Femme Fatale Guide: How To Decenter Men In Your Life
- Consider the values, goals, and desired lifestyle that feel most authentic to you if social scripts/stigmas didn't apply to you
- Take time to become radically honest with your desires as an individual โ outside of the perception of men, your family, boss, teachers, peers, etc.
- Cultivate a sense of personhood and identity established in your interests, hobbies, skillsets, learning capabilities, creativity, and desire for growth in all aspects of life
- Act in your own best interests. Speak up for your needs, and advocate for yourself. Be more "selfish." Don't apologize for what you want and go after it. Act in your own best interests
- Become confident in negotiating, assertive communication, and standing on your own two feet. Establish relationships in all aspects that are based on mutual benefit and equitable exchange
- Unlearn your self-sacrificing & people-pleasing. Stop shrinking yourself or suppressing your needs to make others feel better or more comfortable
- Validate yourself: your needs, desires, goals, dreams, preferences, and opinions. You need to choose yourself every day. Your appeal to others means nothing if you don't like the person you are or are becoming to satisfy the needs or desires of others
- Consider the ways you're consciously and subconsciously confining your self-expression and belief system to fit the mold/appease the patriarchy. Actively work to deconstruct this mentality and way of being
- Be honest with yourself about how men enrich your life. Not the other way around. Do they fulfill you romantically, sexually, both, or neither? There's no right or wrong answer, except the one that requires you to put on a performance rather than live in alignment with your true self
More resources including book recommendations/creators to follow HERE.
you don't have to do it all alone. I know it's scary and vulnerable. But societies and communities naturally form precisely to prevent this; they exist because nobody can do it all themselves. We are meant to rely on each other. We exist together so we can be vulnerable as individuals, but still strong and powerful as a community. It is our duty as fellow humans to give what love and care we can, count on the fact that someone else will even when we can't, and be open to receiving it ourselves. That is the pact of humanness; that is what we owe to each other.
When you convince yourself that you are a specific โtypeโ of person, you often only limit yourself. โIโm just a sadder personโ โiโm just a fucked up personโ โiโm a person whom people just donโt understandโ Okay? What about all the time you have to transcend that? Authenticity requires allowing yourself to expirence all the states you are capable of. Youโre allowed to be different every day. Donโt let arbitrary categories become essential to your identity and restrict you in your becoming. You as a human have received the gift of fleetingness and adaptability: you are not a fixed, one dimensional entity. Treat yourself like the complex and versatile person that you are.
The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened and theyโll instantly start celebrating too they have no idea what the context is, theyโre just always ready to party no matter whatย
โThis is not goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. but most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.โ
โ Nicholas Sparks
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Working on Yourself Step 1.
Working on yourself means facing your own problems instead of pretending they don't exist, identifying with them, or making excuses for bad things you do. It's about understanding what you need to change and taking responsibility for your actions and feelings, acknowledging that you need to shift your belief system instead of clinging to it. This helps you become a better person by fixing the things that aren't good for you or others. It's like taking steps to grow and improve as a person.
This is how you start:
Face Your Problems: Instead of pretending your problems don't exist or pushing them away, you deal with them directly. This means being aware of your thoughts and feelings and trying to understand them in a helpful way.
Don't Letting Problems Define You: You know that your problems don't make up your whole identity. They're things you can work on and change, but they're not all that you are.
Being Open, Not Defensive: If someone points out things you're doing wrong, you don't get upset or defensive. Instead, you listen and try to learn from their feedback.
Changing Your Bad Habits: You actively try to recognize and change behaviors that are harmful to you or others. This might mean getting help, thinking about your actions, and trying hard to do better things instead.
Getting Better as a Person: The main aim is to improve and become a better version of yourself. This involves making good changes, learning new things, and building healthier habits over time.
- I love myself and deserve happiness.
- I radiate confidence and positivity from within.
- I'm special and I'm proud to be different.
- Good things naturally come to me because I'm worthy.
- I love myself no matter what others think.
- I am enough, exactly as I am, without needing to prove myself.
- I treat myself with kindness and speak to myself with compassion.
- I control my thoughts and choose to be happy.
- I take care of myself every day because I'm important.
- I say goodbye to bad feelings and welcome joy.
- I forgive myself for mistakes and learn from them.
- I treat my body well because it's important.
- I create my future full of love and good things.
- I make friends and meet nice people.
- I deserve love and respect from others.
- I'm always getting better and that's cool.
- I trust myself and feel good about my choices.
- I'm not stuck in the past; I make my own future.
- My self-love helps me deal with problems.
- I honor my boundaries and stand up for my needs.
- I look and feel great inside and out.
- I'm thankful for good things and love around me.
- I'm confident and believe in myself.
- I accept compliments and love from others.
- I'm valuable no matter what happens around me.
- I attract good stuff and chances in my life.
- I take care of myself and rest when needed.
- I focus on myself, not what others are doing.
- I am resilient and capable of handling whatever comes my way.
- I'm deserving of success and take steps to get there.
- I talk nice to myself and use good words.
- I am my own best friend, and I treat myself with kindness.
- I'm a shining light and inspire others.
- I'm not hard on myself or others.
- I'm nice to myself and treat me well.
- I trust my gut and make smart choices.
- I'm full of love and share it with others.
- I am constantly learning and growing, embracing change with grace.
- I release all negative self-talk and embrace my inner cheerleader.
- I feel good about how I look and feel.
- I think good thoughts and feel good.
- I meet kind people who like me.
- I let love in, from others and myself.
- I'm strong and brave when things are tough.
- I celebrate myself and my achievements.
- I'm not scared and can do many things.
- I am not defined by external validation; my worth comes from within.
- I make a happy life for myself.
- I am my own source of happiness, and I nurture it daily.
- I'm loving and loved.



