bad news is that i have spent years cultivating the ability to pass as a normal social person in public only for it to be largely undone by 2020. the good news is that everyone else is ALSO out of practice so me being a giant weird is excusable

the context of this is that i shook someone's hand for the first time in years and i went about it in the weirdest weird possible and was like "sorry that was a pretty hesitant hand shake" and he replied "no it's okay. it was nice and warm." no offense but what the F U C K kind of conversation is that

ok ive had enough of the evil neuralblenders. its time for 

goodnight zzz

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP DEATH WORLD

the biggest lie i ever told & how my husband came to protect it

for years i have lived this lie telling everyone i am allergic to peanuts because i hate the smell of peanut butter and it makes me gag and makes my throat feel gross after eating it and so i don’t really like peanut butter that much but whenever i used to tell people i don’t like peanut butter they’d get all defensive like “peanut butter is amazing how do you not like it?!” and then i’d have to go into this whole thing to defend my taste buds.

but then i got tired of it and started telling people that i’m just allergic to peanuts because that way it’s not my fault that i hate the smell of peanut butter - it’s now like i’m a sad little baby who will never get to taste peanut butter ever in her life and everyone feels sad for me.

but the problem is that i really love peanut m&ms and so now i can only eat peanut m&ms when i’m at home in secret. the only person who knows my lie is my husband. and so at work this evening we had a small celebration for someone and they had peanut m&ms and i really wanted some but obviously couldn’t eat them in public because then people would know my peanut secret. 

and so when we got home after work my husband tipped his jacket over and emptied his pockets and at least thirty or so peanut m&ms fell out of his pockets and he whispered, “i was sneakily accumulating them all night for you because i could see the pain in your eyes.”

and if that isn’t love then i don’t know what is. 

help

does this mean finn’s backpack is red to him, and BMO is red too? Is the treehouse red to him??

Fin is Red Green color blind, most people who are red green color blind are white males. 

(via)

I was wondering why all the comparison pictures were the same, then I remembered I’m colourblind…

The addition is hilarious

Mmm…

All of them are ‘had the opportunity been there just now I would have killed you be thankful it has passed’ but Seinfeld is just like ‘I’m waiting for the day bitch’

Because I’ve lost control of my life

reblog for the blessed 100k

IVE ONLY HEARD WHISPERS OF THIS POST

A classic image.

this scene is so fucking funny the english dub of this show is so good

loud warning

the eye was removed ... in 2019

Babygirl I’m popping joints that paleontologists don’t even know about

No, fuck. Chiropractors

Yo mama so old her chiropractor is a paleontologist

What about this

both are exquisite thank you for your contribution

we are already living in the cyberpunk future and i know this because within a span of 3 days we went from this tweet:

to thousands of people making phony images and replying to them with their passionate desire to have them as a tshirt to overload the bots with nonsense and junk and send out warnings to shoppers like this:

and now we even have people replying to pictures of baby yoda with “i want this on a tshirt” knowing how ravenous disney is being with copyright in hopes to get the stores taken down altogether

i dont know what it is about stuff like this and the whole turn mei into a symbol of hk protesters thing but, its really reassuring for some reason

And the next step…

https://teezyli.com/

Holy shit y’all look at the front page of the site right now

Oh my god

Anyway, I just emailed tips@disneyantipiracy.com to report the site for very evilly stealing Disney’s IP! Because obviously that is very evil and bad and shit.

I’ve never seen such a perfect example of fighting fire with fire.

Holy fucking shit

I’m DYING.

More accurately

Rib and Cricket cause existential dread!

one time in high school my french teacher told the class that his grandmother died and a kid in the class said “je regrette :(“ and the french teacher burst out laughing and was like “you’re gonna wanna say desolé in this context because je regrette means like…. my bad”

king

additional entries

us

So glad we’re all straight

when you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she does a little pose thing then smiles, reblog if u agree

When you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she immediately tells you where she got it

When you tell a girl her outfit is cute and she shoves her hands in previously unseen holes and squees with excitement, “It has pockets!”

Telling us not to wear a scarf is oppression you fucking fools let us wear whatever we want

[video id: tiktok posted by @/sfkhader where she switches between pretending to be two different people. the first person is a hijabi muslim who changes outfits several times; the second person is someone who is not a muslim.

person one, wearing a hoodie: "do you have a problem with my hoodie?"

person two: "umm, everyone wears hoodies."

person one, wearing a beanie: "okay, how about this beanie?"

person two: "ugh, beanies are so cute."

person one, wearing a headscarf: "okay, how about this scarf?"

person two: "those are so high fashion; i see them on runways all the time."

person one, removing the first headscarf to reveal a hijab: "okay perfect becau-"

person two, cutting person one off: "oh my god, why would you willingly cover up your hair like that? are you oppressed?"

end video id]