I didn’t see anyone post these Cleopatra tweets yet, I have to do everything my damn self.

These had me in stitches.

it’s just one of those croissant days

we love a recovery

This doesn’t just strike a chord with me, it’s the whole gosh darn song.

Мне, пожалуйста, две котлеты….

“for me, please, two hamburgers….”

Ya’ll doing amazing sweeties.

how the turn tables

why would they need to do that? Does it cause them distress or something to be away from their families???? i don’t get it

If they didn’t want to be separated from their families they shouldn’t have joined ICE

I feel uneasy

these pictures are so loose and lacking in detail that it’s making my brain force images onto them that aren’t actually there

is that wrinkly kong

ok these are all quite certainly this exact picture of wrinkly kong. why

forget what you saw

Nasa spots mysterious heart-shaped craters on the surface of Mars. “From Mars with love"

This is what it feels like to be in training at a new job

Please remember that nearly all of the kids dialogue was unscripted.

you know that moment when u pass by ur crush in the hallway and ur eyes meet 

It’s been like three thousand years and they still haven’t figured it out.

the gender neutral term for landlord or landlady is parasite

just found out my dads gf soaks raisins in water before eating them & ive never been more disgusted that i let someone in my house

Reblog if you need this energy

remember when we were kids and we used to all sing that demented version of the barney song where it was like “i hate you you hate me let’s go out and kill barney”

i don’t remember ever doing this. you were a fucked up kid

i hate you

you hate me

let’s go out an kill barney

with a baseball bat

and a 4x4

NO MORE PURPLE DINOSAUR

really? Our version was more like..

i hate you

you hate me

lets go out and kill barney

with a great big gun

two bullets to the head

WOOPS LOOK AT THAT, BARNEY’S DEAD.

Ours was like:

JOY TO THE WORLD THAT BARNEY’S DEAD

WE BARBECUED HIS HEAD

DON’T WORRY ‘BOUT THE BODY

WE FLUSHED IT DOWN THE POTTY

AND ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES

AND ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES

AND ROUND AND ROUUUUUND AND ROUND IT GOES

I hate you,

You hate me,

Let’s get together and kill Barney, 

With an AK-47 and a shot to the head,

Uh-oh Barney’s dead

The one I knew was:

I hate you, 

you hate me, 

let’s get together and kill barney

sorry kids but Barney’s dead, 

we just shot him in the head

a b c d e f g

barney is my enemy

stick a rifle up his nose

pull the trigger there he goes

sorry kids barney’s dead

here he is without a head

You’re all fucked up

SCREAMING

my only goal in life is to not end up in a marriage like this

why the fuck do adult men behave this way

This is depressing

audrey hepburn & grace kelly backstage at the 1956 oscars

Alice and Rosalie dressing up for Rosalie‘s and Emmett‘s third wedding in 1956

She thicc

Thoughtful Honest Interesting Caring Compassionate

I’m gonna say it

Florence + the Machine and Hozier may have fae energies, but Bastille has ‘immortal who has never entirely gotten over the mortal lovers he’s outlived’ energies