bored and lonely

—hunger & desire

clementine von radics // denis sarazhin // paper bags by fiona apple // kiss by edvard munch // denis sarazhin // climbing by lucille clifton // intimacy by angelica alzona // audre lorde

IN A WORLD WHERE BEAUTY AND ATTRACTIVENESS HAVE BECOME SO COMMONPLACE AND MUNDANE THE EXCEPTIONAL UGLINESS HAS BECOME DIVINE

I SAW AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A CAR THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY OTHER CAR AND THEY COMPARED IT TO A UNUSUAL UGLY LITTLE VEHICLE AND ITS STRANGENESS WAS FAR MORE CAPTIVATING THAN THE SLEEK BORING CAR THE AD WAS ACTUALLY FOR

Umberto Eco, On Ugliness

BEAUTY IS FINITE, UGLINESS IS INFINITE LIKE GOD

worst college experience actually was people seeingme use tumblr and say 'haha oh i used to use tumblr we could follow eachother' and i open their blog and its like 700 artic monkeys band gif grunge images pastel moodboards and im sitting here hands folded like you are about to learn our uses of this site are wildly different and i just posted a photo of a buff man in a g string

i wouldnt lie online

2016-2021 Toyota Land Cruiser

Felt that it’s important to share videos like this too.

The world wants us to forget that they are people.

People who dance and play and smile just like you and I.

And it's important to share things like this, to remind them the world that they are human.

The most soul crushing thing is being in your mid to late 20's and comparing yourself with your peers. One of them is married, one has an amazing job, one just bought a house, one is pregnant, one is very successful. And you look at yourself and you have none of these accomplishments, you still feel like a kid inside, you're the same age but really you feel so much younger, so behind. You're living in different worlds, different lives, so far apart. And you observe them and all you want is to be like them, all grown, all independant and functional. And then the fear creeps in: What if I will never get there? What if my mental issues are always gonna keep me in the same place? And that feeling, that huge fear and doubt and incapability, I wonder if that's what they meant when they talk about a "quarter life crisis". You're gonna get there, in your own time. This is a normal experience millions of people our age have and have always had. It will be ok.

Für Paul Celan das Geheimnis der Farne (détail) © Anselm Kiefer. Photo - Georges Poncet

i actually love to write stuff down so i won't forget there is an instant relief and clarity knowing i am outsourcing my memory like the intelligent tool using ape i am. the problem is all of these notes are divided between three to four notebooks, a whiteboard, a private discord server, random post it notes and at least 3 different phone apps

"A note upon the mystic writing-pad", Sigmund Freud (1925)

Eyes 6

alice coltrane with her harp, from this short film

reading in bed. painting by marta astrain.

Gust of Wind (La Bourrasque) aka Storm ~ 1897 ~ Lucien Lévy-Dhurmer (French Symbolist painter, 1865-1953)

Barnard Bulletin, New York, November 22, 1938

a cook’s tour — vietnam

— October 16, 1921 / Franz Kafka diaries

My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

Moreover, everyone gathers around to be tremulously compassionate and discreetly admiring: all this time, you lacked the Vitamin? And yet you persevered?

- Dan Mora, NYCC 2023

Source

The abuse you went through was not something you deserved, it wasn't punishment, it wasn't karma, it wasn't fate, it wasn't meant to be, you didn't manifest it, you didn't invite it. It was abuse. Even if people say you placed yourself in that situation, you still didn't deserve it, it was still wrong for others to abuse you and neglect you. It wasn't your fault. It was your abusers' fault.