her: wtf you only lasted like 10 seconds 

me: nothing lasts forever 

im at a party and i just saw someone dab to cotton eyed joe can someone please come pick me up

Um… how the fuck is there a lure on an unreachable pokestop? Like, I’m watching this thing, and there are no boats near it. Why is there a stop even out there?

I mean, I have a kayak at home. I could go get it and paddle out there just to see what the deal is. Is it worth it?

I AM FUCKING DOING THIS.

I am literally sitting here in a kayak catching pokemon, and I still can’t figure out how someone got a lure on this pokestop. It’s just me out here, no other boats, like what the hell. People on the shore are staring at me. I can feel them judging me for actually paddling out to this pokestop. GOTTA CATCH EM ALL.

When I got back to the shore, a guy asked me if he could borrow my kayak to get the pokestop, and now I’m charging people $10 a pop to use it.

If DJ Khaled can update his story while lost at sea on a jet ski at night I think you can text back

You know what

What dark appetites does he feed

so apparently Daft Punk made condoms 

what a time to be alive

ME

shut up!!!!!!

I WILL START GOING TO BED AT A DECENT TIME WHEN LEONARDO DICAPRIO GETS AN OSCAR

fuck

*spends a whole minute deciding whether to write u or you*