if we wanna save tumblr we just have to put on the biggest talent show this town’s ever seen

Maybe at some sort of convention?

Nurse: "Your sturgeon will be in shortly"

Patient: "You mean my surgeon?"

Nurse: "No."

*an 800 pound fish flops into the room, thrashing violently on the linoleum and knocking medical equipment to the floor*

In the mid-2000s there was a brief fad in Australian government messaging where they went out of their way to insult the public as much as possible.

This fad eventually died out after the tourism board attempted the same style of messaging in the UK, causing a minor scandal which led to the head of Tourism Australia, Scott Morrison, getting the sack.

The first time we drove past the “don’t drive like a cock” sign, my mum looked at it was immediately SO confused - after all she’s a good semi-conservative Christian woman. My brother and I knew it right away but for the next half hour she guessed literally EVERY other word for cock (don’t drive like a rooster, chicken, hen, chick, bird, fowl, poultry) trying her goddamned hardest to make the sign make sense until my - at the time - eleven year old brother got fed up and yelled COCK at the top of his lungs from the back seat.

My mum was FURIOUS - we weren’t even allowed to say “heck” - until she realised he’d just been telling her what the sign was, and for the rest of the three hour trip our good semi-conservative Christian mother proceeded to amuse herself by muttering “cock” under her breath and giggling like a teenager every time she did.

We still bring it up every now and then. So that particular advertising campaign has been making my family laugh for over a decade.

This one was always my favourite, though:

Reblogging to make sure this excellent story is seen

maslow didnt even considering fingering when he made that gay as fuck tringle we should beat him with hammers

Pride!

maslow didnt even considering fingering when he made that gay as fuck tringle we should beat him with hammers

obsessed with baby nautilus

look at it

Wall•E and Eve have the same dynamic as Connecticut Clark and Malfina.

I really don’t know how to explain myself.

First rule of reincarnation is to have insane sex with the guy who killed you last time

Happy Lesbian Day of Visibility! ❤🧡🤍💗💜

My stand is simple honestly.

Call yourself what you want, we all know at the end of the day we are here we are queer and be proud of it.

You underestimate me.... *unsheaths and re-sheaths my sword in the blink of an eye. you now have top surgery*

peace and love on planet earth

the titsaiga, capable of removing 100 breasts in a single slash

the tensaiga, capable of restoring 100 boobs from another realm

i love adding explosions mid sentence. like i could be in the middle of rambling about something or i could be attempting to be funny and then i'll j💥

thank you. please dont do this to me

what is your problem

HELLO ????????

and you werent wrong. what the fuck

I don't even know how to feel about these

Unlike billionaires, pickpockets often recognize they have a lot in common with the potential victims of their crime.

This reminds me of Rhys Nicholson the comedian who got mugged and the mugger said "I promise this isn't a hate crime, my sister is a lesbian im pro gay rights"

I think one of the most profound forms of love is "I'll try that, for you. I may not like it, but I'll try it."

It's a confused middle-aged man in a pottery class, whose daughter is helping him with his clay's plasticity. It's a kid scrunching up their brow while listening to their mom's favorite music, trying to figure out why she likes it. It's a girlfriend who says "Yes, I'll go with you" and her girlfriend cheering and buying a second ticket for a con. It's a friend half dragging another friend through an aquarium, the one being dragged laughing and calling out "Wait, wait, I know we're here for the exhibit, but I haven't been here! Slow down!"

It's being willing to spend some of your time trying something new because it makes someone you love happy.

man the site that used to be full of people horny for the onceler now getting really hyped about tree law is some serious poetic irony

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees!

And for some fucking reason, they speak legalese!!!

#fuck yeah treegalese

(via @tanoraqui)

How the media depicts the Apollo 11 mission:

Actual quotes from the Apollo 11 mission:

also according to michael collins when the three of them were discussing what neil armstrong should say when he first stepped on the moon, collins suggested armstrong say “Oh, my God, what is that thing?”  and then scream and cut out his mic.

Everyone forgets Michael Collins and it’s fucking tragic.

am i posting to much? idk what normal posting behavior is like on this website

this is so cool, i can now read the most poetic posts ever about the most inane things without having to go on r/tumblr

MOM LOOK IM ON A TUMBLR COMIC

WAIT THATS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

not to talk about doctor who but remember being a lonely depressed teenager and hearing him say ‘900 years of time and space and i’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important’

he was like ‘just this once-everybody lives’ and i chased that shit with homosexual determination for every day since, like maybe through pure force of will i could save everyone i loved from a system that wanted us dead