day two that I haven't been able to sleep a whole night. I can't breathe. I cry myself to sleep. my chest aches. scenario after scenario plays in my head, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. but that's not what it feels like. it feels like it's my fault. ignoring me, avoiding me. it's my fault and I don't know what I did to deserve it. I've become so attached, so dependent and I don't know how that happened. I don't know when that happened. when I'm with him, he's the only person I think about. everything else slips away like nothing happened. like my life is okay. he's my person and he doesn't know he's my person. I love him and it's genuine. my feelings. my heart aches for him all the time and I would do everything for him. I would do anything for him. because he is my person. maybe I'm just over thinking, it would make sense. it's finals week for him. I could just be over thinking. that simple. but I don't know and I have no one to talk to. my best friend, the person I tell everything to, hasn't asked me about myself after I told her I cut. I was a year and a half clean, I was doing so well. and I cut. and she doesn't even care. no one cares. no one ever cares.

it's times like these that I have the strongest urge to create my own pain to over power the pain I'm already feeling.