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@yelllowpainttt

There's 7 billion 46 million people on the planet and most of us have the audacity to think that we matter
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confessionofacollegejunior
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confessionofacollegejunior
“We’re teenagers. We’re still learning. Shit Happens. We cheat, we lie, we criticize, we fight over stupid things. We fall in love and end up getting hurt. We bitch, bitch, bitch, and bitch. We bitch about bitches being bitches. We party till dawn, we drink till we pass out. We hate people for no reason, we call each other names. We stay up late having deep conversations, or stay up late just to think. We go out and have a kick ass time with our friends and THOSE WILL BE THE MEMORIES. One day that’s going to all pass. You can waste your time on focusing on all the bad things, but one day you’re gonna wish you were still a teenager. So make the most of what you have now, forget all the bullshit and drama and LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE WITH A SEXY SMILE ON YOUR FACE!!!!!”

—

poeticstories
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skyandherdiamonds

Lockport, ‘14

I anticipated my freshman year like a teenage girl dreamed of her 16th birthday,

For me it was a year of dusty sneakers and my hometown baseball field, old wooden benches under the shade of trees I could climb since I could talk,

Posted pictures with filters just a little too much, the dawn of youth in a new world with people to meet to find where you fit,

A time of young love, friends trampolines and barefoot cartwheels in sun setting fields, staying out tempting curfew,

-

I remember those times, those nights I thought would last forever, the gentle buzzing in my chest,

The moss on the uneven sidewalk I’d take to school, the overhang of the cherry tree in Spring, it’s falling petals a dusted pink,

The click of my old marroon locker, the hum of chatter in the halls, the breath of fresh air when the bell gave it’s last toll, we piled out of the doors like landsliding rocks

I remember it all.

suicidalgirlinamessedupworld
Today at school something happened, that just won’t leave my mind.
We talked about death and sadness and grief. And then our teacher told us, his saddest moment in connection with death:
He was 18 years old & one day he woke up next to his girlfriend & saw that she died. She died because one day she decided to stop eating. And that night, her body decided, that he could no longer take it. She died in her sleep, next to her boyfriend, because of an eating disorder.
I almost started crying in front of my class. This hit me so hard.
Just Imagine waking up next to the person your love, just to see that she died. I don’t even want to imagine what this feels like…
And only because of an eating disorder.. I- god, what am I doing?
dreams-come-true
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thesofthuman

Be sad but get up. You don’t have to shower. You can put on the same clothes you wore yesterday. Nobody will care. The sky is blue, wildflowers are blooming by the side of the road. Strangers have stories to tell. Go for a walk, go for a drive, go to a greenhouse, a bookstore, a movie theater. You can stay in bed but nothing is going to happen there. Sometimes you’ve really just got to get the fuck up.

xbloody-thighs-hollow-eyesx
“It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.”

— It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via naturaekos)

dreams-come-true

i wanna dye my hair and cut it off and work out obsessively and order 38482 new clothes and move out and travel to another country and get really drunk and scream in the middle of a wide field and make out with strangers and smoke so much i start coughing my lungs out

dreams-come-true
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thesofthuman

Be sad but get up. You don’t have to shower. You can put on the same clothes you wore yesterday. Nobody will care. The sky is blue, wildflowers are blooming by the side of the road. Strangers have stories to tell. Go for a walk, go for a drive, go to a greenhouse, a bookstore, a movie theater. You can stay in bed but nothing is going to happen there. Sometimes you’ve really just got to get the fuck up.

poeticstories
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strangecolorenthusiast

That Stuff

She wears sneakers to church Under a frumpy black skirt Hair done all nice And a Black Flag t shirt She doesn’t care about a thing Or she gives off that look Even her losses are wins Street smart and book Chuck Taylor all stars With the top low cut Piercings and scars She’s made of godly stuff

-Alex

regular-love
And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

Unknown (via regular-love)

Source: regular-love
unspokendarknessinside
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unspokendarknessinside
Do you remember the time you said that we would be together forever? Do you remember all the times we said up late talking about anything and everything because we couldn’t sleep. Do yo remember the times that you cried so hard and I did my absolute best to make you stop by making jokes at the expense of my self esteem. Do you remember all the hugs and I love you’s? Because I remember all these moments and they left scars on my heart because these moments don’t mean anything to you anymore.

I guess it’s true when people say nothing last forever (via unspokendarknessinside)

unspokendarknessinside
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unspokendarknessinside
My yellow paint was never yellow paint, it was razor blades. Instead of eating yellow paint,I sliced my skin in half. It was never in the hopes of being happy, it was feel something, to have control over something. It never made me happy. Don’t try and find your yellow paint because it brings nothing but misery.

(via unspokendarknessinside)

kiss-kiss-fallintartarus-deacti

Protips

-Dont think too much about your decision -dont let fear or other people’s actions /judgement around/about you change you. -hug your friends -BE SELFISH IF YOU NEED TO BE SELFISH -BE KIND IF YOU WANT TO BE KIND -pet every living thing except humans (with some exceptions). -Do the things that make you happy. -Try to find beauty around you. - don’t be too hard on yourself. - Appreciate every little achievement you make. -get a little close to your family, try to get to know them. -Get away from your family if they are not good for you. Just good vibes. -cry every time you need to cry -you are enough, embrace yourself. -eat ice cream every time you want to eat ice cream. -go to downtown and just get lost walking around. -Pet All Dogs you see . -take your pet to an adventure(If you don’t have a pet take your friend pet to an adventure) -go on a date with yourself. DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF. -hug your friends. -take all the “me time” you need. -hold hands with your friends no matter what. -Really.hold.hands.with.your.friends. -Get dressed in fancy clothes with your friends and take a nice photo -hug your friends just bc you can. -smile . - don’t be Alone when you can be with someone who loves you. -go outside -go inside -go to big adventures -go to small adventures -dye your hair -love yourself -eat -cosplay your favorite gay character -cosplay your favorite straight character -cosplay something of any gender/orientation - bake some cookies -bake some blue cookies -run as fast as you can -scream as loud as you can -go to concerts from your favorite bands -get to college and study something you love -learn a different lenguage. -Become a volunteer. -Go to the supermarket with your friends just to hang out. -Watch a romantic movie with your pet. -read. -read more. -dont be afraid of being different. - don’t be a jerk to people who look “normal”. - don’t be a jerk. - help someone. -help someone, again and again but not bc I’m telling you bc u want! - GO TO A WAFFLE’S FANCY RESTAURANT.

unspokendarknessinside
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late-nights-and-daydreams
We are the suicide kids The generation between x and y Who saw the end of world but didn’t know what it meant Who have more slit wrists and psych appointments then opportunities I wish this was a brighter poem But we are the kids who hid from the abuse behind masks of false smiles We know how to work harder because we’re competing with people twice our age and skill And no matter how much training we can’t fix it There’s more drugs then hope And everyone knows a drug dealer, or 6 We are the abused that became abusers Giving each other mental scars I’m not sure will ever heal We are the kids who don’t know what’s behind the mask Because we never got a chance to explore I’m not blaming our parents They did the very best they could in a world that changed so drastically I can’t say I’d do it any different I tried to grab on to the remnants of what I thought our identity was But it got lost somewhere between the lines of the people we want to be and who we are A generation that’s so sick of having to carry knives and pepper spray Who know what it’s like to sit silent in a room full of predators We aren’t perfect But our killjoy noise stains the flag Most of us have fallen into some kind of hell We call it home easily Always know someone who lost their war We are comfortable at graveyards At ease in church halls from funerals Have a list of songs they can’t play anymore And maybe this time we’ll do better But this is all we’ve got

(via late-nights-and-daydreams)