after I graduate I want to go to my teachers house in the night and be like 

there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me

it’s called the throne

Honestly tbh? I'm being honest

personal quotes for your dash!

what the actual fuck OkCupid

like last summer Hunts Pasta Sauce was interested in me making an online commercial for their pasta sauce, and they gave me $200 to make a test video, and this is what i made, and they didn’t like the language, and i was like “when we make the real commercial we can just bleep it” and they were like “whats your deal?” and i was like “What” and they were all “You’re a whack job, this video doesnt have anything to do with pasta sauce like we asked.” and i was like “Whatever.”

What did I just watch

“It was certainly the plan to have him be a love interest and what happened very quickly was in that “Master Plan” episode, they have a conversation in a bar. And I wrote this thing into [it] where Ben says to her very casually, “Like you want to run for office someday, right?” and she says, “Yes, how did you know?” He just sort of blows past it, and the idea was like he’s just kind of got her number… he just kind of gets her, he understands her and who she is and what her goals are.” —Mike Schur

#i mean it’s a joke we say but#your fave could never????????????????#i really hate when ppl say that i’m sorry#maybe your fave can but it’s really really rare#to have a relationship this satisfying and still interesting and wonderful like#idk i was thinking about today when leslie got picked to run for city council at the end of season 3#and like how fucking ecstatic was she for that#and think about how far from that she is in the flashforwards#a 2 term governor of indiana#and some unknown other political achievement#and ben was there with her the whole time#picking up the kids when she couldn’t and writing her speeches and buying her a beer when it got too hard#they’re a political power couple but they’re also just a power couple#aside from everything else#they just have so much love at their core and they just ‘get each others numbers’ as mike schur says#and i dont think i’ll love anything on tv as much again

why are negative qualities given female names? debbie downer. negative nancy. chatty kathy. take your sayings with female-coded names and swap them. donnie downer. negative neil. chatty charlie.

Sexist Sam Racist Ralph Homophobic Herman

that’s the spirit. you’re hired.

i work at a movie theater and yesterday i misspoke and asked someone if they wanted butter on their ice 

i love this so much

"hey, how was school?”

Hi I’m auditioning for the role of E.T. from “E.T.” and I will be singing “E.T.” by Katy Perry

Friend: OMG you should watch this new show it’s so good

Me: Is it on Netflix? 

 Friend: No its on TV

 Me: I ain’t never gonna watch that shitty ass show