THIS SHIT IS BANANAS B-A-N-A-N-A-S

leoreturns:

omg

This has been in my queue for months.

I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

YES

omg i didnt reblog this last year!

seduce me with ur history knowledge 

vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft

During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.

raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death

during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.

The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people

King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.

Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.

Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes

At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.

When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.

Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.

During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.

People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.

The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.

Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler)  nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives

Just googled the last one because holy shit that’s magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as “radu the beautiful”

fun date idea: stab him in the leg

I’m screaming??? So my cat knows I get upset when he steps on my paintings (not yelling or anything I think he just sees me spend hours trying to cover up what his paws do) in my “studio” which is a crammed small storage closet with painting all over the floor drying , so like I’m in there rn and I saw him try to get to point A to point b but it was impossible for him to jump over so like he realized the matte parts were dry and like he was stepping on the corners of the painting and every step he’d look at his paw to see if he fucked up and honestly it was the most thoughtful thing ever I don’t ever wanna hear anyone ever say that cats don’t care

I beg you, if this ever happens again, get a video

niall horan is such an inspiration

This is Ellen DeGeneres

haha wow i’m really exhausted for someone who only ever does the bare minimum requirements of getting by

I will never not reblog this. The 2 guys in the back are just ❤❤❤

Always reblog.

people who get hyped up for other people are the greatest people you can have in your life.

Love their reactions. They aren’t worried about being emasculated, they aren’t insecure, they are just genuinely impressed that she’s lifting like a beast!

tfw you’re a millenial but you don’t like avocado

where do I see myself in five years? hopefully replying to multi-paragraph work emails with: cool! thanks.-Sent From My iPhone

10 word story (via p-rincessri)

me: has a breakdown

me: gets super embarrassed about it the second I calm down

“But I do anyway cause I’m a hoe.”

my intrusive thoughts: you’re worthless and no one will ever love you

me:

SOMEONE HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE IM NOT LUKE AND IM SCARED FOR JAKE’S SAFETY

This got 32k and the guy was in the bathtub the whole time trippin on lsd

hey, it’s your uber. i’m outside.