hewwo????

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

FINALLY

I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:

Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:

Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:

And a quality photo of this sweet potato:

An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:

Link to the lovely video

Additional quality memes:

A recipe for Buttered Jorts:

Recent Jorts activities:

And some very wise words from the cat himself:

This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.

Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

FNALLY! All the premium Jorts content in one place!

Many excellent editions to the classic Jorts post <3

not to brag about my personal success but while you were trying to "climb the corporate ladder" i just made it into the "top 10 strangest things washed up from the ocean depths" list for the fifth year in a row

NASA Data Sonification: Black Hole Remix

In this sonification of Perseus. the sound waves astronomers previously identified were extracted and made audible for the first time. The sound waves were extracted outward from the center. (source)

Terrifying. Cosmically horrific. This is around what I’ve always imagined black holes to sound like, but I have this sinking, nauseous feeling because now I know that this is what they sound like.

me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

im begging all of you to stop reblogging th is

Your actions have consequences

Lmao

Diversity win: your arch nemesis accepts your atypical gender identity but shall never accept the evil in your heart

I’ve said it before, but I could never be a YouTuber. All my titles would sound like clickbait while being totally factually accurate.

“Omg I almost DIED!!! (Again.)”

“My hell house is trying to kill us. (Again)”

“Allergic to my own hormones????”

“1 hour of Holly Mop napping.”

“The hell house is trying to kill us. (Again x2)”

People would click on them expecting the most dramatic shit and it’s just me vibing.

Which means you know if I’d ever title a video “confession: I need to be honest with you” it’s going to be fucking insane. Am I fleeing the country? Did a hellmouth actually open under my house? Am I actually 13 ferrets in a trench coat? You’ll find out.

Why would you hide the extra comedy gold in the tags?? XD

To see who is paying attention :P

All brown and moldy by Christmastime

“Art is a human right” and “pay for your damn commissions” are in no way incompatible stances. The right to have access to the arts in general does not imply a right to have any particular artist produce a bespoke piece to your exact specifications. The second one is a luxury in the same sense that any other bespoke service is a luxury. This isn’t rocket science.

it never fails to make me so fucking uncomfortable whenever i see MENA goyim--or muslims from europe that like pretending they're from MENA--on here reblogging judaica and jewish culture for the middle east aesthetic, and then three posts later they reblog something calling for another intifada and insisting that israelis kill children.

like girl, that blood libel is stale and you are cognitively dissonant to the max

#it's like goyim who pretend to convert for the aesthetics post 'israel is a coloniser'#they want the jewish experience - they don't want living jews --ereini0n

"they want the jewish experience - they don't want living jews" i have never heard a more true statement. reminds me of that goy not too long ago, who admitted in an ask to a jew that they were harassing a german synagogue because the jews there weren't fitting into the goy's shallow and fetishistic ideal of judaism. obviously, this doesn't apply to real converts, but so frequently i will see goyim who express interest in converting continuously express resentment to the very community they romanticize.

to these goyim, it's all about the aesthetic. if they could erase us from the face of the earth and keep all of our culture (except the nuanced bits they don't like) they would in a heartbeat. we are just tokens to them; pretty artifacts that come with inconvenient humanity

#‘pretty artifacts that come with inconvenient humanity’#literally though#we’re nothing more than red bracelets and holocaust measuring sticks to them#lately I’ve seen a lot of this in ask boxes#goyim interested in conversion#only to find out later it’s because they want a say in something#it’s either the I/P conflict or the Holocaust#or#I shit you not#so they can worship a Jewish baby-eating demon#without it being appropriative#but like#do you get how that’s worse tho --magic-ramen

mhmm, i remember seeing neo-pagans complaining that jewish conversion took a lot of work because they wanted to be able to appropriate lilith without the additional jewish strings attached. what makes it so insidious, is that unlike genuine converts who put the work in, these goyim are hoping that conversion to judaism is like christian conversion: you just say you're jewish, maybe get a "jewish baptism" (something i've seen a goy say 💀) and then they get to weigh in on jewish issues, all the while not having unlearned any of their antisemitism and not actually practicing judaism.

when they discover converting to judaism takes years and you actually have to learn under a rabbi and think on your decision, they get sulky and call it gatekeeping (as if that's a bad thing.) ironically, it is goyim like that who are the precise reason judaism requires a long conversion process, lol. it weeds them out.

in addition to goyim fetishizing our culture, just like what you said about us being red bracelets and holocaust measuring sticks, they also use our history while throwing us out of it. i mentioned it on a post about canaries in coalmines and people having resuscitation devices to save the birds, that for jews, people use us as canaries but refuse to actually engage with us as humans or even try to save us. we aren't people to goyim, just tools.

Honestly as someone who did go through the whole long conversion process - I'm honestly extremely grateful it exists, because it weeds these people out and helps build evidence that we who remain truly belong here. That we were willing to do the work. That we are mishpacha.

Conversion to Judaism done correctly is a love story - why would you want to rush the honeymoon?

And speaking of scurvy, I am eternally amused by the thing where some ancient form of healing that was born in a time where people didn't know exactly how the human body works, or what causes it to stop working sometimes, that still somehow worked. Like how so many old folk medicinal plants were listed as a cure for various ailments that - from a modern view - are clearly just symptoms of scurvy, and the plant itself is rich in vitamin C.

I recall reading some story, no recollection of the exact time or place, where the king of a large empire suffered from constant horrible headaches and was incapable of falling asleep unless drugged or blackout drunk. Sick of taking temporary fixes to dull the pain and having to be sedated every night, he called up some old sage healer who was said to know how to fix things nobody else could explain, and the healer heard his symptoms and went

"Hmm. You spend too much time being a king. Your skull is packed so full of kingly thoughts that they don't all fit in there and that's why your head is in pain. You need to spend time not being a king." And prescribed him to schedule three days every month where he must go to a peasant village where nobody knows he's the king, live with a family there under a fake name and identity, work in the rice fields with them, eating the same food and sleeping on the same mats. Absolutely nobody is allowed to address him as the king, speak to him of any royal or political matters, and he himself is not allowed to think any kingly thoughts or think of himself as the king.

And naturally, this worked. Taking a regular scheduled break from a highly stressful office desk job to completely decompress, paired with physical exercise in the form of hard but simple physical labour, plain and simple food and Just Not Thinking About Your Fucking Job All The Time does help chronic stress, which here was worded as "spending too much time being a king clogs your brain."

Sometimes you do have ghosts in your blood, though I'm not entirely sure whether you should do cocaine about it.

If you're writing a setting that's "modern fantasy", in the sense that it's like you took one of those Medieval Fantasy worlds and then society progressed to the point where it's the 2020s, and you want to throw in a fantasy conterpart culture that's basically Europe, you're 100% allowed to just make the places a janky mashup of the medieval and modern era. That's legit just what Europe looks like. You'll see a fucking castle on one side of the street, a glass panel skyscraper in the other side, and walking in the middle is a dude who looks like a fucking viking, talking on a smartphone, with a tattoo of the stone age symbol of the Spiral Adder of the Underworld tattooed on one shoulder and Hatsune Miku on the other.

My therapist's office is located on a street that was built in the 1300s and Google Maps and a modern bicycle are fucking powerless against the cobblestone chaos that was built to be manageable on foot and horse carriage. Last summer one of the restaurants there caught fire, but the fire didn't spread very far, partially because of the building regulations that were set in place the last time the city burned in 1760. There's just a thin veneer modern tech on top of 1800s stuff clumsily constructed on top of medieval stuff that's built on the foundations of something earlier and the more you look the more you realise that if you looked at all of it for long enough, it's just turtles all the way down.

And sometimes you see a guy walking down the street that you're pretty sure is straight-up 50% neanderthal and the other half is a Danish fur trader from 1500s who found a wife in a foreign port town and stayed.

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

It's also in the afterword/author's note of Harrow, iirc. So not explicitly in the story, but in the book at least. Harrow has schizophrenia, but at least on the Ninth, almost no healthcare and absolutely no mental healthcare to provide any kind of language or understanding of her condition.

The 201 ghosts are certainly complicating factors.

It sure is heavily implied in the acknowledgements of Harrow the Ninth!

If anyone is looking for the author’s confirmation that Harrow has schizophrenia, specifically, it apparently happened at a panel at Boskone and someone tweeted about it:

https://twitter.com/saltyseaghost/status/1495099655637684224

I know of one written interview where she talks about it, too:

Also also, you don't even need to look to Word of God or authorial intent or any of that, it is in the text! When Crux thinks Nona is Harrow, he asks her about her mental state, about her delusions and hallucinations, confirming that Harrow's account of her history of schizophrenic symptoms to Ortus in the River bubble aren't a product of her being haunted - it is an actual genuine account of her life up to that point, one that Crux corroborates. Her schizophrenia is textual!

hear me out. Dark & Back to the Future represent exactly opposite ends of the Time Travel Media Spectrum.

@full-time-dumb-lesbian I think Butterfly Effect (2004) for the top right

yeah good shout

#bottom left bill and ted?

on reflection yeah i think ur right

Yeah

It’s not a Discworld joke unless you read it, don’t parse it as a joke, and then carry on with your life for ten years until someone stops you to say something like “It’s a pavlovian response because the dog ate a pavlova” and you scream Terry’s name with enough indignant rage you hope it rattles the pillars of the multiverse so wherever his soul is he’ll hear it.

#i don’t think this is what pterry meant by ‘a man’s not dead while his name is still spoken’

I absolutely think it is

I read Jingo for the first time when I was 13.

I’m 33 now, and I still discover a new joke every time I reread it.

Terry was a comedic genius

why do people on the internet know so much about the epic of gilgamesh

people have started throwing shade at other ancient works of literature in the tags how long do you think before I have a college educated cage match on my hands

Emm speak your divinely-inspired thoughts with your whole chest like a man

how about you fuck that old WOMAN. #feminism

hey can you do me a favour and paypal me £20 in compensation for reading this dicaprio ass sentence on my good christian post

One day my mom overheard me and my friends talking about anime and asked what "tsundere" meant. After I explained it to her, she said, "oh, so it's just like you then", which is NOT something you can come back from

For a few weeks later she took to calling me "tsundere" at any given opportunity. It was hellish and my friends never let me live it down

"our son made it through the war to come of age, let's fucken party! rsvp only if you're a little bitch who's NOT coming. all y'all not dead of alcohol poisoning by morning (lmao losers) get dunkt on"