Humans are weird: Video Games

Alien: What is this game about? Human: It’s about being a soldier in a war that reduces you to nothing more than a cog in a larger machine ever churning onwards regardless of any personal dilemmas the characters have. Alien: And the chainsaw guns? Human: Oh those are just frickin bad ass. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I feel this game’s title is misleading. Human: Why do you say that? Alien: Because every enemy and character you meet in game is either screaming, shouting, or loudly yelling. Human: How does that make it misleading? Alien: This is clearly not a silent hill. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I feel terrible for this pac-man. Human: Why do you say that? Alien: He must keep devouring pills to keep the ghosts of his past from getting him and destroying any semblance of a hopeful future. Human: ………. Human: On one hand I think you’re reading way too much into it, and on the other you’re about to make me feel sad for pac-man which has never happened before in my life. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: This commando is amazing! No wonder you’re military is so good when you have augmentations such as this. Human: Yeah. It’s even more impressive when you take into account his robot arm is made out of his wife. Alien: *Drops controller* Alien: WHAT?!?! ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I challenge you to a battle with this game! Human: *Sees game, smiles* Human: A classic for sure, but I’m the best at it. To be fair I’ll let you pick first. Alien: I pick Oddjob. Human: You son of a- ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: This game is too complex! Human: Why do you say that? Alien: You must manage your resources, military, population capacity, and research all while fighting other player’s armies! Human: It’s easy once you get the hang of it. Alien :Only the insane would play these strategy games! Human: Well why do you think we keep winning every space war!? ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: How do you play this “minesweeper”. Human: It is a secret my people have long since lost. ———————————————————————————————————– Human: Would you like to play some Mario? Alien: No. Mario is a terrible person and I hate them. Human: That’s a bit harsh. Why do you think that? Alien: He’s a plumber that never does their job! When was the last time you saw him unclog a pipe? ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You sure you don’t want to play? It’s a great game.  Alien: *Watches in horror as they play Halo: CE*  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: So this is a team based survival game? Human: Correct. Alien: And everyone is trying to escape their terrible situation. Human: Indeed. Alien: What if one of them can’t keep up? Human: Then I guess they’re *lowers sunglasses* left for dead.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Why do animals like dogs and horses hardly ever die in your games. Human: In video games they only have one weakness. Alien: What is that?  Human: The plot.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: How are you enjoying the game. Alien: It is nothing more than an alien dating simulator.  Human: So…… Alien: It is wonderful! Human: Thought you might like it. Human: Fair warning though. If you make Tali or Garrus cry I will break your spine.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: How are you en- Human: (sees alien not touching the controller) Human: What’s wrong? Alien: I do not like this. The bad humans won the war.  Human: (sees game. sits down next to them.) Alien: The things they do to people that look different….that don’t believe what they think…. Human: I know buddy. They did terrible things.  Human: But that’s part of the reason you can’t stop playing.  Alien: (looks at human) Human: The game is about fighting the bad people. If you stop fighting them, then they will win and do even more terrible things.  Human: (puts hand on alien’s should)  Human: And you don’t look like the kinda person that’d just sit back and let that happen.  Alien: (nods, picks up controller) That’s not me.  Human: (Smiles) Damn right. Now go kill some fucking nazi scum.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: What is the point of having a gun in this game if the enemy can kill you with a simple kitchen utensil!?  Human: You got it all mixed up. The frying pan is the most powerful weapon, not the gun. ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Are all you subway tunnels filled with giant monsters?!?!? Human: Only the ones in Jersey.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: Did you win the war yet?  Alien: I haven’t even started it. Human: but it’s been three hours. What have you been doing? Alien: I’m trying to get my knight to fall in love with my mage but the stupid archer keeps getting in the way.  Human: I see you’ve discovered the real enemy then.  Human: Love triangles.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You sure you’ll be able to play this alone and in the dark? Alien: I’ve been to your offspring entertainment areas. I have nothing to fear from them at night.  Human: Suit yourself. (Leaves) (Next day) Human: So how’d it- Alien: KEEP THE DOORS CLOSED! THEY CAN’T GET IN IF THEY’RE CLOSED! Human: (under breath) probably shouldn’t tell them about the forth game when they pop out of the closet….. ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You don’t seem surprised by the fighting game.  Alien: In truth most of the universe thinks you humans actually hold such death tournaments.  Alien: The only surprise was coming here and finding out you actually don’t.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Friend human! I have discovered the secret to beating your video games! Human: Really? What is it? Alien: They are called “Loot Boxes”. Human: Mother-of-god; they’ve gotten you too! ——————————————————————————————————— Human: What do you think? Alien: I think you humans have it backwards? Human: How so? Alien: Most of your games have aliens attacking your planet. Human: And? Alien: Do you realize how many planets you human’s have invaded in the last month alone?  Human: (ponders, then realizes something) Human: So did you cut us open as well for research on how to defeat us? Alien: At first we did, but then stopped when we realized you are either indestructible or killed by slipping on soap. It was one or the other and was very frustrating. ———————————————————————————————————  Alien: Help! I’m being chased and don’t know what to do! Human: Just sit on that bench. Alien: How will that help!? Human: Trust me. Alien: (Has character sit on bench, watches in amazement as pursuers pass by) Alien: How did that work?  Human: We humans are often blinded from what’s right in front of us.  Alien: You can not be serious. Human: Yesterday I spent a whole hour looking for my keys before I realized they were on a bungee cord on my wrist. You alien’s give us too much credit. 

not to talk about doctor who but remember being a lonely depressed teenager and hearing him say '900 years of time and space and i've never met anyone who wasn't important'

time to take a nap in gengars mouth

meirl

“where were you during the coup?” on my couch in sweatpants because it was noon on a wednesday during month ten of an out of control pandemic

some trump supporter interrupted a reporter to yell "at least we're not burning businesses down" and like

Domestic terrorist masterpost

Masterpost of identified insurrectionists who participated in the violent attempted overthrow/coup of the US government on 6 January 2021.

Richard “Bigo” Barnett of Gravette, Arkansas, who broke into the Capitol and stole mail from Speaker Pelosi’s desk.

Jon Schaffer from heavy metal band Iced Earth under record label Century Media Records.

Known Nazi Matthew Heimbach.

Nicholas Rodean of Frederick, Maryland.

Photos and IDs courtesy of @HomeGrownTerrorists on Instagram.

getting ready with the girrrlllss

part 1

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it has become a big conspiracy theory among teens in Tiktok the idea that Helen Keller was fraud that didn’t exist, and the main argument to back this is “how could someone be both blind and deaf and still be successful and write books”. That’s plain ableism. This entire thing is just deeply ableist and the fact that an ableist conspiracy theory like this can spread so easily among kids is just scary. 

Conspiracy theories, misinformation, fake news and bigotry are not a generational thing! It’s not a “boomer” thing, this is something that happens among all generations.

I am. So Angry

I’m going to start by apologizing for being completely absent on this account for months, I am hoping to revamp it, but I have been busy, unfortunately, with school and the world right now. 

This post is days fcking late because I have been shaking with anger since the terrorist attack on the Capital and I didn’t want to really make this post until I could at least contain a little bit of my anger and outrage, as a chronically ill activist from America. 

I want to make it clear that I will not be referring to the events that took place as anything other than a domestic terrorist attack, and all the participants as terrorists and traitors. Point blank.

I have been advocating once or twice a year, every year, for seven or eight years, on Capitol Hill, in order to push for the basic necessities to live even REMOTELY comfortably in the United States as a type 1 diabetic. Talking to congresspeople and senators in order to try and push for affordable insulin, which I will remind you, IS A LIFE-SAVING, NECESSARY MEDICINE. To advocate for more funding, to ask that they not shut the door on the issue, to practically plead with them to make my future SECURE, because I did NOT choose this, and I should not have to DIE with it. 

I go every year to ask them to make sure safe at school rules are required still, so no kids in the future will have to deal with their necessary medical supplies being taken by shitty teachers, the way that it has happened to me, so that no other kids have to deal with the stress of their unpreventable condition affecting the way and the amount that they learn. Because WE did NOT choose this. 

I wait my turn, I take 15 to 20 minutes with them, or maybe just an intern, to tell them stories, to tell them how I have to fear for my stability in the future, to plead that they understand the severity of the situation, because unaffordable medication and supplies KILLS, and makes people’s lives MISERABLE, all because of something that cannot be prevented. 

I am POLITE to these government workers, even if they aren’t paying attention, even if they have a history of not caring at all, I am patient with them, I have been since I started doing this at SEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. I have had my share of rude comments, from the republicans that insist we don’t need the funding we ask for, that insist it is somehow preventable, that if you work hard enough it isn’t such a problem, that there is simply no justifying the cost. 

Once or twice a year, I go to the Capital. I wait in lines, I wait until the right time for our appointment, I cause no disruption in their office, I cause no problems in the Capitol building, I respect whatever they ask, even if they ask to talk only shortly outside their door. 

And they just let those terrorists in. They let them storm the FUCKING CAPITAL because they couldn’t grow the fuck up and face the music. Trump lost. Fair and fucking square. But I saw the police LETTING THESE PEOPLE IN. I SAW THEM GET AWAY WITH LITTLE LESS THAN A SLAP ON THE WRIST. 

And I, as someone who is chronically ill, and has been cheated out of a secure future, and the millions of others like me, other disabled people. Who have been cheated out of LIFE and SECURITY from their own goddamn nation because the government is too cowardly to help us. Disabled and chronically ill people get the short end of the fucking stick every goddamn time. 

I, and everyone like me, have the RIGHT to look these officials in the eyes and call them cowards for not helping, we have the right to be FURIOUS, to talk to them with contempt, because they will not help us, they will not even listen. We should not have to be respectful, we shouldn’t have to wair our turn once a fucking year, but we do because we respect the process. 

Those traitors took a shit on the United States and our LEADER encouraged them every step of the way. What about the people with pre existing conditions who worry every year that maybe they won’t have good enough insurance to SURVIVE another week. 

Fuck every single person there, and anyone who instigated it. The terrorists heads should’ve been shoved in the ground, they should have EATEN FUCKING DIRT. 

Enough is fucking enough. I am so tired. I have every right to look those cowards in the face and condemn them all to hell. 

Seriously since the police obviously don't give a shit about stopping these white supremacist fucks, if you happen to come across any posts talking about or even hinting at participating in further civil unrest, please report it, and contact the FBI.

This was written several months before the Capital insurrection.

You can read the full article here [via Medium].

We are (and have been) in dangerous territory. Unless major structural reforms are implemented for both Congress and the executive branch, it's only a matter of time before we become a failed state.

The fetish of "American Exceptionalism" has anesthetized any sustained effort at reform in the belief that "we'll bounce back like we always do". Meanwhile our healthcare, employment, civil and political institutions are crumbling at a rapid pace leaving families hungry and desperate, while a handful of CEOS pay less and control more.

How bad do things have to get before we realize things are bad?

updated birthday wishlist

when I said “overthrow the government”

the thing is, the racists who invaded on the sixth wanted to preserve the government

Okay so…that is a good and terrifying point actually

• The Astral Man | Original piece by Sascha Schneider in 1903. • Modesty | Original piece by William-Adolphe Bouguereau in 1902. Touched by Clayshaper

PEOPLE:

STOP COMING TO TUMBLR FOR NEWS.

There are live updates happening on most major news outlets. Posts circulating on tumblr are behind the times. If you want ACTUAL UP TO DATE NEWS with a minimum of panic and rabble-rousing then check elsewhere.

Yes, this is as bad as it looks. No, a panicky tumblr post does not have all the information. Prefer verifiable facts to social media soundbites.

CNN live updates

NBC live updates

NY Times live updates

CBS live updates

C-SPAN live video feeds (heads up: these are live and I’m not sure what content might be inside—so call this a violent-content warning)

Reuters article (updating but not a live feed)

Additionally, check your state and local news sources. There are related events already happening at the state/local level—it’s equally important for you to know what’s happening close to home. Be informed!

GO TO A REPUTABLE NEWS OUTLET.

please remember that it’s okay to use popular tropes and clichés in your writing. just remember to make them your own, and put your own kinda spin on them. 

don’t let yourself be stopped by what other people say you can or can’t do when it comes to writing. you are allowed to write about whatever you want, regardless of how popular it is in mainstream media. 

edit: obviously, this doesn’t apply to harmful stereotypes, which is incredibly important that we do not write about! (thank you to @stormypaint for the reminder in the tags) 

                                               CLOWNS!!! 🌞🌈🌚

Punchline belongs to me and the her goth friend belongs to @rustybirdcage >:3

*Is masculine in a feminine way that pisses you off*

*is feminine in a masculine way that makes your brain buffer*

You mean Homosexuality? Thats not clever, youre just gay. You shouldve said entitled in a narcissistic way that makes people cringe at you.

It pissed you off didn’t it

flash games actually raised me more than my parents did and im genuinely gonna miss them

You don’t have to miss them, you literally can keep playing them, they are being archived.

Also Newgrounds has been preparing for this for years now and they made their own free software that can still run Flash games.