My favorite thing from the internet today.

met a very confused bee who thought my pants were a flower

SOUND ON

aw confused bee sounds like a chicken XD

It is a chicken

i’m losing my fucking mind (x)

I ACTUALLY SCREAMED

Unmute

Unmute

OH MY FUCKING GOD

hey what the fuck??

In all my years of the internet..

Sometimes… youre a weird.

Tapioca is getting big these days!

“entire water of the sea can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship, similarly, negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” 

I need everyone to watch this I’m smiling so fucking big

DO NOT FUCKING IGNORE

why is my snake so beautiful

“Hello? Yes, this whale looks very suspicious. I think he may be trying to get inside a part of the sea that’s not his. Just come quickly.”

So now white people are calling the cops on whales, SMH.

this is the most annoying family ive ever heard

I fully expected it to be a white woman on the phone before I unmuted this.

This makes me laugh so much

“Yeah I’m in a bouncy house, but will this country ever bounce back from our current administration?”

Big mood

I slept in and laughed way too much at this

THE NOISESSSSS LMFAOOOOOOOO

Paranoia Agent (2004) dir. Satoshi Kon

red delicious apples are a waste of agricultural resources

They literally only exist so much because baby boomers liked how pretty they were and didn’t care that they were disgusting. By the 90s grocery stores routinely bought them and threw them away.

“…the paradox of the Red Delicious: alluring yet undesirable, the most produced and arguably the least popular apple in the United States. It lurks in desolation. Bumped around the bottom of lunch bags as schoolchildren rummage for chips or shrink-wrapped Rice Krispies treats. Waiting by the last bruised banana in a roadside gas station, the only produce for miles. Left untouched on hospital trays, forlorn in the fruit bowl at hotel breakfast buffets, bereft in nests of gift-basket raffia.” -Sarah Yager, The Awful Reign of the Red Delicious

in this house we eat honey crisp

Fuji gang represent

Team Granny Smith

Social Media is free

fuck it up Beverly!!

Me @ Beverly

My brother just sent me this on snapchat I can’t fucking stop laughing this is so stupid I hate him

The internet’s pillars of wholesomeness have a new member. Steve Irwin (Love nature), Bob Ross (Love yourself), Mr. Rogers (Love others), Stefan Karl Stefansson (Love life), and now Stan Lee (Love imagination)

Help, my girlfriend calls Red Dead Redemption “Redededemption” and also insists that that’s the name of the main character

her mind is far more advanced than yours will ever be

A message from Stan Lee  (October 5th, 2017)

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose