Hanging On In Quiet Desperation Is The English Way

“All things pass and pain is temporary. It comes to teach a lesson and when the lesson is understood it disappears into the night.”

((in which essek catches up with his buds over a nice cup of hot cocoa and has to use every ounce of composure he has not to break into a panic attack over what they’re saying))

• the raw panic of hearing about your potential, positive or negative
• a weird brand of imposter syndrome where you genuinely think you’ve fluked your way through every success and you’re gonna be Exposed as a Fraud
• never having learned how to study and having no idea where to start now that you need to
• reading college level books as a kid but being basically illiterate now
• dismissing your struggles as irrelevant because other people have it harder and i should be smart enough to handle this
• feeling like you’ve lost all control over your life (maybe manifesting into depression, anxiety and disordered eating in a grasp for control over something)
• being unable to decide on a career path because you could have had everything, only to watch those opportunities disappear as you fail to commit

• Peaking early and feeling like an eternal failure ever since
• Remembering what it felt like to be motivated and at the top of your game and you could do ten things at once and cared so much, but now it’s a struggle to keep up with anything
• ~depression~
• ~functional depression~ so you feel like you are faking it
• Holding a mediocre job and feeling unfulfilled but feeling like you aren’t good enough to do anything else
• Being book smart but struggles with social skills and communication with others.
• Feeling like you are the worst person on earth for making a mistake or not knowing something

“She was saying goodbye and she didn’t even know it.”