who would win? matilda or eleven

they’d become best friends

you know what youre absolutely right

Two churches located across the street from each other.

blua:

book: “she has naturally red hair”

screen adaptation:

book: “she has naturally curly hair”

screen adaptation:

book: “red hair, freckles”

screen adaptation:

Book: “she was black”

Movie adaptation:

Book: She was asian

Movie:

reblogging for the last two

Book: he asked calmly.

Movie:

hey everyone try this

Shut up

i have like 1 good angle i’m honestly terrified of what people see in person when i’m 3 dimensional and can’t control which side they see me from like…. i don’t know her but i’m sure she ain’t cute

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

all stories in here are worth reblogging. these are all amazing

*applause for good parents*

when my wife proposed, I called my dad and he congratulated us and then asked me to give her the phone.  He said something, she laughed hysterically and hung up.  He said “Now, I don’t know how all this works and all, but don’t go getting each other pregnant too soon.” smh I LOVE MY DAD <3

this changed me as a person

I’m in tears!

I just want to know how the writers of snl knew about my very specific sexual fantasy

why my hand shaky

your skeleton is ready to hatch

this is so fucking ominous thank you

Dont forget he was just 50$ short

me about to show a genuine emotion to another human being

I wish there was a way to tell companies that I dislike an ad so much that I will actively avoid buying anything from them because of it

i made a college vine compilation b/c Suffering™️

(warning for loud noise in some of them)

It’s funny cause it’s true

my leopard gecko hasn’t eaten for over a week so i took him to the vet. vet said he’s extremely healthy and the reason he’s not eating is likely due to him entering breeding season early

i paid $97 to learn that my gecko won’t eat because he’s too fucking horny do anything

can you imagine someone handing you a burger and you being like “i can’t eat this i’m too fucking horny"