someone: how do you feel?
me: thanks for asking I Have No Idea
Claire: So, who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?
Castiel: Dean said we’re chopsticks!
Donna: Aww that’s cute. Does that mean you snuggle real close?
Dean: No, it means if you take one of us away, the only thing the other one is good for is stabbing.
funnytwittertweets
She took in the cats 😂
Can't believe i just watched a cat baby trap her side piece's whole family
OP's cat:
love it when the algorithm does this shit 😂
serialexperimentsdilbert-deacti
dr who is so crazy imagine your species goes extinct except for two theater kids who call themselves The Orthodontist and the Administrator and they just go around causing problems and destroying your entire culture's reputation
😳 <- this emoji but without the blush or romantic connotation. im not blushing im staring you directly in your fucking eyes
if you excuse the bad editing it would look like this
incredible gender homie! can ı raw you?
bro whys your i circumcised
one thing you need to know about me is that i am constantly having insane galaxy genius ancient greek philosopher level thoughts about everything ever all the time but before leaving my mouth they get filtered through seven layers of autism and come out sounding like a youtube comment made by a nine year old
hey. don't cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)
why were you at mad at me island
My alluring androgyny and strange demeanor have the bitches conflicted on me
Ryan pitching his passion project to Shane: “We’re gonna travel around the country looking for evidence of the supernatural.”
Shane pitching his passion project to Ryan: “I’m gonna need you to fistfight a puppet.”
today i had dinner at my favorite little hole in the wall mexican restaurant and as i was leaving i made sure to hold the door for an older lady behind me and as i stood outside getting my uber figured out the lady walked back up to me very nervously and said “you’re gonna think i’m a crazy lady but it was just put upon my spirit to tell you this: you’re god’s favorite” and she continued to apologetically tell me how she doesn’t know what it means but she was compelled to tell me that i’m god’s favorite. basically what im saying is so long suckers
sorry i'm think with my dick (doesn't have a dick) (i.e. does not think)
"what the fuck is your problem?" (compliment)
"are you sick in the head or something?" (flirtatious)
"fucking freak" (affectionate)