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Wilde Child

@wildechild / wildechild.tumblr.com

English teacher and a big 'ol nerd, mostly regarding English, Theater, and Marvel. "Life is too important to be taken seriously." ~ Oscar Wilde
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[ID: Screenshot of tumblr tags reading “please op i am desperate for the context.” End ID.]

Sure, here ya go:

  1. Lord George Gordon Byron was an English poet in the early 1800s.
  2. He wrote several narrative poems that influenced the gothic genre and was a HUGE fucking slut. HUGE. This bisexual mess slept with so many fucking people it was insane, no gender was safe. Unfortunately that “no one was safe” mentality did not work out well for him bc there were a LOT of rumors that he impregnated his half-sister.
  3. His only child from a legitimate marriage was from his wife, Lady Anne Isabella Noel Byron, who straight-up left him after a year. You know how divorce was uncommon in the 1800s? His wife was just so fed up with him that she did not care and left when her daughter was five weeks old.
  4. This daughter was named Ada and would become known as Ada Lovelace.
  5. Byron signed the separation papers and then left the country to have sex elsewhere and would later die when Ada was eight.
  6. During that time if a couple divorced, usually the Dad would get full custody, so just in case he tried anything Lady Byron made sure to play the devoted and overattentive mother.
  7. Lady Byron was absolutely paranoid that her daughter would become an insane gothic mess like her dad so she decided the only thing to do would be to make sure she did not become a Poet™. So she heavily encouraged Ada’s interests in science and mathematics.
  8. Around the 1830-40s, Ada met Charles Babbage through a mutual friend and he showed her his prototype for a mechanical calculator. She got absolutely obsessed with this machine and began helping him out with it to the point where her notes on it became more extensive than his.
  9. She also added notes to a translation of a paper on this engine that is considered to be the first published algorithm.
  10. These notes on the engine and translation became the basis for computer programming.
  11. She’s considered The First Computer Programmer™

So, because Lord Byron was a little slut and his wife wanted their daughter to Not Be, we now have to deal with tumblr discourse. Thank you and goodnight.

Vampire fiction and science fiction as we know it today also exist as a direct result of his friends being stuck in a cabin with him during a storm so there’s that as well. Hot vampires and sci-fi nerds are also his fault.

She was one of the people stuck in the cabin (well I think it was more of a 19th century Airbnb that the group of friends rented for a holiday that was then ruined by the weather) with him. Since they couldn’t do any outdoor activities they decided to write spooky stories and read them together instead. She wrote Frankenstein, kicking off the science fiction genre, and Dr John Polidori wrote… I’ve forgotten the title and it might just be “The Vampire” or “Vampyre” or something like that but anyway he did that. Dracula is much more influential now but that was the first big vampire novel. Byron didn’t create either genre but arguably motivated their creation by being an annoying horndog so they wanted to stay in their rooms writing instead of hang out with him.

It’s also worth mentioning that the summer they were stuck in that cabin is referred to as the Year Without Summer and was directly caused by the eruption of Mount Tambora in Indonesia the year before. It is also blamed for failed crops and mass famine on almost every continent, and the explosion could be heard something like 1600 miles away. The eruption of Tambora and the subsequent lack of summer worldwide is estimated to have killed anywhere from 100,000 to many millions of people. If all the deaths from diseases such as cholera and typhoid that found perfect conditions to spread rapidly during the famines are included, the total death toll could be estimated around 40 million people worldwide, which would put it on par with world war one.

TL;DR: Byron being a goth slut led directly to his daughter inventing computer programming, and being stuck in a cabin with him during crazy weather patterns caused by the largest volcanic eruption in modern history on the other side of the globe directly led to the invention of the genres of science fiction and gothic horror

Tumblr dragging Lord Byron is similar to its dragging of Ea Nasir, but more verbose and maundering and blunt and intense, which also describes Lord Byron.

can’t get over when famous gangster lucky luciano was like “hey lansky seems like quite a hassle getting all those nazis offa your terf you want us to help ya out” and meyer “Left Russia Because of Pogroms and Became A Gangster In The US” lansky was like “no. no getting to beat the shit out of nazis is reward enough for us. sorry lucky this one’s personal don’t worry about it”

here’s a quote from a New York Times article abt it

also bonus quote from that article

“quick question about the punching, judge perlman: how about murder instead”

everybody says that “the government” enlisted these mobsters to beat up nazis, but like. no. no that didn’t happen? judge nathan perlman illegally called up a man who could have him shot dead at a minute to say “hey. i’ve scoured the fucking law books tryna find a way to get these fucking nazis out of here, but my legal means have unfortunately run out. so-” and meyer fucking lansky was like “ah say no more boss lemme call a buncha friends and we’ll get this sorted out real quick don’t even bother paying me.“

can you imagine that phone call. like genuinely. how am i supposed to continue living my normal life knowing this happened. people who loooove talking about punching nazis, taKE FUCKING NOTES

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this is my favorite Meyer Lansky story.

my second favorite Meyer Lansky story is about the time, many years later, that he was at a meeting of mafia heads and one of them started bragging about how his son was following him into the family business.

Meyer Lansky said “That’s nice. My son works for NASA.”

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

However you think this story will end is wrong

Dear tumblr newbies of #196:

[Image description: the Destiel meme. Castiel says "I love you". Dean says "This is a test of the tumblr emergency broadcast system. In the event of major world news, this meme will display with a description of the event that took place. We now return you to your regularly scheduled ruleposting." End description.]

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There's dressing up, cosplay, and somewhere way, way, WAY beyond that is whatever sort of sorcerous shapeshifting this is...

Most of these are amazing, some are genuinely disturbing... but still amazing..

OMGOSH AMAZING

If you can't shape-shift naturally, learning sorcery is fine.

A good use of sorcery power :D

I…those…am…what? I feel like I've just visited a space station somewhere in the Epsilon Quadrant or something. Wowowowow.

The /gardening subreddit is actually full of hippie anti-plastic anti-lawn freaks (affectionate) and I find it enjoyable and I saw a nine-word horror story I thought tumblr would enjoy

The emotion in this photo

IF YOU NEED TO GET RID OF MINT, USE OTHER PLANTS IN THE MINT FAMILY!!!

Related plants like lavender, sage, and thyme are immune to mint’s phytotoxins and will crowd out the mint. Rosemary is my favorite mint-killer since it grows fast and wide (regular pruning helps it cover more area).

These plants are perennials, but they are likely to die after a season since mint can harbor root rot that will affect other Lamiaceae but not mint (or plants outside the family). Leave the plant waste to provide soil cover, the mint rhizomes may still be dormant (but will die out soon). The spring after your mint-killers die, you should get some colonizing vegetation. Once those plants fully take root, you’re good to plant whatever your heart desires in the soil!

IF YOU NEED TO GET

RID OF MINT, USE OTHER PLANTS

IN THE MINT FAMILY!!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I once read a bit of ancient Roman folklore that thyme (I think, it might have been rosemary) is so tough and contrarian that if you want it to flourish, instead of talking sweet to it, you hurl curses at it.

you know, at some point, clark has probably used his alien biology to fuck with people's heads. like you know he's probably made up random bullshit about himself just to see if people believe him. bruce knows when he's bullshitting, but he still plays along because he thinks it's hilarious.

clark will say something like, "oh yeah, i'll sometimes just eat scraps of raw metal, that's how i get my extra vitamins in!" and no one believes him until bruce goes, "he's right you know. here," and tosses clark a spoon, to which clark just starts happily crunching away at it.

both of them know that clark doesn't need to do that. they just find the stunned looks on the jl's faces hysterical.

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I went to a hippie art school in California. You would lose your mind studying the people there. Vegans? Weak. I knew honest to god freegans. Both kinds.

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My Aunt Lynn once gave herself and her family intestinal parasites by dumpster diving for meat a supermarket threw out.

Nothing against freegans actually, I'm all for reducing food waste, but for the love of fuck don't do it with expired beef and pork that've been in a dumpster in 85F heat for hours

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I remember just staring blankly at the screen when you told us this. Just. Genuine abject blue screen of death

Then a lot of swearing

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My family did ivermectin before it was cool! And for the actual intended purpose!

I also knew freegans in California at the hippie art school that was part of my university. I also knew a girl who thought solid food was bad for the environment, and she subsisted entirely on smoothies for most of a year.

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Fascinating.

Hang on gotta go see if I can run this one down. See if it was just some wild conclusion she came to personally, or if there's actually a group who claim that.

I knew a freegan in Durango that almost got mauled to death because he was dumpster diving in the Sonic Dumpster that everyone and their dog knew belonged to the local Alpha Black Bear Boar.

Kyle only broke his leg and escaped into the sonic with his friend who had been hotboxing the sonic kitchen with weed he was definitely not old enough to be smoking, which caused him to slip on kitchen grease and stab himself on some kind of kicthen impliment. I got called by them at 12:03 AM, terminally high and panicking because of the weed and the bear circling the sonic, because the Kush-Kabob guy was in my husband's D&D group and Husbeast and I were the only adult-adults he knew.

...Which is how I ended up having to chase a 400lb black bear away from the back door of a sonic so I could drive two of the stupidest people I ever met to the hospital. Whatever vibe I have that makes horses wanna murder me apparently makes bears shit themselves and run tho.

I love this so much

[Image IDs: the first tweet is from Lila Byock (@/Lbyock) from June 15th, 2023 and it reads:

Sarandos: Netflix is investing billions in Korean content to undermine American writers.

Korean writers: Fuck you, pay us.

That first tweet quote tweets the second image, a tweet from Tim Shorrock (@/TimothyS) from June 15th, 2023 that reads:

Korean writers picket in solidarity with Writers Guild of America. ✊

That tweet has a link to an article that I posted after it. /End ID.]

So, for those of you unaware: The Korean entertainment industry is an absolute nightmare. Actors have gone years never being paid for work they're owed pay on. The idol industry is terrible in all the ways. And it's honestly no surprise the industry is shit for writers as well. Glad to see the Korean writers are standing up for themselves too!