Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Lesbian
All lesbians have penis envy; they just want to be men.
No, we don’t. We are women who like to be with women. Who said anything about men? So guys have dicks, so what? It’s not like I can’t walk six blocks and buy a dick of my own. Plus, I don’t have to worry about being too small, coming too early, or getting it up. If anything, men want to be lesbians.
I am totally cool with lesbians, I just think two guys fucking is gross.
Do you really think that makes us feel good to hear that? While many lesbians might also be less than excited about fucking men, we are still a part of the gay community. We don’t care about your approval, and you are not any less homophobic just because you get hot about the idea of two chicks going at it. You know what I think is gross? Your impudence and stupidity.
You’re too pretty and feminine to be a lesbian.
If you think all lesbians are big ol’ dykes with crew cuts, flannel shirts, and combat boots, then you have obviously had your eyes closed for pretty much your whole life. If you think all lesbians are ugly women who just can’t get a man, then you are an idiot. Lesbians come in all types, shapes, hairstyles, clothing, sizes, hot and not, fat and skinny, girly and not so girly. Don’t say stupid things like that—women are never too pretty and feminine to be lesbians … I bet you a hundred bucks my girlfriend is hotter than yours.
How do you have sex without a man?
Very easily actually. If guys didn’t have penises, I am sure they would find something to do in bed with a woman. Contrary to assumptions made during the Victorian era, women can and do have sex without men all the time—and very well I might add.
Why do you have to flaunt your sexuality and shove it in our faces?
Every day of my life, I see heterosexual people holding hands, kissing each other, and wearing their heterosexual clothes. I see advertisements and movies; I watch TV shows and read magazines; everything I see celebrates and flaunts the lives and loves of heterosexuals. If anything, you shove your sexuality in my face all the time. If I hold hands with my girlfriend, I am not shoving anything into your face; I am just holding hands with my girlfriend. Not everything is about you.
Lesbians can’t raise kids, especially boys. Children need a mom and a dad.
Are you living in the 1950s? At least half of you reading this have divorced parents and of that group, nearly 80 percent of you lived with your mom after the divorce. Are you saying that you are screwed up because you only lived with your mom? Kids need love and security, and besides, all studies have shown that children raised by gay parents are no different from those who grow up in heterosexual households … so shut up.
Ummm … probably not. This may come as a surprise to you, but not all gay people want you. Do you want every heterosexual person you see? Don’t you have taste? Discernment? Get over yourself—you’re not that hot.
Hello sir (or dude, or bro, or son …)
Do you have eyes? Just because I have short hair and wear men’s clothes does not mean that I am a guy, that I want to be a guy, or that I hate guys. It’s just hair and clothes—get over it.
No! And please stop asking. Life is not a porno movie. Would you want some dude watching you? I don’t think so.
