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Zaolan

@zaolan

Caspian | 22 | Virgo | Disaster

tumblr deleted my last confessional post so here’s a new one:

when i was like 6 my grandparents got me an awesome dollhouse (playmobil haus 5301 if anyone needs to know). for some reason, i had in my head that one day, god would shrink a bunch of people until they were the size of polly pockets and the world would be so cruel and scary for them. so every night i would pray to god that if he did that, that he would please put the tiny people in my dollhouse so i could provide for them. and every night, in case it happened, i would put water in a little cup for them and make their little beds so they’d have somewhere warm to rest after finding out they would be tiny forever. i told my friend in school about this and he said “oh my dad’s a wizard dont worry he can make them grow again” and then i felt at ease and never worried about it again.

Haters be like

“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”

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Idk if I did it right

sorry!

it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.

im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer

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i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.

all in a days work! *passes out*

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catgirl-bimbo

My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving

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catgirlvoid

oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!

Fire

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dude my house

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What I love about tumblr is when we see a logic problem meant to be frustrating and/or unsolvable, we almost reflexively try to destroy it.

This website’s userbase is a chimp chewing through a Chinese finger trap

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I like to think that at least once, the Avatar cycle seemed to skip the Water Tribe—like people knew it was the water tribe’s turn, everyone was looking for them, the tests are done on all the kids, but like 60-80 years go by and no avatar until some Earth Kingdom kid shows up. People wonder if the cycle skipped a generation or what, but nothing serious was going on at that time so they shrug and move on.

It’s only many many years later that someone is researching Swampbender oral history and someone tells the story of “Ol Stinky Jess, she was a funny one, could light the swamp on fire an’ all sorts o’ shenanigans! Best catfishgator catcher in the tribe, she was” and thats literally it, she just lived a totally chill life in the swamp and nobody knew what an avatar was at the time so they just rolled with that funny gal’s odd bending ways.

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Researcher, equally eager and afraid to ask: “So…so why was she called Stinky Jess?”

Cheerful Swamp Elder: “Well y’see, them gases what come out of the swamp in the real dank places, they’s as smelly as a skunkcoon’s hind end, and Stinky Jess, so the legend goes, well she were a bit of a prankster, an’ she’d find a real ripe part o’ the swamp, and then she’d whip up her wind magic an’ waft them stinky smells right into yer house and get er’body hollerin’. They say no one annoyed Stinky Jess for fear o’ being visited by her stink in the night! O’ course, Ol’ Stinky Jess also taught us that soma them gasses are flammable, on account o’ the time she sneezed durin’ a stinkup an’ set half the town on fire, an’ that’s the story o’ how our tribe learned ter harness methane and ter fireproof things even when they’s surrounded by water—”

Researcher: (scribbling notes so fast his quill is smoking)

People are walking biomes if u think about it

To invading germs, you are a jungle full of hungry tigers. To your gut bacteria, you are a warm orchard of perpetual bounty. To your eyelash mites, you are a walking fortress and a mountaintop pasture. How many generations have you hosted? What do they name the wilderness of you?

— "Host" by @cryptonature, in his book Field Guide to the Haunted Forest

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Parasites and other symbiotes (*symbiosis is actually an umbrella term that includes parasites, before anyone asks) outnumber free living organisms in both species and individual numbers, meaning that the *norm* for life on earth is to live your whole life in or on another creature. Us larger independent beasts are technically special in having adapted to survive the harsh non-living world; to gut bacteria and mites and parasitic worms we're like planets keeping them safe from an immense deadly void.

if they rebooted austin powers it would either be the most tone deaf unfunny incredibly offensive movie in years OR they'd do it right and really keep with the times in being very self aware and it would be one of the best films in decades. austin powers would be a massive support of trans rights because trans women means more women for him to shag

oh your pronouns are she/they? well baby lemme she/them titties shagadelic

austin powers discovers bisexuality and it blows his fucking mind

people on tiktok don't even KNOW the addams family .. they're not murderous evil violent hateful people they are a loving and caring and goofy family who love humanity they just happen to be goth and can't die and have a pet lion. you will never be them.

wednesday straps her brother into an electric chair

they’re literally just having fun and playing

i have to get rid of half a pack of cigarettes by april 14 and "get rid of" cannot mean "smoking myself." but why would you throw away something so expensive

greatest website in the world

sickbrokenangel
sickbrokenangel

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING RESPONSE IVE EVER GOTTEN ON ANY OF MY POSTS EVER