Real Jester Hours

Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk

“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”

Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?

Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby

Husband: RIVETING!

Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️

Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!

Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk

All of tumblr collectively at my husband:

Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream

Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!

Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued

Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this

Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays

Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.

????

#rebagle

ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices

absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral

i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another

in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny

been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner

circuitofficial

is this you

yes

run

mortalmab

My best friend and I have this tradition we call “chicken dinner” where we get a rotisserie chicken, lay it on a tarp, start on opposite ends of the tarp, and on the count of three we both run at the chicken and start ripping into it with our bear hands. We will be on our knees fighting for the best pieces of meat, ripping into the chicken with our faces, and it is the most viscerally delicious chicken I have ever had in my life. Grease gets everywhere. We have to do this outside. We have to tie our hair in buns beforehand.

You have never known the joy of food until you are lunging at your friend to rip the best part of the chicken out of their hand, rolling around on the tarp, stuffing it in your face before they can retaliate, and you realize “holy shit did I just growl?” And then you realize they are doing it too.

The chicken gets decimated. It’s absolutely destroyed. We aren’t allowed back inside until we have been hosed down. It’s the best.

mortalmab

Oh ye of little faith.

cipheramnesia

People across the street looking through the blinds, "Harold! Harold come quick, they're doing the chicken thing again!"

#rebagle #go feral

grawly

#rebagle

minecraft

I think I accidentally discovered an arguably divine minecraft seed

minecraft

Seed: “1417712404511” Version: 1.19.4 (Latest Release at the time of this post.) That stripe through the mountains is pure calcite, not snow. Never seen anything like it before. I came up with this seed by writing the Hebrew term for “New World” using just numbers in English, which I intially thought was “Olam Kadash” - 01417712404511 (first zero gets eliminated by Minecraft though) - however, upon reflection, the correct term in hebrew is “Hadash”.

#rebagle #minecraft

momdusa

From 3DBearnadette on tweeter...

klapollo

okay i looked into this and apparently this isnt even just dracula the wolfman and frankenstein's monster like. they're DESCENDANTS of them who are normal guys who turn into a vampire a werewolf etc. they do this to "atone" for the actions of their ancestors.

this is them normally and they apparently transform by slapping their hands together and shouting WACKO and this is called the "drak whack." dracula is alive too. they call him Big D.

#rebagle #what

clitfisto

peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

clitfisto

dont do this

babblingbranches

I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.