Hmmm...

Give a bored human a screwdriver and you’ll find a pile of scrap where your ship used to be, with a proud looking human sitting nearby. 

“Boredom is a dangerous thing to a human.” 

“I don’t understand,” Chuul’s mandibles clicked nervously, “why not simply take the tool from the human.” 

Minxx’s antennae stood straight up, a sign of shock, fear, or surprise, “You don’t simply take something from a human. If you do they will either turn the ship upside down trying to find it again, or they will replace it with something else that will lead to more destruction.

“I speak quite literally by the way. Human-Mark used to have a tool he called an “Hex Key” he used it to remove the doors to the clothing storage areas in his quarters because he was bored. When he lost it he literally turned the ship upside down by reversing the gravity.” 

Chuul’s tentacles curled up defensively, “Gravity controls are locked, how-”

“No one knows how.” Minxx shook her small wings as the memory of suddenly falling upwards returned to her. “but his reasoning was that the tool would fall out of whatever hiding place it had come to rest within. He had not considered that all tables, chairs, equipment, and personnel, would also fall. It took weeks to clean.” 

To be fair to the human, Mark had only intended to reverse the gravity in his own quarters but had, quote, “pushed the wrong button.” A sentence which would send fear through any intelligent creature in the known galaxy. To be completely unfair to the human, there were still stains on the ceiling in almost every room of the ship from dropped food, chemicals, various other liquids, and even a couple of empty bowels. Some races just didn’t find the idea of resting comfortably in their sleeping quarters, only to be suddenly awakened as they fell ten feet toward a ceiling which had now become a floor. Mark was no longer allowed near environmental controls. 

Minxx continued, “He did not find this “Hex Key.” However, he did find the screwdriver and it seemed to please him when an owner was not located. The captain let him keep it since it seemed that it would keep him from doing any more strange things to locate his original lost tool. We did not consider-” she trailed off as her wings quivered again. 

There was silence between them for a few moments, Minxx was almost unwilling to continue and Chuul was almost too afraid to press for more details. Slowly, but surely, Minxx calmed herself enough to speak again. “we did not consider what he may be able to do when armed with a leverage optimiser.” 

“We were given shore leave while the ship was being fixed after the gravity incident. Thank goodness the captain took out act’s-of-human insurance or it would have cost the profits from our next five cargo hauls.” The premiums were high, but it was worth it. “After 14 rotations, human-Mark began to complain over the lack of stimulation, he called it “bored.” On the 15th rotation he disappeared for some time and he had hoped he had found some new activity to occupy his time.” 

Chuul did, but at the same time didn’t, want to know, “Had he?” 

Minxx waved her antennae in confirmation, “he had. He was located in one of the cargo holds, using the screwdriver to dismantle one of the mining probes. To, quote “see how it worked.” It was almost 90% deconstructed.” 

Mark had claimed it was almost 10% REconstructed, as he was trying to put it back together again, but couldn’t quite remember where all the parts went. In Mark’s words, the captain was a “glass half-empty kinda guy” (whatever that meant) and wrote DEconstructed on the claim form for a replacement probe. 

Chuul’s natural camouflage kicked in and they took on the colour of the chair they were sitting on. “Those probes have no screws for the leverage optimiser to use, how did he-” 

Minxx’s wings shivered again, “no one knows how. He just did.” 

Chuul was silent for a moment. He’d never served on a ship with a human before. He’d heard they made things “interesting” and if you ever got into trouble, a human was the very best thing to ever have on your side. It was why they were so many job opportunities for humans in the alliance. All the same…the thought of a human causing such damage and destruction just because of a lack of mental, or physical, stimulation was a more than a little frightening. What if the human wanted to see how the engines worked, or the weapons?!!  “Maybe I should transfer to another ship.” 

Minxx’s antennae curled, a smile to her race. “You are safe. The captain has found a way to occupy our humans free time. During our last stopover, he commissioned a shiny orb be constructed.” 

Chuul coked their head, “what is a shiny orb?” 

Minxx’s curled antennae moved up an down; a sign of mild laughter. “It is nothing. A sphere made of shiny metals, humans do like shiny things, roughly two feet diameter made of a collection of gears, levers, screws and switches which appear complex and should have a function, but do entirely nothing. The captain handed it to Human-Mark and stated: “see if you can fix this.” and Mark has been “tinkering” with it during his off-duty hours for almost 24 rotations now. He can take it apart and rebuild it as many times as he likes, but it will never perform any task.”

Chuul was just thinking about how their captain must be a genius, when the door to the mess hall opened and Human-Mark entered. He was carrying the shiny orb under one arm, and his screwdriver in the other hand. He looked around, seemingly not noticing any of the crew members. He smiled when he spotted an empty liquid container and sat down at the table with the cup. 

Chuul and Minxx watched curiously as Mark set the orb on the table in front of the cup. He used the screwdriver to tighten one small screw and flipped a switch. At once there was a whirring and clicking of clockwork, a blinking of lights hidden in the depths of the machine and even a TING from a small bell. Then a small funnel-shaped piece of metal opened up in the side of the machine and poured a small amount of hot, black, liquid into the cup.

Mark jumped to his feet, pumping the air and yelling loudly enough to send Chuul’s camouflage reflex off again. He grabbed the orb, abandoning the cup of steaming hot liquid, and moved to the door. 

Minxx stared after them, “Human-Mark?” 

Mark only paused for a second in the doorway. He was prominently displaying his predatory teeth. Chuul had read about these “smiles” but it was still disturbing to see. “Can’t stop Minxy. I gotta let the captain know I fixed his coffee maker.” 

With that, he left. Leaving Chuul and Minxx frozen in place, dumbfounded. 

Wherever Chuul was going to transfer to, Minxx began to hope she could get a posting on the same ship. 

😂😂😂😂

I planted mine in pots, but I can't bring mine inside, bc it always brings gnats. Got any ideas?

today i found out humans can ride ostriches so now that’s something i need to do before i die

Apparently Australians know about this, so why didn't they do the riding of ostriches in the emu war? They would've had a better chance

my fave greek history story to tell is that of agnodice. like she noticed that women were dying a lot during childbirth so she went to egypt to study medicine in alexandria and was really fucking good but b/c it was illegal for women to be doctors in athens she had to pretend to be a man. and then the other doctors noticed that she was 10x better than them and accused her of seducing and sleeping with the women patients. like they brought her to court for this. and she just looked at them and these charges and stripped in front of everyone like “yeah. im not fucking your wives” and then they got so mad that a woman was better at their jobs then them that they tried to execute her but all her patients came to court and were like “are you fucking serious? she is the reason you have living children and a wife.” so they were shamed into changing the law and that is how women were given the right to practice medicine in athens

Yeah, this isn’t some Greek myth story about a hero or demigod or something, Agnodice was a real person who actually did this.

Women’s history.

reasons why thigh high leather boots should be more popular:

Hide knives and snacks in them

Johnny Cash knew

losing my shit because my dad was telling me that some country music artist he likes went to the hospital and got high off edibles and made an album that was so far removed from being country music that country music fans of his are having fucking fits about it online but that’s not the strange part, the strange part is that this dude sought out the guy who animated those cool 3d jojo intros from parts 1-3 and that one batman ninja movie (i think his name is junpei mizusaki) and got him to animate a full 40 minute short film set to his new weird album and it looks like fucking

this

i wasn’t expecting to love this so much?? this dude just like created a new genre i am so impressed. the first music video is out now and on god i am vibing with it so hard

@tdbtw

My brain is so confused because, like, this is 100% a Country Voice, but 1000% not country music.

— Anne Jamison (via pen-in-hand)

An apple seed still in its shell, one partially out of its shell, and one fully out of its shell.

You should plant them when only the white center remains, pointy-end down and lightly covered in soil.

They will grow especially well if they are kept warm while germinating. They can be planted right out of the apple, or after being dried for storage.

If the apple seed has been dried, you might want to let it soak in water for a few hours just to make taking the shell off easier. You will definitely need some fingernails for this.

You don’t have to put it in a paper towel in the fridge or anything like that. Just place the seed in some loose, moist soil, cover, and wait. Within a few days (my first one was visible three days after I planted it) you should be able to see the seedling growing.

Here is a picture of the first seed I planted using this method, just a few days after it was planted.

I had it growing in a small cup covered in a plastic bag, suspended over a radiator for warmth, and misted with water once a day to keep it humid.

A month later, and it is almost a foot tall!

I kind of forgot to count them, but I have at least five other seedlings not including this one that are growing right now, all of them grown using this method.

Once there was a girl who was given great gifts and a box full of disaster.

It is a funny thing, to have a box full of disaster. At first it does not seem so very heavy, and it is no trouble not to open it. But it shakes as you walk along and it rattles on your dressing-table when you sleep, and it redoubles in weight until it is a great burden unto you always, and always it is too easy to think on the unknown shapes of the evils that twine inside. And as the years run on the summers stay gold and the springs stay sweet, but you will find that you have ceased to notice, because you have ceased to think on anything but that you must not open the box full of disaster.

So it was with this girl, of course. So, perhaps, it is with all who have been given great gifts.

But one day this girl – who was long grown by this day, and who had carried her little box ten years and more – was walking in a meadow filled with lavender, and she happened upon three goddesses speaking there. For you see this was in the days when the gods still walked the earth, and it was frightening but not so very surprising to come upon them, one grand and stately, and one young and lovely, and the last wise and terrible.

She made haste to go, knowing it unwise to intrude upon their meeting. But the grand elder goddess beckoned her close, and she knew it less wise to disobey. And of course after ten years she was sore tired, for all her great gifts, and when we are sore tired it does not trouble us to trouble the gods.

And the grand elder goddess drew her close and said, Little one, you are carrying what you should not, and bowed beneath the weight of that which should never have been left in your care. Surely you have passed any test we cared to set you. Give it unto me, and I will take it to where it shall disturb you no longer, and you need no longer fear to falter, and the evils inside shall never be released, if you know me for the fairest of the gods.

And the lovely young goddess drew her close and said, Little one, you are carrying what you should not, and bowed beneath the weight of that which you were meant to cast away long ago. We never intended that you should rob yourself of our last and greatest gift; open now what you hold, and release these evils into the world. And you will see that they are not so very great, and beneath them lies hope, and there lies love, and there lies all those mercies that attend upon the endurance of sorrow and grief, if you know me for the fairest of the gods.

And the wise terrible goddess said, Little one, if you open what you carry, you will know what is inside. And that will be mercy enough, if you know me for the fairest of the gods.

She said, I know NOT about fairness, for everyone everywhere is fair to someone. I only know that I am tired, and I wish to lay down my burden. I cannot do so without knowing that no harm will come of my unburdening.

The grand elder goddess said, well, isn't that what I told you? Come, give it to me, and you will never have to worry in your lifetime.

She said, no, because I care about my children, and my childrens' children. If it was released after I died, what then? They will suffer.

The grand elder goddess retired.

The lovely young goddess spoke next: you shouldn't worry about what is inside. You've had a horrible weight laid upon you, and you shouldn't have to put up with that. The upside is that there is always hope, and there is always love, and you should count on those to strike the balance.

She said, I absolutely CANNOT count on those, because there are those in power who don't hear hope, or hear love, and that is simply not enough to dismay those who cannot hear. I will still be sorrowful and full of grief, for those that cannot hear.

The lovely young goddess retired, but said, I'm sorry, no rest will come to you.

She said, I wasn't expecting rest. 

And the wise, terrible goddess said, what do you expect?

She said, I expect to work harder, for the work isn't done.

The wise, terrible goddess said, what work is that?

She said, once I open the box, I will know.

Then she opened it.

hi waiter could I get the spaghetti I promise I’ll behave this time

a crow said this

Time for crab!!!!

All hail crab!

You compared me to an animal yet were surprised when I attacked. Did you forget that beasts have claws and teeth?

What kind of Shakespeare copy is this

“Thou calledst me dog before thou hadst a cause.

But since I am a dog, beware my fangs.”

- Merchant of Venice, Act 3 Scene 3

finally got the courage to wear short whilst having hairy legs (bc hairless=femininity is stupid) and my mom said “wIlL u sHaVe uR leGs iF a cUte boY taKeS u tO tHe bEacH?”

first of all

second of all the beaches are freezing here

third of all i cant even swim

Hear hear honey, I haven't shaved for a long time; I don't feel like I have anyone to impress. If you don't feel like u have to impress him, just don't. You have to impress YOU. Please express the importance of you.

Ah, you’re in for a treat when you have the time. And, erm, you’ll need time - these movies are long, slow-paced and thoughtful. Snacks and tea breaks required. Sometimes art-house movie theatres show the first two as a double bill.

Here’s a taste of the angels hanging out in the Berlin library, listening to the orchestra of human thought swirling around its own history and expression. The angel Damiel is deeply in love with humanity, and longs to experience the world as they do. His best friends Cassiel and Raphaela are worried about him…

I don’t get it

omg

okay someone explain this now thank

I love how the people who know keeping blogging this without any explanation.

And I shall continue with this.

hint: it is a reference and the colors are important

finnglas you gave it away