every day i clock in for work at the disposable book factory, and print 10,000 pages to bind 100 books, which are given to a number of people who are able to read one page of each book, loaded onto a cart to be shuttled to the north side of the factory where someone else can read another page, and then they are taken to my doppelganger, who unbinds and unprints them
every day i clock in for my 12hr nightshift in the clown station at the joke factory, but all of the jokes have already been made, so i stand around, listening to the sounds of the sillymachines stamping each joke with the official holographic seal of approval from the clowning advisory board, waiting at my station, honking and squirting, until midnight, when the next day's batch of punchlines drop in the gigglesystem
but is it all worth it, to hear the laughter of children as fresh jokes are cracked over their head? no. i'm in it for the money
every day i clock in for my 12hr nightshift in the clown station at the joke factory, but all of the jokes have already been made, so i stand around, listening to the sounds of the sillymachines stamping each joke with the official holographic seal of approval from the clowning advisory board, waiting at my station, honking and squirting, until midnight, when the next day's batch of punchlines drop in the gigglesystem
extremely funny corporate email this week asking us to please "wear our favorite pride attire" to a company-wide zoom meeting to celebrate the "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning and plus communities." none of these zoom meetings are ever during night shift hours so it's a bit of a moot point but like. you mean my leather, or my rubber? i'm supposed to pick the favorite?
um. we calculated all possible trajectories for your boyfriend and it turns out the positive and negative infinities cancel out. yeah we made a diagram. sorry
we collided your boyfriend with another boyfriend at energies of about 13 teraelectronvolts and observed probable higgs boson decay to a photon and a z boson which may or may not be inconsistent with prediction from theory yeah sorry
um. we calculated all possible trajectories for your boyfriend and it turns out the positive and negative infinities cancel out. yeah we made a diagram. sorry
i have this problem called "brain disorder" where i will put a thing on my to do list, look at the list and go "but i don't want to do any of those things" and then not do any of them, as if that was the reason for the list. like girl focus. nobody wants laundry but we tried the alternative and it was worse (forever chemicals). that reminds me. what happened to those pants they poured ketchup on? are they going to outlive us all. where are the neverwet pants now. has anybody seen the neverwet pants and the fresno nightwalker at the same time? these and many other questions may remain unanswered
i probably should have just added this on the post when i saw it (anyone who's seen my covid posts should already know this anyway), but it's still on my mind so i recently saw a post that claimed there are still "tens of thousands of deaths from covid in the US every week"
this is not accurate, we have not had a week with over 10k deaths in the US since february 2022. we have not had a week with more than 2k deaths since march 2023, and the CDC is recording less than a thousand deaths per week over the past month. in a worst-case scenario, this could represent 2.2x as many excess deaths (the upper end of the WHO's excess deaths estimate for the US), but there are almost certainly not "tens of thousands" of undiagnosed covid deaths. when deaths first rose to that scale, we were all discussing mortuary refrigerator trucks and mass graves in new york, because at that rate, it becomes nearly impossible to conceal death in the way we are used to it being concealed
that was kind of grim but the good news is the vaccines are working, they have nearly eliminated extreme outcomes, and the general population is sufficiently vaccinated to slow the spread. the other good news is that if it continues this way -- less than a thousand deaths per week -- that would pull covid out of the top three causes of death, it takes 2k/wk to match the number of deaths caused by heart disease or cancer in an ordinary year. i had kind of assumed it would stay there in the top three, seeing the numbers continue to drop has been a relief, although i do remain aware that each of these numbers represents a preventable tragedy
i recently learned that the mentos in diet coke effect is not really a chemical reaction but more like a fluid-mechanical reaction. the mento has many microscopic bubble nucleation sites (this itself is rather hard to believe, isn't it) and the faster it passes through the bottle of coke the more foam it makes
terfs see a transwoman blogging about how satisfying her years-long lesbian relationship has been and go "how can i make this about how i'm not attracted to her"
terfs also do this thing that's a bit harder to explain, but is painfully obvious if you can see that gender conformity has been an essential tentpole of the white supremacist project of imperial expansion since at least victorian england, where they will seemingly root their complaints in a sort of implication that communities cannot function unless they are ideologically in lockstep, and why can't anyone see that they are not identical in opinion to the peers they associate with -- blatantly missing the crucial point that this is, like, the first hurdle of any real-world exercise in community, and in most cases it was discussed so long ago, usually like a first-meeting icebreaker, that the topic has become boring -- inadvertently revealing that the experience of community is sadly alien to them, and its basic underpinnings offend and confuse them. like, in most real-world cases we already had drinks about it and went on with the community-building actitivies anyway, because it's usually preferable to say "huh, it's interesting that you think that, i don't know if i see it that way" and move on, when people have marginal differences in opinion but want to work towards larger shared objectives. like... we've been a community for decades at this point, if you want to nail a thesis to the door we have that on mondays, but it sounds like you haven't even seen the gay agenda? it's BYOD. but thesis night specifically prohibits theses that suggest wedging the community. it's all covered in the orientation?
the funniest thing about winning a "perfect attendance drawing" -- a thing that is both aligned with my class interests, in the sense that i am behaving as the coercive forces of capitalism would like me to, and is not really the sort of person that i want to be, in the sense that i would rather be unionizing my coworkers -- is like... on the one hand it did have me going "i am the goodest worker" and on the other hand i can't get through a shift without my four unsanctioned 20min breaks and my 50min lunch. i have logged ten hours in microsoft solitaire. like... did i clock in and out on time without missing a day, the thing they evaluate for perfect attendance? obviously. was i in the building the whole time? no. i was finessing time theft. was all of my work done.... resigned sigh... yeah. my shift consistently does 3x the work of other shifts. so clearly everybody else has figured out how to finesse it better. and then on the third hand these incentives all seem kind of absurd when you've already divided net profits by number of employees (they could pay all of us $17k more per year without reducing any c-level salaries. but that's how you get on the fortune 500 list). and then on top of that it's been slow and they're practically begging people to volunteer for unpaid time off and it's like... ok we all know you're using labor to absorb the brunt of an incorrect sales forecast. that's also how you get on the fortune 500 list. but the sheer comedy of my manager being like "well you may change your mind about crewing down because you've won tickets to an event!!" like girl no. i will be there. you scheduled me. your problem. you are trying to trick me into having imperfect attendance. aren't you
terfs see a transwoman blogging about how satisfying her years-long lesbian relationship has been and go "how can i make this about how i'm not attracted to her"
engineers will literally eat food out of a bowl
non engineers do this too
engineers will eat food out of your hand. if you're gentle
when you have penetrative sex with someone for the first time it's called "consommating the relationship" because you make an egg raft to clarify the broth