if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

• how to write a resume
• how to protect your home against break-ins
• effortlessly earn cash from polls online
• reasons to take a foreign language
• harsh truths
• questions to ask in an interview
• getting an apartment
• list of jobs based on social interaction levels
• long distance relationships: how to stay in contact
• how to find a college
• marriage
• how to ask for a recommendation letter
• how to choose a college major
• what to do if your wallet is stolen/lost
• budgeting
• how to write a cover letter
• how to handle a phone interview
• how to get a copy of your birth certificate
• first-time flying tips
• how to ask a good question

• how to write a resume
• how to protect your home against break-ins
• effortlessly earn cash from polls online
• reasons to take a foreign language
• harsh truths
• questions to ask in an interview
• getting an apartment
• list of jobs based on social interaction levels
• long distance relationships: how to stay in contact
• how to find a college
• marriage
• how to ask for a recommendation letter
• how to choose a college major
• what to do if your wallet is stolen/lost
• budgeting
• how to write a cover letter
• how to handle a phone interview
• how to get a copy of your birth certificate
• first-time flying tips
• how to ask a good question