There's a user called Erika Horn (@erikahorn.art) on tiktok who made a "duet me" challenge so technically impressive that all of the duets are exactly like this LMAO

Fanfolks today need to remember how important The Premise was.

Y'all have heard of The Premise, right?

See, historically there have always been people who saw an extra layer of gayness on certain pairs of fictional people (you just thought of several), and people Back Then even wrote their own fanfic (or as they were called at the time, "pastiches"), but the first widespread queer fanwork to really define the fanfiction genre was KIRK AND SPOCK. Kirk/Spock. K/S. The very first slashfics.

Why this work was vastly, overwhelmingly written by straight women is a discussion for another time, but it was, so that's the main perspective I'm gonna consider here.

How do you - a statistically middle-class, 30+, stay-at-home wife and mother - how do you write slashfic ao3-style in the 1960's before the internet?

Carefully.

Through letters with friends, phone calls, pen pals, and sometimes - sometimes - clandestine meetings of small groups. Whole novels were written communally, round-robin style, by sending typed or handwritten additions chapter by chapter to each other. These were all underground, some deep underground; even the early Trekkie fanzines of the time wouldn't touch them.

And keep in mind, few of these stories were explicitly even sexual! But they were all about a very, very close relationship between two men. In the 1960's.

Guess how cool everyone else was about this.

Actually, for their part, Gene Rodenberry and the other writers were fine with it, saying that they had deliberately written the characters to be two halves of a whole, and if you wanna read it that way, yeah sure, go right ahead. Shatner and Nimoy took it all in good humor, and seemingly still do, each guy basically gesturing to the other and chuckling "I mean, who wouldn't?"

(CORRECTION: At least, they did until Nimoy passed away in 2015. Thanks @richie-is-rich!)

But elsewhere there was vicious backlash against The Premise, and not just within the fandom. This was still at a time in the US and UK when various "sodomy" and "decency" laws made no distinction between homosexual sex acts and just, like, directly lighting another man's cigarette with your cigarette in public. (That, sadly, is not a fucking joke.)

It was probably the closest some suburban cishet women came to understanding the pain of being in the closet. They had to protect this secret from their friends and family at all cost. There were cases of divorces where women lost custody of their children because their writing had come to light.

Can you imagine having such a burning desire to write for your OTP that you were willing to lose everything over it? Even if you were never caught, you still had to be willing to wait weeks, months, to receive a letter in the mail that you had to carefully intercept, read in secret, and then add your own chapter t, also in secret, and then send off, perhaps never to be seen again.

These people were goddamn heroes, and they laid the foundation for the world we live in today. A world where we can read, write, comment on, or share - in a matter of seconds! - literature about two background characters from two different franchises enjoying a really specific kink involving vacuums or something. And that's objectively amazing.

Raise a toast to our fanfiction elders, who simped in the darkness so we could simp in the light of day.

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here with another taste test. I'm here in 1976, and I'm gonna get some fries from Mickey D's before they changed the recipe, and then I'm gonna take 'em back to 2022, and get fries from the same McDonald's, so I can compare. Now, I've got my Nixon, uh, Ford? Carter? Era fries right here, so now I'm gonna"

*everything appears stretched and distant, and then the camera flies through space, through the sun, over millions of different Earths, past the faces of individual people in a thousand different timelines, splintered day by day, the long-dead alive once more, their varied futures lying before them. They appear to be screaming*

"annnnnd here we are, gettin' the new fries, today. I have to say, I like the old fries a bit better, bit more crisp, but Mickey D's fries are still Mickey D's fries, y'know? Anyway, I know some of you guys were freaked out at all the screaming time faces last video, but like, I'm used to 'em, and they aren't even audible to me? But y'know what is audible? That's right - Audible, use code -"

"Hi y'all, it’s Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here to respond to some allegations."

"Lots of you are saying, Chronomaster42, why don't you stop World War II? And I keep saying that I can't change history. History's got, like, antibodies, and these haters eject me back to my time if I do anything that'll change anything. Like the space time con...tainium doesn't want me traveling around time."

"And before you start bringing up that guy who erased...France? The fuck is France? From ever existing, that wasn't me, you guys. Get your facts straight. That was @true_chronomaster, the only TikToker with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. i have nothing to do with the Evil Leaper Challenge. I don't have a shadow self. But y'know what I do have? Some words from our sponsor, Raid: Shadow Legends -"

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and today I'm gonna be doing the challenge Gamer_Springtrap2011 gave me, where I'm travelin' back in time to finally figure out which religion is true, and then I'm gonna make a tier list so we can put all this drama about which religion's the right one behind us and just settle on one of 'em that's the best. Like, finally, you know?"

"But before we go back in time to see if Adam and Eve was real, we've gotta check in with our sponsor, Adam and Eve, discreet packaging and shipping -"

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, still sorry to every world religion, though like, you should really be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 for trolling me so hard. I got trolled guys. I'm sorry for my video 'CHALLENGE: I get this guy sitting under a tree in India to break his concentration'. I'm sorry for my video 'WHOA: I told a Roman cop where a guy was and got THIRTY SILVER COINS?!?!?' and shout out to Judas for catching my strays. Like, guys, I'm sorry. You should be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 though."

"Anyways, I've got this cool new money-making opportunity in the past. So like, what if we take things from the past, and sell them now? I found this guy with all this metal in his house, and it turns out nowadays they'll pay a lot for it 'cause normally you can only get copper from people stealing wire to pay for meth, but this is really good, honest copper. But like, I've gotta preserve history and shit, so I've been taking his copper and replacin' it with painted rocks. I think people are realizing 'cause every time I go to his house the copper guy's real mad and carrying stone tablets, it's funny. That Earnie Sir guy may be selling bad metal, but if you want real metal to hang on your walls, check out our sponsor Displate -"

"Hi y'all, it's TimeController73, the one EbaumsTuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I uh, think I might have messed up the continuum a bit. I'm gonna take some time to fix it, but you know who will have the movie you want to stream right now? Today's sponsor, Blockbuster+..."

"Hello y'all, it's ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and we've gotta talk about something important. Earlier this month I asked to ride that submersible down to the Titanic. They said no 'cause I didn't have enough money. So, like, I thought, man, you can control time and space! Go back to the real thing."

"But thing is, I got back there, right, and I was hopin' I could push Leo back on that raft 'cause the two of them could totally fit, CinemaSins had the real shit on that, but get this: he wasn't even there? Like, the two of them aren't even real? I looked all over the Titanic for 'em and I ended up falling from the ship when it broke in half so I made a portal under me, and it's kind of scary that I could have died on the Titanic and not been able to make content anymore. If I died in 1912 and didn't have new videos the algorithm would deprioritize me, y'know? It's so scary to think about. And like, I know I said the screaming faces of everyone's potential futures didn't get to me but man, they kinda get to you when there's also a lot of people screaming in the water."

"When I got back to 2023 I had two boxes on my doorstep. One was unmarked and just had a note in it saying 'THEY ARE COMING. THE RECKONING IS NEAR. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE, AND THE ANTIBODIES GROW. YES, THEY DO GROW, AND THEY HUNGER.' And I'm kinda hungry too, 'cause I didn't eat on the Titanic, so it's good that the other was my first meal kit from today's sponsor, Hello Fresh..."

“Hi, y’all, it’s ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I’ve got some exciting news. I’m gonna be collabing with Mr. Beast on a new challenge video where we, like, go back in time and try to survive for seven days. It’s gonna be cool as hell. We wanted to go back to Imperial China, but Mr. Beast said he was afraid we might not be respectful enough to the Emperor and thus would commit 大不敬, one of the Ten Abominations, and due to our non-noble status, we wouldn’t be able to rely on the “八議” or ‘Eight Deliberations’. Which, like, fair ‘nough. So we settled on our backup plan, which is a lot safer: France in 1916! Man, I can’t wait to see the Eiffel Tower before it got all old stuff and like, we’re gonna see it! Stay tuned, guys!”

*deep breath*

“Hello, you all. It’s ChronoMaster42, and normally I’m the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. But today...I’m the only Youtuber who’s sorry they got Mr. Beast exploded.”

“I am. I know everyone’s canceling me, they’re canceling everyone just cause – it was his idea to go back to the Western Front anyway, and…”

*sigh*

“I’m sorry. I understand how upset you all are at the exploding of Mr. Beast. I want to apologize to the internet and to the whole Chrono crew, ‘cause I know I, uh, *stares into the camera* have changed a lot as a human being, and I’m disappointed in myself more than I’m disappointed in...myself, for going too far? Man, I don’t know what I can do to make it right.”

“I’ve been reflecting. I mean. Reflecting and I’m sorry and like, I understand. I’ll never explode Mr. Beast again. Though...he’s kinda already exploded...and I…don’t think I can re-explode him...”

“*deep breath*”

“I’m sorry for my actions, and I want to move on from this and make videos in the future, with my sponsor...with my sponsor...with my...*furious clicking*...I...don’t have a sponsor. I’ve...I’ve been demonetized! No! No, no, no...let me appeal. Let me appeal…”

“*click*”

A cloud appears behind ChronoMaster42, a swirling vortex through which one can see flashes of times from across all of history, across many timelines; it advances on him.

“What – uh, antibodies, you’re not, like, supposed to be in the present! ‘cause it’s not fixed and shit, and -!”

The cloud envelops ChronoMaster42, who screams, a trail of faces screaming into infinity within the cloud as he, and the antibody, vanish. Stream runs for over four hours with a shot of his empty room, until it’s turned off by a sudden power failure.

You thought your friend was just a little delusional with their whole…insisting they were a god business. But it was nothing too severe, I mean, you got a good laugh out of it sometimes. That was until they convinced the other gods to make you one as well…

ding! ding! ding! ding!

It’s amusing, useful, and satisfying that the Hall of the Gods has a service bell.

ding! ding! ding! ding!

You keep mashing it gleefully as a daemon in a classic white 1920s tuxedo climbs out of a hatch in the wall and stands up behind the front desk to put its hand over the bell. You, in fact, keep mashing its hand, the bell making a muffled “tunk” a few times, before you stop.

“Yes?” the daemon asks.

“There’s been a mistake,” you say, not expecting it to understand or for there to be any reasonable service. The presence of the bell told you everything you needed to know.

It’s not that the daemon wasn’t a reasonable individual, just doing its job, and worthy of respect. It’s that this wouldn’t be in its job description.

But you stop, remembering what it’s like to work in food service, and pull your hand away and calm down.

“Sorry about that,” you add. “Can I give you a tip?” you ask.

“We don’t do that here,” the daemon says, grumpily.

“Bureaucracy, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Shitty bosses?”

“Yeah.”

“OK, sorry. I was in a bit of a mood coming in here and shouldn’t have taken it out on you. But these bells, you know. When you’re on this side of the counter?”

“Yeah.”

“OK, so, there’s a problem, and it’s probably a headache. Do you want to deal with it, or would you rather sick your manager on me? I’m OK either way. I’ve calmed down. The bell did its job.”

The daemon sighs, “Um, go ahead.”

“OK, so,” you explain. “It turns out that my old childhood friend, Nick, has been a god this whole time. I thought he was delusional, or playing a game, and I just humored him. But then he decided yesterday to bequeath me with godhood. And I’m a god. I’m, uh. Management.”

The daemon blinks, “I don’t see the problem?”

“How does your bureaucracy work here? Can you reverse it?”

“What?”

“Can you, a daemon, reverse it? Because, where I come from, daemons do that work and have the expertise, but they have to get the command from higher up, and I don’t want to assume,” you say in as friendly a tone as you can muster without dropping into wait staff voice. You don’t know if it’s good or bad that you didn’t do service in the kitchen. Maybe the tattoos would have broken the ice, but you just don’t know. “Only, there’s one other problem. I’m a god.”

“I think you’re talking past me,” the daemon says. “I thought that you being a god was the problem we’re trying to fix.”

“Yes, but,” you pause. Oh, you’re trying to be kind of funny again in a situation where you shouldn’t. Habit of a trickster. “OK. I was already a god. Now I’m a god twice. And it turns out that works kind of like private insurance, you know.”

“What?” the daemon blinks again.

“I was a god. I was already management. I didn’t know my friend was a god. But he was. And I teased him about it one too many times. And he decided to teach me something by turning me into a god. Which happened. Now I’m a god, but twice. And it’s confusing the universe. And it’s making me dysphoric. And I can’t undo it myself, because it turns out that being tricked myself is my weakness.”

“How does that work?” the daemon frowns.

“Well, it turns out,” you say, “that human gods can’t tell that non-human gods are gods, and visa versa. So, now I’m a human god and a non-human god.”

“And this is the Hall of the human Gods.”

“Yes.”

“But you look so human.”

“Ah! Yes!” you chuckle ruefully. “It turns out that looking human is the best way for an otter to work in a restaurant. And do other things.”

“An otter?”

“Sometimes.”

“I’ll… OK,” the daemon stammers a bit, then calms down and gives you a level look. “Can I see?”

It’s your turn to ask, “What?”

“I can help you. I can even help you without talking to my management. But, I like otters. Can I see?”

Oh, what the hell. You were kind of an asshole, and you’re genuinely sorry about it, “Sure.”

none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

The Skull: Lockwood has no survival skills, his need to win and lack of will to live has replaced them

Lucy: That can't be true!

The Skull: Ask him to race you downstairs.

Lucy: Hey Lockwood, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

Lockwood: *throws himself out a window*

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.

:)

Brace yourselves, Locklyle is a canon certified by Jonathan Stroud 6 years later after the last book of the series was published. Hop on, we're going to have a belated celebration for it.

I've been scream laughing at this for several days

I wanna rant about how hard it is to sleep rn but I need to sleep

Reblog this if you didn't even know Facebook was down.

…it was…?

What do ya mean ?

When???

wait what? it was down? 

Like, today?

…what?

Really?

when?

???

What??

Facebook was down???

“Please take me. I am a good kitty. My name is Tiger. I don’t eat much either. Thank you.”

Los Angeles Examiner, March 14, 1952

i just started crying. Poor tiger

@stvksn on ig

i hope your god has asked you for mercy and i hope you've refused to forgive him

is so insanely powerful. that's gonna be seared in my brain for a long time. fuck.

repost if autism

going thru phone pics and found this thing that was tacked up next to the toaster at my old job, if anyone needs some light toast eating reading material

Would anyone be kind enough to transcribe this or link to a text version?

Everything Is AWFUL and I’m Not Okay: Questions to Ask Before Giving Up on Yourself

Are you hydrated? 

If not, have a glass of water. Dehydration can mimic or increase feelings associated with anxiety and a well hydrated brain functions optimally. Avoid excess caffeine. 

Have you eaten in the past three hours? 

Don’t be a victim of hanger! Get some food–something with protein, not just simple carbs or high-fat. Nuts, hummus, and veggies are great options to feed your studying brain. Keep healthy snacks within reach to avoid mindlessly chowing down on sweets. 

Have you stretched your legs in the past day? 

If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy or time for a run or a trip to the gym, just walk around the block or building. Even minimal exercise preps the mind for learning so that you can focus better and recall things easier, plus it’s good to get a change of scenery. 

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? 

Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine! We bet your study partner would appreciate a compliment. 

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?

If not, jog for the length of a song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around your bedroom for the length of an upbeat song (singing along is a bonus) 

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?

If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends of friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing. 

Have you started or changed any medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? 

That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down. 

If daytime: are you dressed? 

If no, put on clean clothes that aren’t PJs. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress. 

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? 

Put on PJs, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes while focusing on breathing deeper with every breath- no electronic screens allowed! Adequate sleep is a necessity for stress management. 

Do you feel ineffective? 

Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an email, loading the dishwasher, or tidying up your room. Good job!

Do you feel unattractive? 

Take a darn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look. You are always insta-worthy. 

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?

Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial. 

Have you over-exerted yourself lately–physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? 

That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking some time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment for a little. Time spent refreshing yourself is never time “wasted!” 

Have you waited a week? 

Sometimes or perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then. 

You’ve made it this far; and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.

Because someone might need this today

You have survived 100% of your worst days.

This too shall pass.