·.★·.·´¯`·.·★ 🅵🆄🆃🆄🆁🅴 🆂🆄🅸🅲🅸🅳🅴 🆅🅸🅲🆃🅸🅼 ★·.·´¯`·.·★.·
i should've felt bad losing my friends, but i don't. maybe I'm just a bad person who couldn't keep anyone around me and i just made up reasons to hate them so i feel less guilty. because a good friend would've felt bad, guilty, but i don't. i don't even feel anything at all. maybe they were always nice but i expected more, i wanted more, i needed more. i don't know if i should hate them or hate myself, probably both. i don't know what I'm feeling right now. i feel okay cutting people off, i feel okay being alone. but hey i have my own space now, I'm safe even if it's lonely. nobody hurts me, i hurt nobody. i don't feel guilty, i am fine. i am fine losing anyone. i am perfectly fine.
i hate you. you only reach out to me and ask to meet up if you need something. and what sucks even more is that, i’ll continue to be at your beck and call. because i’m obsessed with the attention you give me.
when a person tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide you didn’t.
i love life. i love everything. and everyone. and even myself. it’s all so beautiful. (this feeling will end in the next 5-10 minutes and be replaced with a soul crushing sense of depression.)
That moment when you realize that your fp treats everyone that way and suddenly you don't feel special anymore and now you wanna cut and die
i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent i may be insane but im independent
alright i think i said it enough times to actually believe it
The fact that I can never auto regulate myself until someone else soothes me or until I hurt myself is very draining.
Bouncing back and forth between “i don’t wanna be alone” and “i want to isolate myself” is quite the wild ride.
But incase you weren’t aware, these are both ways a fear of abandonment can show itself.
sorry i didn’t text back, i was dissociating from reality



