OMG MY NEW SHOES CAME :3 ignore my ugly house arrest ankle bracelet. haha

fuck everything else this is the real post of the decade

a car goes full speed off a cliff and explodes at the bottom and when the smoke clears it's actually just perfectly parallel parked

a second car somewhere in the world perfectly parallel parks and when you think the car is finally aligned it spontaneously combusts and explodes

the law of equivalent exchange

raw vegetable hours

this poll is for things that you would conceivably eat on its own, with your hands, e.g., a plate of only carrots + dip. don't submit something like lettuce or something else that's just part of a salad because if you are just eating a bowl of lettuce and dressing with your bare hands you are lying

Happy pride these bitches gay

Just realized that the reason I love making friends on tumblr is because it’s exactly how you make friends on the playground as a six year old. No, I don’t know their name but they love mermaids too and built this awesome sand castle. No, I don’t know their age but their imaginary cheetah is friends with mine. You like this show? You like this character?? You can sing the theme song really loud??? Here is a flower crown. Here is a juice box. You can share my time and I might never see you again but part of you stays in my soul forever. In my mind we’re still on the swing set and the sky is blue and nothing will ever be wrong again.

TF2 needs an exclusive "Heavy!" call for Medic. Where did my Heavy go. You are giant and loud but I cannot find you. I hear gunfire but see no smoke. I am a lost little german boy in a cave full of Enemie Teamen who want to murdern die Mediken gott hilf mir

I think that the points are as follows;

1. Live each day with courage

2. Take pride in your work

3. Always finish what you start

4. Do what has to be done

5. Be tough, but fair

6. When you make a promise, keep it

7. Ride for the brand

8. Talk less and say more

9. Remember that some things aren’t for sale

10. Know where to draw the line

You are correct and well versed in your Cowboy Ethics, partner

Sometimes a little bit of spoiler is delicious. Sometimes you learn a bit of info about where a story is going and you go "OH! I can't wait to find out how they get there!"

Obviously I wouldn't go out of my way to spoil something for someone who didn't want it, I'm just saying... sometimes it's a little tasty.

And if you're into women instead of men, I have some great news: the same technique applies for seducing autistic women!

You can in fact use this method to seduce autistic people of all genders!

Honestly we should normalize this for allistic people too.

keep hearing these strange sounds come up in the kitchen

holy schkit

its the slender man

and hes cooking hot dogs on the stove

i hate how you get desensitized to the cool stuff in your WIP if you've been writing it for a long time so when you read back over it you're like "this isn't as cool as i thought :(" but it still is! you just read it too many times

Gotta recirculate this post periodically just cuz

Just don't read the post too many times.

Oh god oh fuck

I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger

Note that the context of this GIF is that Zelda suspects the frog in question is psychoactive and is attempting to convince Link to eat it so that she can observe his reaction and determine whether she’s right.

Whether that makes it less romantic or more is left as an exercise for the reader.

no it's romantic. doing experiments on you is one of the main ways that girls show romance

“how is peppermint patty a lesbian if she has a crush on charlie brown” like you don’t know any lesbians who are obsessed with some weird sad little guy

LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Queen.

I've survived my first day on Tumblr

Achievements:

Oh boy oh boy you're gonna get a Rare achievement for this one

Containment Breach