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Cringe

@xo-callitkarma

when the mouth of infinity
buries it’s teeth in me,
i will smile through the agony for you.
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In an alternate universe I hope I am loved.

unconditionally,

irrevocably,

eternally,

and endlessly.

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I’m getting tired of writing because nothing helps and the pain doesn’t stop. There is no lesson to learn here, just pain. I’m so tired. Nobody understands. Screaming out for help but it seems it’s in silence because nobody hears me. Mask away everything until there is nothing left.

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Auto pilot; do the things you need to do because they need to be done but your mind shut itself off a long time ago and there’s nothing but darkness inside. An abyss. A place you go back to so often you are eventually trapped. Trapped; staring at yourself from the outside looking in while everything continues around you. Keep digging, eventually you will have a grave dug for yourself just in time for you to fall into when the pain finally stops. An abyss shaped like a coffin, a new place to call home.

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“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones I did not.”

Donna Tartt, The Secret History

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when i walk, i make sure my footsteps aren’t too loud. mine isn’t a presence i want people to become aware of. for me, being known is being held at gunpoint. there is nothing more threatening than being recognized.

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Society says…

‘It’s okay not to be okay’… as long as you’re still productive in society

‘Talk about your mental health’… as long as it’s not too loudly

‘Reach out for support’… but we won’t fund mental health services

‘Self care is important’… as long as it’s aesthetically pleasing

‘Let people know when you’re struggling’… as long as it’s convenient for them

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lakrimasx

I often want to rip the skin off my body to free whatever's destroying my insides