second choice

i'm not pretty, but i'm not ugly i'm not skinny, but i'm not fat i don't understand what's so repelling about me? why can't i keep a guy is it because i'm annoying maybe it's my laugh, the way i few things the music i listen to. maybe it's not me, it's the people i go for the bad boys, the ones who talk to 5 girls at once the ones who just want you for sex although they "love" another girl, someone who flirts with you and when you tell their girlfriend they blame it on you.

I smoked my first cigarette Because it was the closest thing to death I could find One puff, I felt death kiss my lungs And my life grow shorter The second puff, it’s tongue curled mine And butterflies grew inside my decaying stomach I kissed it back, But I wanted To Make love to it. I wanted to know how it’s hands Would feel against my body, And if it’s bitter coldness Would consume my warm body.

-I want to be cold (via tenwordstory)

And she’s everything you wouldn’t want in a girl. She’s smart, and she can barely finish a book because she’s already planned on what book she wants to read next so she starts to read that book and forgets to finish the other. She’s crazy passionate about the earth and the well being of animals. My god does she love animals. She talks to them as if they could talk back. She cares about people even if they turn her a cold shoulder. She is all for the people and thinks that women should be treated with the same respect as what a man gets. She loves to talk about anything and everything. She’ll tell you about the stars and everything you need to know about dogs and horses. She’s the kind of girl you wouldn’t want. Not because she’s ugly because my god she is beautiful. And not just her physical appearance but her soul. It’s the purest and most raw and magical thing you’ll ever see. She’s the kind of girl you don’t want to touch in a physical way or emotional way. Not because she can’t handle it, because she can. She’s the closest thing you ever get to magic, I mean if you believe in that kind of crap. I sure didn’t until I met her in the coffee shop on 11th street. She was wearing all black and she had the most beautiful brown hair that would fall perfectly in front of her face even when she did pull it behind her ear. Anyways I didn’t touch her in anyway. I just admired her from the other side of the coffee shop. I guess I was a little afraid because I could already feel her existence was something that shouldn’t be messed with and I didn’t wanna screw her up. But I did. Her brown doe eyes locked on with mine and it felt like magic. Again not that I believe in it in that moment. The point is she’s not the kind of girl you want because she’s everything you could ever want in a “perfect girl” if there’s such a thing. She’s not the kind of girl you want because when you touch her for the first time it feels like snow falling and everything in between love. She’s not the kind of girl you want because when you break her heart you’ll see she won’t be the same. She won’t sing in the shower and she won’t radiate warmth from her smile when she looks at you. Like I said she’s magic and everything in between love and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t love her knowing I had all the power in the world to destroy her. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t love her because she’s not the kind of girl who you just fall in love with. No, she’s the kind of girl who you fall in love with because she makes you see that everyone is equal and that animals do have feelings. She’s the kind of girl you fall in love with because you love the way she gets along with your mother and your father adores her. She’s the kind of girl who makes you believe in magic. She’s the kind of girl who makes you see that you have all the power in the world to do whatever you want if you believe and try hard enough. She’s the kind of girl who could be broken so easily if you hit the right spots and when you do.. when you do break her heart it leaves you feeling every bad word in the dictionary. It leaves you with a bitter taste every time you try and talk about her. It leaves you with nothing but a haunting memory of girl who cares more about everyone and everything because no one cared about her. She is not the kind of girl you wanna fall in love with because when you break her heart you’ll never be able to rid the taste of her strawberry lips from yours. You won’t be able to enjoy summer because it will remind you of the time you both sat under a big oak tree near a pond while she read books to you. Shes not the kind of girl you want because when you both part ways and head back home to the grey sheets of your bed it will flash you back to the time you first saw her naked and how you were so scared to touch something so raw and beautiful. She’s not the girl you want to fall in love with because you won’t be able to sleep at night when you part ways because you’re so busy wondering if she is loving someone else. So you see, she is not the kind of girl you want because she is just to damn magical to be real. Or maybe she is and you shouldn’t take my advice and tell me to go to hell but then again you’ll feel like hell when she cries for the first time because of you. So maybe she is the kind of girl you want but maybe she isn’t. Not because she doesn’t deserve love but because she deserves to be loved right, as if there’s a right way to love. My point is she’s herself and in this lifetime? That is something extraordinary and something that extraordinary deserves to be left wild.

Leave her wild (via promisesofamazing)

35364) This new guy I’m seeing tells me he loves my body. I want to scream at him that I’m disgusting, and I’m nowhere near healthy. And now I’m simultaneously more terrified of gaining anything and worried he’ll notice since I’m losing again… I just wish I could be a normal girl who could take a freaking compliment for once.

Reblog if you are insecure about anything below:

-weight

-appearance

-intelligence (or lack of) 

-skills (or lack of) 

-weird hobbies

-friends (or lack of) 

-body

-personality

-family

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I need more oversized sweaters. I need more flannels. I need more Christmas scented candles. I need more fuzzy socks.

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Just remember in about 40 seconds someone is about to commit suicide as we sit here blogging. This post goes out to the teens who took and will take their lives. Please just reblog this post to recognize them and don’t question whether or not you should. I promise it won’t ruin your blog type.

“Has anyone else reached the point of numbness. Like my parents say things that use to make me cry every night, and will forever stay in my mind repeating and repeating…but now they say it and I just don’t feel anything. Its kinda crazy and sad that its reached to this point. Hurt so much that it just doesn’t hurt anymore its just…numbness.”