Could've done with some fucking guidance, always I've had to be independent making my own way and decisions but I keep making the wrong decision and I can't fucking deal with it anymore, my life is falling to shit and I'm constantly getting shit wrong!

4/10/17

I want to throw up, don't want this food inside me, why didn't I go to the gym today

4/10/17

I don't want you to be with me, I bring you down, ruin your life, make you not enjoy uni, make you worry, make you upset cuz I can't be happy, you don't need me, youd be better off without me

I just want him back from uni, it's so selfish but I'm trying not to let him know

I love him so much, him going to uni has made me so emotional, not dealing at all. The worst part is it's making me realise how different we are and how different we want to live our lives but I don't think I can be with out him

I feel like I'm not meant to be with the one I love

26/09/18

I've ruined my whole life, I've dropped out, I'm now studying something I never want to do, I'm never going to get to uni, I'm so worried about it anyway, Calum's at his uni and I can't cope without him, i don't want to put it on him tho or make him worry cuz he's doing something with his life and I'm not worth it and I'm just dragging him down

Why am I so into social issues and equality and stuff, like no one my age seems to be, or I just can't find them, why do I have to be like this, just want to not think to deeply about everything, would make it easier to joke about and get on with people

New Moto: smile! Be strong ffs!

I've decided no more shit, I've had it! Feels so good to feel back to normal and good! I love my boyfriend and he has been the inspiration for me to turn my life around, I want to be good for myself but also a better version of myself so I know I deserve him and so our relationship can be good and healthy! I know I will still get low and cry sometimes but I am not prolonging it, I'm going to dust myself off and get on with it. I'm going to join the gym with my friend and get fit cuz a healthy body is a healthy mind, I'm going to clear my room from mess and crap so my mind will clear the same! I'm going to be more focused and use my time better! I'm going to read more and study more rather than lying around! I'm taking a step in the right direction and today is the day I'm not gunna fucking being sad anymore!

My mind fucks give me mind fucks! Like my head goes and then suddenly I'm back to normal! Like wtf! I don't know when it's gunna come then it does and it fucking hits home, 10 minutes later I'm back to normal! Wtf

Saw my ex on holiday, was great to see him and catch up. Brought back so much shit tho, like I think I'll always love him but I fucking hate him cuz how he ruined me. Like we're cool but after the chat went back and cried to my mate. It's been basically 2 years and he still has a hold over me. I'm so happy in my current relationship but that old one has brought a lot of shit to new ones. I feel like I'll never fully get over my ex, there will always be a spark but I could never get back with him not that he would want to because it was so toxic. I want to be friends with him cuz he does, but there is too much history between us, he will always be my first love even if it was too young. I just think I get mixed up between thinking I still have emotions, where as I think it's just old history and that emotion that will probably always be there. But it's so confusing and even though I adore my current boyfriend I feel guilt that I still have these emotions.

Feel so alone and like no one wants to be around me. What's wrong with me, why don't people wanna be my friend..

Just want to go to festivals and traveling but have no one to do it with and the only people I can see myself doing it with already have people to do it with and I don't want to intrude or act desperate

Just feel like I have no one

Matty Healy is just perfect

4.32

Had enough, so fed up, sat here in the dark crying my Eyes out cuz nobody fucking likes me