the first to begin the march on Olympus, and so felt obligated to take the lead whenever possible, “In the stories there’‘s always a way around whatever obstacles the Gods place in our way.”
He hadn’t meant the words to come out as a question, but they had that lilt to them none-the-less. And even though he hadn’t meant it to be a question, much less a question directed at anyone specific, it was directed at one all the same. Just as the eagle-feathered shepherd boy’s had.
“Way I heard it,” a woman’s voice said. Rough with the Mycenaean Greek equivalent of a backwoods accent, and with the depth of a farmer’s wife who straps cattle to her back to carry to market, “there’s a back path. Hidden behind an invisible door that only one key in the world can open.” Everyone’s eyes had turned to the broad older woman in heavy shawl sitting amidst supplies in the foremost cart. “Least, that’s what my grand-mammy always told me.” she added after a moment of dozens of eyes on her.
“Oh, we were so foolish!” That was Lydia, a lithe waif of a woman, many months pregnant, sitting opposite the seamstress in the wagon. “Of course there’d be a.. a quest. They’d keep such a key in the depths of Tartarus or in the golden chariot of Apollo, or, or-”
“Or”, the older woman cut her off in a voice both firm, but much gentler than she used on anyone else, “he’s like all husbands and has been promising to move the key someplace better for the past three thousand years but hasn’t gotten around to it.” She gestured vaguely to the hillside, “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was under, say, that bush right over there.”
It was. Of course. And everyone in the caravan agreed that it had been a very lucky and wise guess from the nameless woman and for the upteenth time since she first sat herself down in the front wagon and announced she was coming along with no further explanation, each and every last member very purposefully gave no further thought to the matter.
Does anyone have that geats gif where the guy is dodging bullets by doing the fish flop
Bonus:
Implicit storytelling in two tweets:
Yeah. They did that. I bet the ‘clarification’ came as a result of some strong legal threats.
So be aware in the coming weeks that if your favorite actor reportedly says something shitty about the strike that makes your blood boil? Check the sources. There’s going to be a lot of uh, spin in the news.
It says "Invest"
hehe-food-deactivated20210615
Folgers CEO
rotsuko
is this even funny i dont think its funny im not putting it in the tags
How has this comic made such a groundbreaking cultural impact without getting over 40k notes