To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.

Pls reblog if u vote :)

Retweet

Nahhh, can’t risk it.

✨sorry y’all

im sorry yall

I work in insurance yall, I ain’t risking shit

I’m cool with superstitions, but now I don’t trust any of you fucks behind the wheel…

I’m sorry y’all

This week has been absolute dog shit so i can’t risk it.

Can’t risk it

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

Reblog this and money will be entering your life this week

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

I wish to have a glow up

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

This is the money pentacle. Reblog and unexpected money will come to you!

Shiiiiit. I reblogged, and I got $750 in two days for basically nothing! The first day this client/POT asked my agent to invite some girls and I to his end. We basically sipped wine and left with $500 each. He called me yesterday and we took a ride on my highway and gave me $250😂😂😂. Money blogs everyday any day!

Won’t chance it.

Yo this shit works not even gonna front like I didn’t just get money

Let me reblog this 2x then 😂

Do the thing pls

im screaming it worked lmfao

Not to be a “tumblr witch” but I’ll try anything twice

Guys…. I didn’t think it would work but wtf….I just checked my email…

I have an extra $600 I didn’t have before ;____;

Fuck it, I need the money 😂

the money has come it was $44 but it CAME

why do jellyfish only sting when theres physical contact

why doesnt the electricity just surge throughout the entire ocean

why dont jellyfish rule the world

Fun fact!  Jellyfish don’t use electricity to sting you.  Whenever they feel pressure against their tentacles, it causes its cells to rapidly send out these stingers into your skin that then release its venom.  Like this:

#science tumblr to save the day from inaccuracies

#THAT’S WORSE

They are called nematocysts. They are what make box jellies and other fun lil critters so dangerous, because without these wee little daggers, the venom would have no way to get into your skin. And yet something as thin as nylon stockings or pantyhose is enough to protect you, they are so small. So if you’re scared of jellyfish? Wear sexy sheer undergarments into the sea like the regal creature you are.

I’m going to reblog this again because that is some of the best advice I have ever gotten on this blog.

Gotta do it

I don’t care what news I get I just want this stupid potato dog on my dash

^

Best news? Just gimme the cute dog pic!!!! 😍