I love lying to kids. It's so fun. My coworker's daughter said she speaks 2 languages and I said I spoke 17,000 and she narrowed her eyes at me and was like "... no you don't" and it was the cutest thing.
The last time I saw her I told her I was a "half-magician" that can only do 50% of a trick, and I showed her how I can tear a piece of paper in two but can't make it come back together, and she got soooo annoyed with me. Absolutely adorable. Lying to children is the best
Don’t mind me…I’m just thinking about how spiders are naturally talented and skilled weavers and they know how to weave their webs and even make functional, stylish homes and nests and whatnot.
So maybe that’s why Spider-Man knows how to sew his suits. He inherited that trait from the spider and just instinctively know how to weave his suits. Maybe. That’s my explanation for it.
Aunt May: You're buying an awful lot of yarn lately. Are you making something?
Peter, who after getting bit by a spider has felt an inescapable need to knit and now his room is covered head to toe in yarn: Nope. It's just new hobby.
yknow what. i complained a lot about how it was unrealistic to suddenly know how to put together stretch knits and a perfectly fitting, absolute banger of a suit, but this is an explanation i’ll gladly accept
DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
dear god please let our new baby octopus feel confident enough to move out of her corner hiding spot today while i’m on exhibits so i can see her properly for the first time amen
she stuck out a single arm before changing her mind and deciding the rest of the tank is too scary, far too scary by far she is scared
i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life.
i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest
*at the door to the selkie convention* good evening, ladies—allow me to take your coats
QUICK UPDATE: i am paying 182 alimony checks
Someone else come fuck that guy for me
this is killing me
if im to be completely honest i think OP deserved this and worse for answering the phone in a public restroom. the pooping guy shouldve opened the stall window to talk to him like theyre married. and lit a cigarette
door.
one of my girlfriends only tells the truth. my other girlfriend only tells lies.
and which one told you that?
happy monday
he got penis blasted
Real life kungpow penis???
Even Weird Al has had that™ experience with Tony Hawk
Tony Hawk IS Forrest Gump
So I looked up why and how this happened, and it turns out Weird Al hired a company called Birdhouse Skateboards to provide some “skate/punk” extras for the video. Birdhouse Skateboards is a company started by Tony Hawk, so not only did Weird Al end up putting Tony Hawk in his video without realizing it, he actually hired Tony Hawk’s company without realizing it! And then Tony Hawk just decided to go along as one of the extras himself.
BTW, he’d already won like 40 contests already, some of them international skateboarding contests. So it’s not like Weird Al cast some unknown skateboarder who ended up becoming World Famous Skateboarder, he was already well known and was running his own Skateboarding company.
Think of it this way. This wasn’t ‘Weird Al got Tony Hawk to be in his video’, this was ‘Tony Hawk found a way to be in a Weird Al Video.’
The chance that Tony Hawk has infiltrated your location or piece of media is low
BUT NEVER ZERO.
The article says that the guidelines have been updated. Instead of asking if you’re a man that’s had sex with another man in the past 3 months it asks everyone regardless of gender if they’ve had anal sex with a new partner or if they’ve had anal sex with multiple partners in the past 3 months.
This both opens up blood donation to msm in exclusive relationships or who don’t have anal sex and more accurately identifies hiv risk from people who aren’t msm. This is exactly the sort of guidelines we’ve been fighting for for years. This is a major win for both gay rights and blood donation in the US. Now a bunch of people who couldn’t donate before can donate now.
having a favorite character from a piece of media you haven’t seen but one of your mutuals is unwell about is like. that’s my nepo blorbo from the gifsets,
