YEAH REALLY GODDAMN FUCK PEARL YOU ASSHOLE
I MEAN I GET IT…..I GET IT…..we can gather from the episode earlier this week that Pearl never considered herself worth anything before Rose Quartz. the depth of their affection on both sides hasn’t been explored yet but there is a chance Rose Quartz reciprocated to some degree. Pearl fixated on the person that gave her a sense of self worth (understandably) but despite being TOLD she was worth something never really believed it.
how do i know this? from the way she was instructing Connie and talking about being nothing, like it was so normal, it’s internalized but beyond being internalized she believes it without question. she didn’t use Rose Quartz’s affection to HEAL her lack of self-worth, she used it as a bandage. so instead of thinking “maybe i’m worth something after all” she thinks “i’m nothing, but Rose Quartz believes i’m something for some reason so i’m going to do anything for her because she’s the one that counts and she deserves it”. which is obviously not a good way to be thinking about yourself, Gem or otherwise.
so then Greg, this weird, short-lived mortal comes along, lacking the grace and elegance that Pearl prides in herself, probably offensive to her senses on some level - here’s Greg, and Rose Quartz takes a shining to him. even worse, they seem to share a connection. well, if that’s possible, then………what does Pearl have? i have no doubt that Pearl rationalized Rose Quartz’s affection, friendship, romantic love, whatever you want to believe it is, i have no doubt that she rationalized it based on personal merit. “well i’m very clever and organized so that must be why she likes me.” “i overcame my shortcomings and became an elegant sword fighter, something i wasn’t meant to be, this must be why she likes me.” she tells herself these are the reasons.
but then Greg happens and she can’t find anything of value in this weird creature, she can’t find anything like herself in him, and that makes her doubt what she’s been telling herself. how can she keep up her rationalizations when this human that shares NONE of the things she prides herself on swept Rose Quartz off her feet so easily? how are any of the things that she believes gives herself personal merit & that made herself worthwhile to Rose Quartz going to keep meaning anything now? so she latches on to the one connection she and Rose can have that Rose & Greg will never have, and that’s being Gems, and being able to fuse. and she rubs it in his face because she’ll know that no matter how far Rose Quartz goes with him, that’s something they can never have, and she hopes that it will make him feel at least some of the insecurity that she’s been forced to feel.
…THATS MY IDEAS ON IT ANYWAYS