my brother is having a meltdown after receiving this message

Trying to impress cats and failing is universal 

(via)

It’s extremely important that I tell you all that this seal is doing the ‘banana pose,’ something seals do when they are feeling particularly happy and relaxed. This seal, looking directly at the cat, is absolutely overwhelmed with Good Vibes, something we can all related to.

If I haven’t reblogged this before, I should have done.

If I have reblogged this before, then I’m doing it again.

And quite right too.

Why would he do that?? Why would he show us this side of him???

This is a cinematic masterpiece and if you disagree you’re WRONG

DEPLOY THE BOY

ALL BOYS DEPLOYED

Marmots fight for snacks. 

This post gave me 4d8 psych damage.

[Funkytown plays faintly in the background]

Narrator: So one of the things I hate about my brother is that he hogs the bathroom in the morning, (probably because it takes so long to wash and dry his Skrillex hair). So I decided I wanted to change that. So in school we learned about this guy who was able to train dogs to drool to the sound of a bell by ringing a bell each time he showed food. So I decided I wanted to try something similar on my brother. So basically my plan was to place this Perry the platypus thing in my bathroom every day before he woke up, and then I would hide somewhere in there to scare him, so then eventually he’d associate Perry the platypus with getting scared, and he wouldn’t come into the bathroom as long as it was there. So I actually only had to do this for a couple days and, good news! As long as Perry the platypus is there, my brother won’t even set foot in there.

Pavlov's platypus

Pavlov’s Perry the Platypus?

me while crossing the road

So, I’ve been pulled over a few times in my life. Not many, but a few. And I’ve also been in a couple of cars that got pulled over. And let me tell you, if you were actually doing something wrong, the officer doesn’t make any small talk, just straight into “I clocked you doing 70 in a 55.” The only time I’ve ever gotten the “do you know why I pulled you over?” was the time when I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and I got let go even though he insisted to the end that I was doing 87 in a 70 (white privilege at work).

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” is a trap. It means there’s a good chance the officer doesn’t actually have a good reason to ticket you, and is trying to get you to waive your 5th Amendment rights and incriminate yourself. If you make a guess, that’s a confession of guilt.

But there’s another trap, that I’ve heard of but haven’t yet experienced. It’s “do you know how fast you were going?” With that one, they’re hoping you’ll say no, because then they can name whatever speed they want – you just said you didn’t know how fast you were going, if you deny the speed they name then you’re lying to them.

Oh, I’ve had that one. Go with “yes.” Don’t give them a number, just say “Yes.” Then they still have to offer a number and you can deny it without contradicting yourself. They could just ask you, at that point, but that’s suspiciously similar to saying they don’t know, and they tend to avoid doing that.

Reblog to save a life

if you scroll past this just because it doesn’t affect you personally, i see you.

why does wine taste like shit?

i am going to run through the woods naked

ME ON SEPTEMBER 30TH VS ME ON OCTOBER 1ST