omg they captured the feeling perfectly

*says a fact in a conversation and a wikipedia citation appears next to my head*

*clicks the citation*

*text pops up saying “this is not true. He saw this in a youtube video once in 2014 and took it as fact”. the words “youtube video” are underlined and in blue”

*clicks on the link*

Bitches out here roleplaying internet trolling

Dreamed that there was a mundane-setting TTRPG I’m going to call “Greg and Maureen” where the players are visiting a non-player character couple their characters are friends with. But the couple is going through a rough spot! The objective was to investigate their relationship and either to help their marriage or hasten their divorce. It’s always small town and you’re always staying at their house. Players could add a little flavor of how they knew Greg and Maureen and even choose some minor traits for them before the game.

I’d played the game with another group before, but I didn’t know there were multiple paths. There’s a note Greg writes confessing to something, but depending on the dice roll it’s a different note. The content of a major plot point depended on a 2d6 dice roll.

In the dream, I’d previously played a version where he confessed to cheating on Maureen with another woman, so I thought Maureen should see the note, but in the game we were playing, my friend Celia found the note, which actually said that Greg was dishonorably discharged from the army for a gay relationship (he’s bisexual) before he met Maureen, and that he had lied about having had an honorable discharge. So for a while I came off as an asshole because I kept saying that Maureen needed to know the contents of the note so that she could confront him about what he did to her, and my friend seemed to me to be unusually blasé about what I thought was an affair.

There were other possible notes. In other timelines he had never had an affair, never been in the army, never even loved her, etc. There was another possible note where you learned he’d lied to her that he was good at track in high school (imagine an impressive mile time, which my dream mind supplied as 6:40, though that won’t even get you into varsity level) when he was actually bad at track in high school (14 minute mile). This was a lie he’d told, like, once, and he and Maureen almost never talked about running or high school sports.

In every possible timeline, Greg was Utterly Wracked with guilt about his secret. Yes, even the high school track universe.

Also, if players had decided that Greg was white before the game, you could unlock a timeline where his secret was that his distant ancestors had been in league with THE Devil from Christianity between like 1830s and 1910s. (The devil was just their accountant. He was ashamed of them for non-devil reasons.) In this timeline, you could actually meet the devil.

You didn’t find a note in every timeline, so sometimes you had to work off other evidence. I had only ever played mainly investigating Greg, but you could also focus on investigating Maureen. I think the other players and I just suspected him of hiding something every time, due to our biases. Sorry Greg! Guess we weren’t real gregheads.

generally not super into shapeshifter characters being revealed to have like a singular True Form. isnt it much more interesting to imagine a creature so fluid and ever-changing that even they cant identify any one body as the "true" self, or simply dont see the need to?

is this you? yes. this one too? yes. but then which one is the real you? define "real" define "you" theyre all me. even the ones that are someone else? especially those.

If plague doctors hadn't been a real thing, and you made them up for a speculative history/fantasy story, people would complain that they're implausibly advanced and way too cool.

Like you're like "yeah there's this super lethal illness and nobody actually knows how it spreads so just to be safe they've got these sick gothy fucking hazmat suits. No Greg shut up they totally had all the materials to make them, you can make fabric splatter-resistant by waxing and oiling it. And the mask is because of the- guys shut up, let me finish. The mask is- there's scented- guys shut up. They didn't have germ theory but they figured it has something to do with the air smelling- No shut up, you're a fucking furry. The beak makes it cool. Jerks."

I don't think I've seen an actor who is this passionate about their role ever

If an alien life form had a habit of keeping creatures from other planets as pets, humans would be the Cool Exotic Pet That's Actually A Nightmare To Keep. Consider feeding them. Figuring out the perfect feed pellets with all the nutrition needs covered wouldn't be enough, some of them don't like those pellets. No, you need variety on the pellets. No, not just any plant from Earth will do. And no, you can't just offer them everything and see what they'll eat, they don't have an instinctive way of telling which plants are edible.

And meat? Yeah they eat meat in nature but what the fuck do you mean you just threw a random slab of meat in the enclosure, they're not touching that. Feeding them live prey works for enrichment but occasionally they'll just pack bond with the animal you tossed in there and refuse to eat it. And even if they do kill it? Did you offer them any tools to prepare the meat? Oh fuck's sake humans need to alter the meat's consistency by manipulating temperature, their meat digestion process starts outside of the body, it needs to be cooked for it to be edible. No, that's not instinctive either.

And if the heating tools are wrong? They won't touch those. It needs to be the exact same specific tools that they've seen being used by the packmates, you need a human who already knows how to use these specific fools in order for the others to figure out how to use them. No, there's no way of telling which ones they might be familiar with, you have to try.

And if they were separated from the brood too early and didn't learn? Yeah you're fucked if your human isn't socialized to get along with other humans. It can't even communicate with them. You're probably not going to successfully manage to habilitate it to other humans, if it isn't pack bonded to you it's probably severely depressed and can't even verbally express or conceptually fathom why. No wonder it isn't eating the pellets.

A book with a first person narrator what describes everything with oddly specific clarifications and denials, coming completely unprompted.

"I poured myself a bowl of cereal that had no cockroaches in it."

"Her hair - which was real human hair, growing naturally from her own scalp - was brown."

"I walked to my car which I legally owned and whose rightful ownership had never been under question or dispute."

"Their dog was barking in a way that is entirely normal for a regular, full-blooded dog, and could not be mistaken for the vocalisations of a half-wolf, a jackal, or perhaps a hyena."

"My mother - who has never been convicted or imprisoned for manslaughter - emerged from the kitchen."

Funny to me to think about the whole "oh you say you don't like <insert website> but you'll gladly reblog content FROM <insert website>" as like... trade exports between nations that all a little bit don't like each other.

"Come try these grapes. They're from Tiktok." "OH Tiktok? Wonderful. They grow the best grapes. We just don't have the right terrain for them here." "I agree. Lovely grapes. Wretched country though, I'd never live there." "Oh me neither. They cancel their peasants in the town square. Speaking of, have you seen the new textiles boypussydilf is selling in the town square? Imported from Instagram!" "Oh amazing textiles, Instagram has. Wretched country though." "Absolutely wretched."

I never go on twitter (because, you know, it’s twitter) but I just had a look at it to check up on Hank and I’m glad to see he’s being *extremely* Hank about this

The Ship of Theseus is a story of a ship which, over time, has part after part replaced. By the end, 100% of the original ship's pieces have been replaced. The paradox begs the question of whether it is still the same ship.

The Ship of Theseus is a story of a ship which has its pieces replaced one after another. By the end, every single piece of the original ship has changed. The paradox asks if this is the same ship.

The Ship of Theseus tells the allegory of a ship whose crew are replaced one at a time. Eventually every single crewmate has been swapped for a new one. No one left knows what the carved initials in the mast mean. The paradox wonders whether the ship is still the same ship.

The Ship of Theseus refers to a company which has experienced complete turnover and rebranding. The query wishes to know if it is still the same company. The debtors are asking.

The Ship of Theseus is about a family. The original constituents are dead now, replaced by younger generations which have dispersed, found love, married and gained new names. No one is Theseus anymore. No one remembers the bones. But the genes never forget. Who is the family now?

The Ship of Theseus is you, shed of all the cells which first made you. They're stardust again. You'll be stardust many times over. Who are you?

The Ship of Theseus is me. All my words have changed. Who do I get to be now?

And speaking of scurvy, I am eternally amused by the thing where some ancient form of healing that was born in a time where people didn't know exactly how the human body works, or what causes it to stop working sometimes, that still somehow worked. Like how so many old folk medicinal plants were listed as a cure for various ailments that - from a modern view - are clearly just symptoms of scurvy, and the plant itself is rich in vitamin C.

I recall reading some story, no recollection of the exact time or place, where the king of a large empire suffered from constant horrible headaches and was incapable of falling asleep unless drugged or blackout drunk. Sick of taking temporary fixes to dull the pain and having to be sedated every night, he called up some old sage healer who was said to know how to fix things nobody else could explain, and the healer heard his symptoms and went

"Hmm. You spend too much time being a king. Your skull is packed so full of kingly thoughts that they don't all fit in there and that's why your head is in pain. You need to spend time not being a king." And prescribed him to schedule three days every month where he must go to a peasant village where nobody knows he's the king, live with a family there under a fake name and identity, work in the rice fields with them, eating the same food and sleeping on the same mats. Absolutely nobody is allowed to address him as the king, speak to him of any royal or political matters, and he himself is not allowed to think any kingly thoughts or think of himself as the king.

And naturally, this worked. Taking a regular scheduled break from a highly stressful office desk job to completely decompress, paired with physical exercise in the form of hard but simple physical labour, plain and simple food and Just Not Thinking About Your Fucking Job All The Time does help chronic stress, which here was worded as "spending too much time being a king clogs your brain."

Sometimes you do have ghosts in your blood, though I'm not entirely sure whether you should do cocaine about it.

I love it when characters are immune to psychic attacks/emotional manipulation magic/psychoactive drugs or whatever, but for DEEPLY mentally ill reasons.

Fear gas? I already have an anxiety disorder. Also you don't know the meaning of fear until you have a category 5 autism event in the middle of a social scene and know you'll get severely punished if you act out

Depression aura? Bitch I live an economically productive, nutritionally balanced and physically active life that other people rely on like this.

Haunted? How would my ADHD ass even know?

Pain machine? Hm. If your machine's "10/10" is my "4", I should probably talk to my doctor about better meds.

Oh, we're all mutually unintelligible? This is Tuesday with Autism and Audio Processing issues.

There's something very cathartic about a character facing down the horrors and laughing because the antagonist can't even get close to what they already live with.

why so /srs?

The /j er

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Favourite vegetable?? Pls vote. trying to prove smth!!

1105 votes • Poll ends in 5 days 9 hours

🥕 carrotjesus Follow

OP clearly yuor followers are biased. Carrots are objectively better than broccoli of all things and i think it's problematic that you called carrots stinky it's really manipulative. also tomatos aren't technically a vegetable. maybe try thinking before posting passive agressive polls next time

🤡 jizzardtower Follow

shgdfdsg these tags. yes. chicken wings my favourite vegetable

✴ cadylady2002 Follow

Haha. I just realized the #eggplant looks a little like a d***. That is so #funny !!

👁 shreksbellybutton Follow

🦷 pigeonsarecool Follow

CHICKEM WIMGS

🍵 souperdouper Follow

shoutout to soup. won't stop making shoutouts for soup until one hears me and comes walkig over. i want soup.

Crying at this article calling Tumblr an "upstart" platform jdgdks

brand new used car