A Heart for Your Heart
On a rainy day in the evening, I am sitting alone near the window, staring at the sky and talking with myself. Maybe if I could hold the time back, it would not happen. All of this could have been avoided. We would be sitting together, talking with each other like we used to do. You had sacrificed everything just for my happiness even I know, thanking is not enough to bring you back. Now, all the memories were coming back in flash.
It was a sunny day in the morning at a small house at the corner of the town. I did my activities as usual. I woke up at 7 o’clock then made a cup of coffee for my father, then cleaned up my house, after that I prepared myself to go to campus, wearing casual clothes in black with my favorite sneakers, and my glasses. I went to campus by my father’s old motorcycle. People often called me an old fashion man.
One afternoon I thought about stopping by a book store. As expected, the store was as crowded as the market because there was a best seller novel of the day. I walked around the store, looking for a newly released book that I tried to get one, but I could not find it maybe it was sold out. Suddenly, I heard a really soft voice then I turned my body around to see who was talking to me. There was her, beautiful lady with long blonde hair and using a black Polo shirt and also a black skirt brought me a book that I was looking for. I tried to take the book from her hand. My eyes were caught by her sweet smile on her tiny lips and her blue eyes were deep like the ocean. I did not know what happened to me. My body froze, my mind was full of questions about who was she. There was nothing I could say, it stuck me at the moment. That was the first time I saw a beautiful shopkeeper like her even her face looked pale. I stared fixedly until I was carried away in my thoughts. Again her voice broke my mind, and I realized that I only hold the book from her hand.
I thanked her for bringing me that book, then I asked her name then hold her cold hand. She said that her name was Beatrice Prior and usually called Tris. “Four”, I said. She was confused about why I named Four. Then, I told her that my name was Tobias Eaton, but people usually called me Four because It was my date of birth. She just nodded as if she understood what I said.
Suddenly, there was a man toward us and called her. He asked her to leave. She told him to wait for a while because she had to pay her book first, but he refused. I guessed her wrong, she was not a shopkeeper. She came there to buy a book too. The man who called her before was actually her father. She just put back her book and left. Her face turned gloomy liked she worried about something and left. I took that book and paid it with my book
Once, I went to the river for fishing. I saw Theo with his girlfriend named Jade sat and took a picture. I came to them and they asked me about the book that I bought several days ago. Actually, I invited them to go to the bookstore with me, but they refused because of something. I also told them about Tris. While I was talking about Tris, suddenly Jade interrupted me and said that Tris was her classmate who never socializes and she didn’t like her.
The day when we met at the park near the campus I saw her differently. There was no word spoken by her lips. We were surrounded by silence. Then I tried to build up some words to say, but it seemed like my brain wouldn’t cooperate. After view minutes, She asked me about the novel that I bought that day. I took it out from my bag then gave it to her. Those bright blue eyes were turned into dark blue. Her gaze showed me that she wanted to say something that she couldn’t say. I didn’t know why she used to be like that. I forgot it for a moment, I told her about the novel which told us about a couple who were affected by cancer and they struggled together to get rid of cancer. She listened to me carefully. Then, she continued to share stories about her life. Finally, all the questions in my mind were answered. That pale face and that empty gaze actually kept a lot of stories. She was one of them.
Immediately, I couldn’t think of anything to say, when I heard something from her lips. Somehow this chest felt tight. She patted my shoulder and smiled then said “Everything will be fine, I was just affected”, and Heart cancer was the reason. This rare type of cancer was known as the carcinoid tumor which could produce a hormone all the time that could damage heart valves. She had been attacking by that cancer since six years ago. She went for undergone various kinds of treatment, and one of them when we met at the bookstore. Actually, she was gone to have a medical check-up at the hospital. She lived with drugs that had to consume in her daily life to survive. Sometimes, she wanted to give up but her father used to support her.
The day when the first time I came to her house, I met Tris’s father, Mr.Prior, who cleaned up the garden. We had ever been talked through the phone before when he asked me to take his daughter home because he had to attend a meeting with his business partner. But as usually, Tris refused me. He also used to ask me to take care of Tris because her health condition could suddenly deteriorate.
The way he talked on the phone made me feel that he was a friendly person. Meanwhile, it was not like what I imagined. When Tris introduced me to him, he stared at me with a sharp gaze and without expression. It really made me felt uncomfortable. He just asked me to sit next to him then asked Tris to served tea for us. He asked me a lot of things. I just tried to answer every question, even though I felt my tongue was very stiff because of my nervousness. He told me many things about Tris, her disease and also her big dream that I had already known. He really loved his daughter and wanted to make her dream came true. He planned to go to Paris next month after we graduated and if Tris got permission from the doctor who got at her disease. I was shocked, He also offered me to go with them. Anyway, I had to ask my father for approval. There was long enough we talked while enjoying tea. The sky was getting dark and I decided to go home.
One night when I had dinner with my father Mr.Eaton, I remembered about Tris and that plan. I intended to tell him about that, but I knew he would not allow me to go because of our economic condition. Then I started talking, I told him everything and it made him silent. I knew that he would say “No” but surprisingly he said “you are an adult and can determine your choice, as long as you are able to do it, just do it”, he always understood everything about his son and never hesitated with his son.
The time we've been waiting for finally arrived, we had graduated a week ago and accompanied by our parents. Besides that, there was good news that the doctor allowed Tris to have a holiday but no more than a week. As our plan before, we prepared ourselves to go to Paris. Unfortunately, Mr. Pior couldn’t go with us because of something important. That was the first time I sat on the plane. I took a deep breath to handle my anxiety. Tris held my wrist in her palms to make me felt comfortable. That was amazing, I could fly. After some hours we arrived in Paris and stayed at the hotel near the central town of Paris was very beautiful with towering Eiffel Tower. We walked together along with the city, took some pictures, enjoyed the sunset from The Banks of the Seine at the Ile St Louis. In the evening we had our dinner at a vintage restaurant and watched the night Paris which as bright as my heart. It gave us a romantic sense. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I hold her hand and caught her eyes deeply.
“ I am flying without wings my friend,” I said. She just stared at me and smiled as if she understood what I was talking about. “I am in love with you, I am sorry Tris. I know love is an inevitable eternal forgetfulness, and we are all destined and there will be a day when we will return to dust. I just don't want to lose the chance to express it, and I really love you no matter how you are” I continued.
“Four, I don’t know what to say, it feels like everything just comes out from my body, I feel like I immersed in the excitement and I love you too” she answered. I had no word to explain how happy I was at the time. Now she is mine. We felt that the world was ours. We spent our days in Paris visited many places and took a lot of pictures to make memories.
On the fifth day in Paris, I saw five miscall from Theo in the morning when I woke up. I thought it was something important so immediately, I called him back. He didn’t answer my call then I repeated it several times. Tris looked at me with concern. She also tried to call her father to make sure that everything was fine, but there was still no answer. We thought that something had happened. We decided to prepare our stuff to come back home. Suddenly, my phone rang and it was Theo. I grabbed it fast and swiped the button to answer. Without any greeting he just said “Come back as soon as possible, your father got a car accident, he is in the hospital now!” it shocked me so much, without thinking too much we immediately went home. I saw Tris’s face turned pale. I hugged him along the way and made sure she was fine. I hoped that nothing serious happened to my father.
When we arrived at the hospital, I couldn’t think about anything. Theo, Jade and Mr. Prior just waited for us in the waiting room. They told me that father suffered a severe fracture in his leg and had to be amputated to save his life. I became helpless. I could not hold my tears. Suddenly, Tris fainted. She shouldn’t be able to hear about it. I never imagined this situation would get worse. I saw the people I loved the most lying weak and unconscious. I blamed myself, “If only I hadn't left him alone this would not have happened,” I said regretfully.
My father's foot surgery went smoothly. I knew it would be hard for dad. But I had to cover my sadness because I didn’t want him to be hopeless. I took him home and asked him to rest. I sat in the living room and thought about how I could get money to pay for hospital bills for my father. My salary wouldn’t be enough. I tried to lend money from Theo but he didn’t have a lot of money. In fact, I was very desperate in this situation.
In the other side, I saw my girl was still unconscious. My heart was extremely broken to see my lovely girl laid weak with many tools installed on his body. I hold her hand and listened to an electrocardiogram to hear her heartbeat. Mr. Prior came to me with sadness on her eyes. He said that Tris's heart was very weak, there was little chance of surviving, but there was a way to save her life by doing a heart transplant. I was in a loss of words. “How can God be unfairly like this?” I muttered. My feelings right now were mixed and matched, indescribable beyond measure. “If only there is someone would give a heart to Tris, I would give whatever he or she asked, only 4 days left to save her life said the doctor to me” his voice broke my thought. “I hoped so” I replied. Then I came back home because my father was still sick and I had to treat him well.
Once in the night at my bedroom, I stared through the window, I remembered about Tris. Suddenly, there was something crossed my mind, “if I give my heart to her, she will stay alive and on the other hand I can ask her father to pay off this hospital bill for my father. Even though this is a tough choice, I do this all to make them happy. I am willing to sacrifice my life for them. And I might not be able to live if I had to lose one of them” I said to myself.
The next day in the morning would be 3 days left for Tris. I prepared myself went to the hospital after I prepared my father for breakfast. I thought about it carefully and I was sure of my decision. I hugged my father and left. I met Mr. Prior and I talked about my decision. He was really sad to hear that. But he had another choice. So, he agreed with me and willed to pay the hospital bills for my father. On the same day, I did a health test to ascertain the feasibility of my heart, and fortunately, the result was matched. I immediately signed an agreement letter without hesitation. The doctor told me to go home then enjoyed my last time with my family before I gave my heart to Tris and come back to the hospital on the next 2 days in the morning.
I spent my time with my father a whole day. He asked me about Tris, and I lied to him then said that Tris was Fine. I told him many stories and he did it too. Until the night, I slept with my father. I just want to be with him for my last time. I also asked Theo and Jade to treat him because I also lied to them that I would go to another town to buy drugs for Tris. Tomorrow morning I left my father and said that I would buy some drugs for Tris for several days. So that he is not suspicious, but actually I went to a place to comfort myself.
The next day I came to the hospital to do the surgery. I didn’t see Mr. Prior. Tris was also not in her room. I asked the nurse and she said that Tris had already done her surgery. It surprised me. “How could they do it? They need my heart” I said confusedly. After an hour the doctor came and Mr. Prior stood behind me and I asked them about that, but they just stayed silent, then Mr. Prior gave me a letter, he asked me to read
I’m writing this because we could never have this conversation in person. I just want to let you know how I feel about you and to tell you some of the things that often feel too awkward to say. I know our relationship hasn’t always been the best through these years. I’m sorry about that. I hope you know how much I love you and how much I want the best of everything for you.
That day I sat on my wheelchair in front of your door and listened to everything inside your heart, every pain that you always try to hide for me. It was breaking my heart, Because of your love for me, you are willing to sacrifice everything for me. Honey, you don’t need to do it. Your journey in this life has just begun, you have just met your love, and I know you don’t want to be separated with her and you choose this way.
This is a heart for your heart honey.
I'm old and sick. I‘ll be happy if I can make my son happy. I don't want to add to your burden. Even though I know you never think that I am your burden. I am happy to have you, my son. I love you till the end of my life.
