mean girl has a crush on local hero 📸

arranged marriage daminette but instead of being lovey dovey they're just chill about it but they never tell anyone

like one day mari goes "oh my husband likes this shade of green" and adrien's like "ur husband??? you're married??" and mari doesn't even bat an eyelash, "yeah i got kidnapped by assassins and was forced into a magical blood-bound marriage contract with their heir. we meet like a few times a year to clobber each other with swords and sewing needles. pretty fun."

meanwhile, the batfam can't figure out if damian's joking about his wife or not because there is no way he made it all up just to mess with them

also dami would just randomly go "i miss my wife"

"YOUR WHAT-"

Married?

A/N: This was based off of this post check it out. I hope I did it justice and y'all enjoy it. I will do a Part with Damian after this one.

@taewinterbear95 I hope you like it. Sorry it took me a while to write this out.

@maanae Here you go. I hope I did it justice.

@swaggermcjagger hope you like it!

~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~🧵~⚔~

Summary: Everyone finds out that Damian and Marinette are married and freak out.

It had been close to a year since the marriage ceremony between the heir of the League of Assasins and the Grand Guardian of the Order. Marinette and Damian have so far met twice in the time given that they are both straight out of high school and entering University. After the marriage ceremony Marinette had gone back to her usual days. Damian as well went back to going by his usual schedule. It was only at certain times that the two would call each other up and update the other on their everyday life. Marinette would tell him of the new design she has drawn up as well as the clients she is currently working with. Damian would tell her about his pets as well as the new rescues he has hiding from his father.

"Marinette are you ready to go," Adrien asked from her living room.

"Yes, I just need my bag," she said, grabbing her purse.

After making sure that the kwamis were safe and had their snacks the two of the headed out to buy some new fabric Marinette needed. Adrien had volunteered to help her carry the rolls of fabric and other stuff she needed in exchange for some pastries. The two of them chatted basically updating the other on their daily stuff. Once at the fabric shop Marinette made quick work on searching for the fabric.

"Who is the commission for this time," Adrien asked, looking at the colorful material.

"Uncle Jagged, he needs a suite for a wedding his is going to be attending," she said, finding a green material.

"Oh, my husband likes this shade of green. Maybe I should make him something," she said, picking up an emerald green fabric.

"Your husband? Wait you're married since when," Adrien said, shocked.

He tried to remember when Marinette had even started dating and nothing came up. No one had even mentioned her dating someone.

"Yes, I got kidnapped a while back by some assassins and was forced into a magical blood-bound marriage contract with their heir. We meet every chance we get and spare with swords and needles. It's pretty fun," she said, a sigh escaping her lips.

"Wait are you serious how come you never told anyone," Adrien asked, confused.

"It never came up," she said, grabbing some other fabrics.

After getting everything she needed they headed back to her apartment and dropped off her stuff. Chloe had called earlier complaining that they don't see each other enough and wanted to meet for lunch. Chloe had managed to take over her father's hotel and became a well-known businesswoman.

"Adrikins, Mari, you made it," Chloe greeted as the two of them walked into the hotel restaurant.

"Chloe, it's nice to see you too," Marinette said.

"Is everyone else here," Adrien asked, searching for the others.

"Yes, you two are the last ones," Chloe said.

Kagami, Luka, Nino and Alya sat at a table chatting before the other three walked to the table.

"I see you two finally made it," Alya smirked.

"Hello you two," Luka and Kagami greeted.

"Yo, Dude, Dudette finally," Nino grinned.

Adrien and Marinette took their seats and ordered food before catching up. Halfway thru the meal Marinette's phone went off.

"Ah, It's my husband I should answer this," Marinette said, answering her phone.

"Wait, did she say husband," Alya said, shocked.

"HUSBAND," Chloe gasped.

"Hello, Oh I see well I should have time off next week if you wish to come visit. I do not mind. I do have a commission I need to finish for Uncle Jagged. Oh then I shall see you in two days. Yes, I as well," Marinette said before hanging up the phone.

She looked up at her friends all of them with shocked and confused looks on their faces.

"Is something wrong," Marinette asked, confused.

"Since when have you been married," Nino asked, confused.

"I believe today would mark ten months," Marinette answered, taking a sip of her tea.

"How," Alya asked.

"Oh, I got kidnapped a while back by some assassins and was forced into a magical blood-bound marriage contract with their heir. Would you like to see a picture of him," she answered, taking out her phone and pulling up a photo of him.

"This is him; he is planning to visit in two days but would rather spend his time with me than with other people," she said, showing them the picture.

"Wait, Mari that is Damian Wayne. He is Bruce Wayne's son one of the riches man in Gotham," Chloe said, shocked.

"Leave it to Mari-hime to attract the rich," Kagami chuckled.

"Oh, I didn't know that," Marinette said.

"Do we get to meet him when he visits," Adrien asked.

"Of course, you are all family and he has to meet you sooner or later. Mama and Papa already love him," she answered.

"Wait, your parents already met him and know you are married," Alya said, shocked.

"Of course, who do you think supplies the kwamis with their snacks," Marinette said.

"Well, Dudette you sure know how to keep us on our toes," Nino chuckled.

They spent the rest of their day talking about how Marinette and Damian got to where they were and every other little detail leading to it.

Marinette, Lex Luthor's mother

It’s a crazy idea, but let’s imagine that Marinette and Felix are Lex Luthor’s biological parents.

Marinette was a loving mother. Lex loved his mom more than anything. He had a deep respect for his dad. However, his family life was chaotic, mostly because Felix was an asshole (to others, not to his family). As a result, they had many enemies.  

One day Lex’s parents disappeared in a plane crash, leaving him an orphan. As he was a very intelligent boy, he was adopted by the Luthor family who wanted a child. He was then 16 years old.

Angry, abandoned and alone, Lex became increasingly unstable. The loss of his parents left him with a big hole in his heart. To avoid suffering this kind of pain, he will close himself and think only about himself. All that matters is him. The rest? They are only pawns to serve him.

He eventually succeeded in taking control of the Luthor empire. He drove out his adoptive parents. He had no feelings towards these people.

 Several years passed.

During another alien invasion of Earth, Lex’s parents were resurrected by mistake.

 They will discover what their “baby” has become. Felix is laughing out loud. Marinette is FURIOUS.

Lex is going to be yelled at like a little boy for hours, in front of the heroes. And Lex won’t have a say in the matter. He is too shocked to see his parents alive and especially…. He’s not crazy to stand up to his mother. Even his father Felix, had NEVER dared to oppose his mother. “Father….mother?” “(Chuckles) I can’t believe you’ve become a villain cliché. *holds his stomach*… Oh kid, daddy is so proud.(Laughs)” “…..” “Felix… Stop laughing.” “*cough*” “I said …. Stop laughing.” “(suddenly shuts up)” Lex swallowed. Marinette slowly turned to Lex, then approached him. Suddenly she pulled his ear toward her.

“You little brat!!! You’ re in deep trouble! I DIDN’T RAISE YOU LIKE THAT!”

The Justice League stood there in absolute silence, completely fascinated by the scene before them.

Marinette forced Lex to apologize. (And Felix during all this time, observes his wife while doing his best not to laugh. He doesn’t want to have the wrath of his terrifying little wife against him.) No one will take him seriously after this.

I cannot get the idea of Marinette being an absolute menace on twitter with a shit post account and constantly making fun of celebrities

Especially Damian, she just posts cat photos with "This You?" under every single one of his posts

She ends up getting her account suspended for 'Harassing' Damian and he just tweets out that she wasn't harassing him and if he had an issue with it he would take care of it himself so they should just give her account back to her

When questioned about it he just says she grew on him like a fungus

She posts a hand drawn picture of a cat with mushrooms smiling under he post

He doesn't respond to it but everyone knows he saw it

Star Struck

It wasn’t the first hit that got to Marinette, she wasn’t that petty.  Not to mention, she’d had her fair share of accidents that ended up with the people around her getting pelted with random items.  She really was in no position to judge.  It wasn’t even the second hit that upset her.  It was the fourth hit with the paper that had been folded to look like a star that had gotten to her.  Four hits and no apologies, just mildly exasperated grunts each time, as if it had been an inconvenience to him that she had gotten hit.

Markov had scanned them and assured her they were unfamiliar to him, so it was unlikely to be a vendetta. His prevailing theory was that the man was just really bad at their game of table football.  But Marinette knew it had to be on purpose.  It had to be.  There was no other explanation for hitting her in the exact same spot every time.  If whoever was doing it had that kind of precision, surely they could get the star… ball… thing where it was supposed to go. Unless, where it was supposed to go was her head, which it had to be.

“Look on the bright side,” Alix offered, not bothering to conceal her laughter at the fourth imbedding itself into her hair, “if seeing a falling star is supposed to be lucky, being hit by four has to be a guarantee for a golden future, right?”

“Let’s just go,” Nino offered sympathetically.

“The movie is going to start soon anyway,” Max agreed.

They got up and turned toward the exit just in time to see another flying star coming directly toward Marinette’s head again.  She squawked and flinched back, tripping over a table leg and landing on her bottom just in time for the paper star to hit her in the head… again.

Keep reading

Teacher au where one of the bat kids and Marinette both end up becoming teachers at the same school, the subjects they teach are up to the writer.

I don't know why but the students of both teachers are now divided into a war, half think the two of them would make a cute couple, the other half refuse to let them get together, cause No! Its weird!

Cue the shippers setting up run ins with the two and the anti shippers running interference.

Scene:

*Batkid talking with anti shipper student when Marinette walks by*

Marinette: Hi! *Waves as she walks*

Batkid: Hey *Waves back with a smile*

Student, now panicking: No! Teach! *Grabs batkids face and pulls them down to their eye level* You need to stay focused! Stay focused! You CANNOT fall in love with her! I forbid it.

Batkid, removing their face from their students hands: First of all, I am your teacher, do not grab me like that. Second of all, I am not going to fall in love with Ms. Dupain-Cheng we are just coworkers...*Glances back out the door to see if they can see her again*

The entire class, anti shippers with dismay, shippers with glee: He's already in love with her!

*23 year old Marinette and Chloe at a bar in Gotham*

Marinette, straight up vibing when she spots Jason: Chloe, Chloe he is so pretty what do I do?

Chloe, being viciously shaken by the arm by Marinette looking over at Jason: Do you mean tall, dark, and scary? We avoid him

Marinette practically vibrating: No, He is hot. He is very much so attractive. I'm gonna go shoot my shot

Chloe, pulling Marinette back by her ponytail: Oh no you don't. He would crush you like a bug

Marinette, glaring at Chloe: oh I wish he would. Preferably with his thighs

Chloe, completely done: You have issues Mar. You have issues.

Marinette, freeing her hair from Chloe: Hopefully they are issues he likes, now let go I need to go seduce him

Roy, who had been sent to get them drinks and was watching Marinette thirst over Jason: *Snort*

Chloe, who has been waiting for an excuse to throw hands with somebody: Whats so funny, Carrots?

Roy, shakes his head and turns to Jason: Hey Jay! Help me carry these back to the table?

*Jason looks over and sees Roy pointing at a very red girl staring at him before she sprints towards the bathroom, pulling a blonde with her*

Jason: What was that about?

Roy, walking back to the table: A little miss somebody has a crush on you. She was going to shoot her shot but her friend thought you were bad news. Seems like it was part of the appeal to her though.

Jason, now looking towards the bathroom in hopes of seeing her: Is that so? Was it the blonde or the one with freckles?

Roy, smirking at Jason: How did you notice her freckles? Were you staring?

*Jason shoves Roy, blushing as he walks to the bathrooms*

Roy, shouting after him: That's it buddy! Follow your dreams! She's just behind that door!

*Jason does not return.*

Y'all know that "There is no war in Ba Sing Se" lady?

All I can picture is Marinette getting a tiktok and cosplaying her but instead of Ba Sing Se she says Paris and one of the younger heros finds it and laughs it off before deciding to humor them self and look into it

Turns out there is a war in Paris and that is how the Justice League finds out

It was a last ditch effort on Marinette's part because everything else got blocked from leaving Paris and she cries when several heros show up on her balcony asking what was going on

Batman: This is my new daughter, Ladybug.

Catwoman: And this is my new son, Chat Noir.

Batman:

Ladybug:

Batman: Oh my God-

Batman: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WE HAD A KID, SELENA?!

Ladybug: Actually that's my-

Batman: Oh my god, he looks just like his old man!

Catwoman: Actually, he doesn't. You're not his-

Chat Noir: Quiet! I'm about to get adopted by a rich white man in a tight dark suit who, unlike my real father, actually cares about me. I'll be anything you want, Man Bat Sir.

If You Mess With Me, You're Messing With My Family

Summary: Being a Wayne means many things. It means being emotionally constipated and stubborn. It means having guilt and hero complexes the size of an entire country. It meant late nights,it meant fist fights and screaming matches but above all, being a Wayne meant that you always had someone watching your back. Wayne's protect their own, for better or worse. No one could mess with a Wayne and Lord help the one that tries. (Also known as Lila threatens Marinette but doesn't exactly get the reaction she's expecting)

_________________________________

If there was one thing Marinette hated more than anything else in the world, it was liars. Whether it be from the media or a certain classmate. In recent weeks, Marinette had gotten really good at ignoring Lila's eyes. It wasn't easy by any means. It had taken several long conversations with Alfred to come up with a plan that would keep most of the heat off of her and eventually put an end to Lila's lies. She wisely made Alfred promise not to tell her siblings. He agreed on the conditions that she keep him informed and that she promised to let them know if it got out of hand. To say Marinette was grateful was an understatement.

Her family was overprotective to say the very least. Even Damian, as prickly as he may be at times. Marinette had no doubt that if they were aware of the situation, they would come swooping to the rescue with lawsuits and most likely some blood in the mix. It was never good when a Wayne lost their temper. Lex Luther had found that out the hard way. She smile fondly at the memory. Had it created a bit of a media storm? Yes. Had it been worth it? Absolutely.

The plan Marinette had cooked up involved a lot of sitting back and waiting, as much as it pained her to do so. Sitting back made it look like she was submissive . It made it look Luke she was bowing down. However, it was necessary. Evidence was a lot easier to collect without everyone hating you. Plus if an incident were to happen, her father would undoubtedly hear about it and that, as she had already pointed out, wouldn't end well.

Despite how much she hated it, Marinette was proud at how well she played her roll. Not that she would have expected anything else, she was the daughter of Batman after all. Lila wasn't the only one who knew how to manipulate the situation in their favor. It was a back and forth game at this point. A game that, despite being frustrating, Marinette couldn't deny she kind of enjoyed. If only to watch the poorly concealed rage on Lila's face when she realized she had been outsmarted. The key to this tactic was mind games, something all the bats were exceptionally good at. By far Marinette's favorite, was to stay silent and watch Lila talk herself into a corner. Everyone had something that caused them to slip up. Lila's was her constant need for attention. When things go quiet, Lila would talk to fill the space in order to keep the attention on her. This often caused her to inadvertently contradict herself or leave small discrepancies in her story. Then all Marinette had to do was point those out. The hard part was pointing them out in a way that sounded genuinely confused and interested instead of accusing and frustrated. She also had to leave some of the alone lest it look like she was trying to search for the bad. Marinette's problem was that she often got over excited which led to mistakes on her part. Patience was something she was working on. She chose to focus on the bigger holes Lila left in her stories. Besides, the goal at this point wasn't to expose her. It was just to sew seeds of doubt. Just enough that people began to take her word with a grain of salt. Maybe someone might actually end up googling her claims for once.

Marinette had worked long and hard on this plan and she could tell it was beginning to work. People no longer followed her blindly. There was even people who would point out contradictions before Marinette had to. In short it was working perfectly. She should have known something would go wrong.

You see the only thing Marinette hated worse than liars, was people who lied about her family. That was by far the quickest way to make her blood boil. Her brothers weren't the only ones that were protective. Being a Wayne means many things. It means being emotionally constipated and stubborn. It means having guilt and hero complexes the size of an entire country. It meant late nights,it meant fist fights and screaming matches but above all, being a Wayne meant that you always had someone watching your back. Wayne's protect their own, for better or worse. No one could mess with a Wayne and Lord help the one that tries. That is why the thing that caused Marinette to break her perfectly crafted disguise, to ruin all the progress she had made, was when she heard Lila Rossi say,

"Damian is a complete and total jerk, He's so mean to everyone. If I was his parent I would have shipped him off to some behavioral correction school," Lila stated confidently. Instantly Marinette's blood pressure sky rocketed. Though Lila at least hadn't tried to paint Damian as sweet and innocent or claimed to be dating the fierce eight year old. IF she had their would have been nothing stopping her from jabbing her pencil into her neck. Still, Damian might be a brat at times, but he was her brat and no one was going to talk about him that way. She could barely hear Alya's reply over the blood roaring in her ears.

"Wow girl, you certainly seem to know the Wayne's well," The astonishment and admiration in her voice almost made Marinette feel sorry for the gullible reporter. Almost.

"Oh yeah, well I traveled to Gotham not long ago. Me and Richard really hit it off. We've been talking ever since," Lila added a rather convincing blush at the end. Marinette's control, snapped. Dick was 24 years old, a stark contrast to their 14.

"Prove it." Marinette's voice was like steel as it rang through the classroom. Everything went silent as her comment seemed to echo throughout the room.

"Excuse me?" Lila questioned, narrowing her eyes.

" You heard me. Show us the text messages that you apparently have had with Richard Grayson," Marinette demanded. Fake tears welled up in Lila's eyes.

"Are you- Are you accusing me of lying?" Her voiced trembled rather convincingly. Marinette might have been impressed if she wasn't so angry. Marinette could feel her face flush but for completely different reasons than Lila.

"Marinette, come on, not this again. I thought we got past this," Alya cut in, disappointment lining her voice, " There is no need for this jealousy. Just because Lila has done some cool things doesn't mean that your accomplishments are lesser."

"Oh believe me I know. I never implied that I felt insecure and I have no reason to be jealous. What I have implied is that I am tired of the lies that spill from Lila's mouth. Especially when those lies can ruin someone's life and reputation," Marinette snapped. Lila let out a sob and Alya opened her mouth again but Marinette fixed her with the significant 'bat glare' as she continued, " I refuse to listen to the poison that you feed everyone you speak too. So listen close Lila cause I'm not going to say it twice, stop the lies or I will stop them for you. And I promise you that my way won't be nearly as pleasant, " The silence in the room was deafening. Several people in the room sat in shock at the cold, angry outburst from their generally sweet and gentle classmates. More people appeared to be angry about her accusations. As he temper began to boil over, she made the wise decision to remove herself from the situation. The last thing she needed was to be akumatized or give into the urge to punch her classmate.

Marinette reveled in the way that the door slammed behind her as she exited. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and took a deep breath once she entered. She paced the floor, attempting to rid herself of her anger induced energy. She still seethed with rage but the longer she was away from the classroom, the calmer she got. She had just managed to reign in her temper once more when she heard the door open behind her, admitting Lila Rossi. Lila stood with a triumphant smirk.

"Alright Dupain-Cheng it seems someone has forgotten our little conversation. But since you've been a good little girl up until now, I will give you one last chance. You are either with me or against me. Your choice but I can assure you my way won't be nearly as pleasant," Marinette had to physically hold herself back from lunging at the girl. Instead she let out a humorless laugh, more of a cackle really, that sent grown men running. She steeled herself, exuding as much confidence as she possibly could. Gone was Marinette Dupain-Cheng and left in her place was Marinette Wayne. Hero of Paris, Vigilante of Gotham, Daughter of Bruce Wayne. Marinette was done pretending to be anything less than the confident girl she was

"My father raised a daughter who was kind, empathetic, responsible, trustworthy, willing to help others, forgiving, someone who put others before herself, and someone who would do the right thing even when it was hard,"Marinette said,slowly walking towards Lila, " But my father did not raise a push over. I have never let anyone walk all over me and I'm not going to start now."

"I will ruin you," Lila spat but Marinette just laughed. The laugh was more genuine this time as she found the prospect truly amusing.

"Oh I would love to see you try. Many people have said that sentence and all of them have yet to succeed.You see Rossi, I am more powerful then you could ever dream to be," Marinette thought of all the tabloids, political figures, and haunty businessmen she had faced over the year. If they couldn't beat her, with all of their resources and influence, than Lila Rossi certainly couldn't.

"Who do you think you are?" Lila scoffed, Marinette had to give it to Lila, she had her to waiver or show any signs of uncertainty. That was more than most people could say. It was common knowledge in Gotham not to make a Wayne angry. They had proved time and time again that they will stop at nothing to gain justice.

"Marinette Wayne, daughter of Bruce Wayne. Trust me Rossi, you can't touch me," That caused Lila to pale ever so slightly, and a look of fear flashed through her eyes. A normal person would have missed it but Marinette had been trained in observation since before she knew what the word meant. It sent a sense of satisfaction rushing through her.

"I will take away everyone you care about. I will turn all of your friends against you,"Lila threatened and Marinette had no doubt that she would and honestly, she didn't care. Lila could have the gullible attention seekers who wanted nothing to do with you unless you benefited them. They didn't want friends, they wanted stepping stones. It would hurt yes,that much she knew, but she had people that would pick her back up.

"Is that supposed to scare me? "Marinette question raising an eyebrow at the empty threat. Lila might be able to convince the akuma class but her best and most trustworthy friends, the ones she held most dear, were not so easily fooled. They may live in Gotham but Marinette had no doubt her siblings could be in Paris within the hour. Whether through Zeta tube,which they had ensured was in place before she moved, or by certain super individuals.

" It should ," Lila replied, standing firm. Marinette smiled,

"Honey, I'm from Gotham, you don't scare me," Marinette mentally put Lila next to any of Gotham's villains and laughed. She left out the fact that all of those villains she had fought at least once. Her nightly activities with her family might be fairly new in Gotham but they weren't in Paris. Marinette shuttered as she remember when they found out that she was Ladybug. To say they had been unhappy was an understatement. It wasn't so much that she was a superhero that had been the issue. It was the fact that she hadn't told them or gone to them for help. It was the fact that she was facing her struggle with Hawkmoth alone. Of course her working with Chat Noir hadn't helped any. His incessant flirting and goofing off had not gone over well. That paired with the fact that he was a boy had her siblings, specifically Jason, after his head.

"You won't be so confident when I'm through with you," Lila stated firmly, fire in her eyes.

"Bring it on Rossi. But let me warn you, Wayne's protect their own. If you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us and trust me, that is not something you want to experience. Do you know why?" Marinette asked, face only inches away from Lila's own," Because we Wayne's, never lose,"and with that final statement, Marinette strode confidently out of the bathroom. She paused a second in the doorway before adding, "And Lila, if you ever lie about dating my eight year old brother again, there will be nothing that will save you from the full extent of my wrath," Marinette didn't look back as the door closed behind her and she made her way back into the classroom.

This was me venting not gonna lie. Its not my best work but I really loved the concept and so here we are. Let me know if you want me to add to this. As always let me know what you want to see next!!!!

If you want to be added to a tag list please fill this out: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1MqvFcx4vx-XVy8Ev7QcQxPH-KcsMRHukBmnsZeMq8e0/edit

Tag List: @achaoticmess1, @queenz-z, @laurcad123, @couffeeine, @luna025

Maribat prompt:

Dick Grayson infiltrates Marinette’s class as the teacher once discovered she’s Bruce’s daughter (and the Batfamily’s newest little sister). Instantly sees the dumpster fire it is and begins making some changes.

Also Lukanette. Because Lukanette is love.

Thoughts?

This is amazing and I hope someone does this

my fandom? oh, it's pretty obscure, you've probably never heard of it. i'm in the observing the supernatural fandom fandom

@sandange the two month commitment to the bit is amazing here

Icelandic folklore requires you avoid saying the names of evil whales, otherwise you’ll draw their attention.

Yall have evil whales?

Iceland does! They are the illhveli, literally “evil whales”, and they live to kill you. They love nothing more than killing and eating humans and sinking their ships. Their greatest enemy is the steypireydur (that’s blue whale to you), which is the greatest of the good whales and the protector of sailors.

All evil whales are, well, evil. So evil that if you speak their name at sea, they will hear it and home in on you. So instead you use all sorts of euphemisms for their names. Also if you try to cook their meat it literally disappears from the pot. That’s right, they’re so evil, you can’t even eat them.

They include such types as the hrosshvalur (horsewhale), with big eyes and a red mane and tail. This is probably the best known and most feared of the lot.

The raudkembingur (redcomb) is especially cruel and bloodthirsty even by illhveli standards. If you manage to escape it, it will die of frustration.

Good luck escaping the mushveli (mousewhale) though, it has legs! And will clamber onto the beach in pursuit!

Or what about death from above? The stökkull (jumper) leaps high into the air and pile-drives boats to pieces.

Meanwhile the skeljungur (shellwhale) sits in the path of boats and lets them get wrecked on its shelly hide…

… while the sverdhvalur (swordwhale) slices through boats with its dorsal fin.

The katthveli (catwhale) is relatively harmless though. It meows.

The same can’t be said of the lyngbakur (heatherback), a classic island fish that lets sailors get on its back and then dives, taking them to a watery grave.

The nauthveli (oxwhale) on the other hand specially targets cattle, attracting them into the sea with its bellow before tearing them apart.

How can you avoid all these murderous whales, like the taumafiskur (bridlefish) here? Any of a number of ways, including getting a steypireydur to help. There are substances, ranging from angelica to sheep dung and chopped fox testicles, that they find abhorrent. And you can distract them with loud noises and barrels.

For more, I assure you this link will answer all your questions.

https://abookofcreatures.com/category/illhveli/

Now i’m imagining a game that’s ½ the Raft and ½ Monster Hunter. 

[Image description (allthingslinguistic’s post): Tweet from Mx. Leah Velleman (@leahvelleman) on 6th December 2020, with same-day reply from the same account. Tweets read:

“There’s a theory that early Europeans started saying “brown one” or “honey-eater” instead of “bear” to avoid summoning them, and similarly my friend has started calling Alexa “the faceless woman” because saying her true name awakens her from her slumber.

“English has an avoidance register used in the presence of certain respected animals, which sounds fancy until you realise it’s spelling out w-a-l-k and t-r-e-a-t in front of the dog.”]

Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it” 

Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect. 

To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.

On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.

I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…

Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.

The lengths we go for music.

Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.

One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”

And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:

[stifled giggling]

[reeeeeeally deep breath]

[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]

The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.

In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”

FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.

This is the best band post 

Everyone else go home

Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this

which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,

that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that

Who does that?

This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.

Julius IdontgivaFucik

More like Julius Fuckit

Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share

good evening to this guy

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.