peter retaliating against “baby monitor protocol” by changing the names of Tony’s Iron Man protocols

“hey FRIDAY, zoom in on that building over there”

“Old Man Bifocals protocol activated, Boss”

“what the fuck did you just say to me”

“FRIDAY alert the team that my thrusters are down and i can’t fly”

“sure thing, activating I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Protocol”

“PETER WE TALKED ABOUT THIS”

Tony: FRIDAY, open these encrypted files we don’t have a lot of time-

FRIDAY: activating the Fr E Sh A Voca Do protocol

Tony, sobbing: PETER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES THIS MEAN 

AMAZING

-Peter gets hurt in a battle- FRIDAY: Bone Hurting Juice Protocol has been activated - Mr. Parker is in distress. Tony: -stops- He’s what?  The what? Peter: -over the com- Oof, ouch… my bones…

Tony: FRIDAY! Engage autopilot!

FRIDAY: Activating Jesus Take The Wheel protocol.

Tony: Really, Pete?

Jdjsjsjsks

Tony: Where in the world is that kid??..FRIDAY!! Activate Peter’s GPS

FRIDAY: Activating

“ Helicopter parent protocol”

Tony: *sighs*….why do I even bother

Tony: FRIDAY divert all energy to thrusters

FRIDAY: nyOOOOOooOOoM protocol activated

i literally can’t breathe from this

Go d

Tony, in front of team: FRIDAY activate the electric taze blast

Friday: Activating ‘Wanna Be Thor’ protocol

Thor: *triumphantly laughs*

Tony,mumbling: Now the boys’ gone too far.

Tony: Friday, time to bring out The Blades

FRIDAY: “oh my god why does he have a knife” protocol activated

Tony:

Villain:

Tony:

Villain: did you name it like that on purpose or,,,

Tony, crying: shut up loser

This gets better everytime it shows up on my dash

I’m always going to reblog this! If I don’t, then it means I’m dead

tony: friday, reset all protocol names

friday: i’m sorry sir, the “i’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me” action is restricted

tony: peter what the fuck-

Tony: FRIDAY activate missle launchers!

FRIDAY; activating “this bitch empty, YEET” protocol

Tony: PETER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

Tony: eject arc reactor

FRIDAY: activating Boob Window protoc-

Tony: no

sending “I hope you get that job” vibes to the people out here tryna get jobs

@silverwing2522 // @trashblog33

“ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ ”

i thought this was me at first and i was really confused

omg hi

WE’RE MULTIPLYING

uhhhhhhh

I FINALLY FOUND IT

To people who use "þ" as an aesthetic "p"

þink again.

getting thorny in the linguistics fandom

þorny*

That also goes for using ß as an aesthetic B. 

On my old server, there was a character named ßillyßadass.

This never failed to make me laugh, because that letter is not pronounced like B. It is a sharp S. 

That guy named himself SsillySsadass. 

Also to people who you Σ as an aesthetic E

that’s an S too, Σo maybe check next time

oh boy

Д as an aesthetic A? Дon’t be a дumbass.

И as an aesthetic N? don’t be sillи.

П as another aesthetic N? stoп it.

У as an aesthetic Y? ty bad.

Ш or Щ as an aesthetic W? nope. it’s “sh” and “shch”!

Я as an aesthetic R? surprise! it’s “ya”.

ah yes, that classic horror film SNYEYAPOVUL DIAYAIES

This is pronounced Stargoat.

Reblogging for Stargoat.

STARGOAT

@ivan-fyodorovich

@meco-official

a good thing about having friends with kids is that you can just sow the seeds for something that you’ll never need to address again. like tonight my friend’s three year old saw me eating blue corn chips.

kid: what are you eating from that basket?

me: triangles.

kid: can i have triangles?

me: dunno, did you brush teeth yet?

kid: no

me: mhm, and are you okay with screaming really loud?

kidd: what???

me: yeah, sometimes these make you scream really loud, are you ok with that?

kid: i am not afraid of screaming.

me: you’re very brave. you can have two triangles. then why don’t you go show your dad your new power, i gotta go.

op u live up to ur username

i went to bed last night knowing that one youtube gamerman fucked a youtube gamerwoman behind his cosplayer wife’s back. i wake up this morning to learn that two people got the bubonic plague in 2019 from eating a dead rat raw. it’s a good thing i lost my ability to feel surprised 3 years ago

was somebody gonna tell me about the bubonic plague thing or was i just supposed to find out from a post about pedocheaterjared

tony and rhodey at MIT

memeception

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

@caesarianconfection

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun

This works better than I thought it would.

This was in my senior project

I’m not sorry.

EIGHT MEME COMBO

FATALITY

We have officially created a new language 

I just had to do it to em

THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY

I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING

M E M E T E N

OwO?

You know I had to

I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it

THIRTEEN!?

SOMEONE EDIT THIS FROM THE ORIGINAL PHOTO SAYING “this one does not spark joy” TO THIS VERSION SAYING “this one sparks joy”

well i added my contribution : )

why—

IM SCREAMING

This is the most elaborate meme I have ever seen and damn am I concerned by how it makes sense.

“You’re in your 30s, but you still understand all this meme stuff?” “Oh yeah, sure.” “Can you explain it to me?” “I absolutely fucking cannot.”

Holy shit. To quote Edgar Allen Poe:

is but a meme within a meme.

There are a lot of different birth control methods out there. Learn more about all your options and find the method that’s best for you. 

ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC SPECTRUM ROCK PRIDE FLAGS PART 2

Left to right, top to bottom:

Quoisexual/romantic: Being unsure if you experience attraction or not, or having difficulty distinguishing sexual/romantic attraction from other types of attraction.

Cupiosexual/romantic: Desires a sexual or romantic relationship, but feels no sexual or romantic attraction towards anyone.

Fraysexual/romantic: Feels attraction to strangers/thoses those they don’t know well, but fades once they know them better. (Opposite of demisexual.)

Recipsexual/romantic: Will only feel sexual or romantic attraction to someone once they find out their feelings are reciprocated/returned.

Lith/akiosexual/romantic: Can have a sexual and or romantic attraction to someone but does not want those feelings returned.

Abrosexual/romantic: A fluid and/or rapidly changing sexuality/romanticism that fluctuates between different sexualities/ romantic attractions.

Placiosexual/romantic: Feels little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts performed on/to them but expresses interest/desire in performing them on/to someone else.

*Do not discourse with this post. It is an art post.*

Another word lost to the discourse

TL;DR: The word greyromantic exists, and we should use it more.

There’s been a post going around talking about some aro terms that were lost over the course of the past few years during the latest iteration of online hate directed at ace and aro folks. Some of them *cough*zucchini*cough* I think may have disappeared because aros themselves didn’t like them and they naturally fell out of use, but otherwise I do think there is some truth to the idea that they disappeared because we were more focused on combating hate than building community.

I was very active in the aro community online in the year before the discourse started. Somewhere along the way I became less active. I got involved in my local ace community, graduated college, and started working during that time I was inactive. I also had and have a healthy relationship with the block button on tumblr, so I don’t think it was really the discourse that caused my inactivity, but perhaps the lack of other content to interact with was a part of it as well.

Anyway. The word greyromantic (with its many many alternate spellings — this is just my favorite) was used a lot back then. When we wanted to abbreviate it became “greyro” or the appropriate alternate spelling. As the aro community has come back to life, however, I hardly ever see it being used. In fact, I have been seeing people use the word “arospec” instead to mean the exact same thing, which I think is really tragic. Those two words aren’t synonyms. Hear me out:

Back in the day (four years ago), greyromantic was used as an umbrella word for anyone who didn’t fit the strict definition of aromantic but still felt close to it — so most microlabels would fit under it. Greyromantic was also a specific identity, either for people who just experienced attraction rarely, or for people who wanted to embrace the ambiguity of their identity rather than find a specific label.

In this post, I am talking less about the specific identity, and more about the umbrella usage. Recently, I have noticed that people are using the word arospec to refer to the greyromantic umbrella. As in, using arospec in a way that implied aromantic people aren’t arospec. I don’t know how long it’s been happening but I noticed it for the first time this week and now I have been seeing it everywhere.

The phrase “aromantic spectrum” has always been a unifying term. It’s for everybody, aromantic and greyromantic alike. Yes, it is specifically inclusive of greyros, but it is also inclusive of aromantic folks who experience absolutely no romantic attraction. If you have any doubts, that’s why Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week was named that, because it covers all of us.

Arospec is the word that unites our community. If we keep using to fill greyro’s void, then it will start to divide us, and I don’t want that to happen.

So let’s bring greyromantic back!

Edit: I want to add that using arospec as a self-identifier is not what I am talking about here. That can totally be used in a very similar way to the way greyromantic can be used in a vague way as a self-identifier. Like, “I know I am on the aromantic spectrum, but don’t feel like specifying where. I could be aromantic, I could be demiromantic, but I don’t feel like exploring that or disclosing that to others.” They are very similar and nearly interchangeable as a self identifier, though I think arospec can take it a step further towards “I could never experience romantic attraction, I’m just not positive that I don’t.”

*pauses mid bj to put hair in bun* ok leggo

Ok so real talk I dated this guy for a while and whenever I went down on him I would tie my hair up. He told me later that I had accidentally conditioned him so that anytime I put my hair up around him he would immediately get a boner.

This is amazing

This is true power

fucking hell lmao

i will never be over vernon dursley telling people at his wedding that james potter was some kind of amateur magician, implying that he wasn’t even that good

100% believe that if petunia hadn’t cut lily out of her life, james would have just rolled with it and learned muggle magic tricks and performed them at various family functions, like

try to wear the full magician costume to dudleys christening 

“you can’t wear that james”  “it’s the only way i’m going, lil”  “fine but give me your wand”  “my real one, or the fake one that shoots out flowers?”  “both, and you’d better tidy the handkerchiefs are trailing out of your trouser leg before we leave”

“I’m not a magician, marge, i’m an illusionist.”

petunia walks in on james pretending to saw toddler dudley in half for toddle harry’s amusement

actually incorporating magic into the tricks and freaking the hell out of vernon’s extended family

standing up at christmas and saying that he’d like to perform a magic trick. and vernon and petunia are HORRIFIED and lily just pours more wine but marge says ‘let him do it’ so she can mock him?? and he tries/fails to ‘vanish’ the napkins 3-4 times and it doesn’t work, until the fourth time when it DOES and it freaks the hell out of vernon’s extended family

and that is probably when petunia cuts lily out of her life for Real

guys this is a very important post and i’ve been thinking about it all morning 

Too depressed to be awake? Not depressed enough for a Depression Nap™? Welcome to Existential Crisis Wrapped in Blanket!

Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by this post

this morning NASA abandoned their mars rover Opportunity (aka Oppy) because it (she) got hit by a storm on Mars and it knocked her camera and wheels out and her last words to the team were “my battery is low and it is getting cold”. I know she’s a machine but I’m devastated. Oppy is the one who discovered water on Mars. RIP oppy ily space baby

they didn’t abandon her!! they tried eight months to reach her!!!! as their last farewell to her yesterday they played her “I’ll be seeing you” by Billie Holiday:

“I’ll find you in the morning sun

And when the night is new

I’ll be looking at the moon

But I’ll be seeing you”

They love her so much and they tried so hard!!!

Oh man, It doesn’t end there.

This isn’t the first song NASA sent Opportunity. They had a playlist:

https://www.space.com/41434-mars-rover-opportunity-wakeup-music-playlist.html?fbclid=IwAR3uL6q4tOmLQTIEhiwYegGc99nv4N01HQKItpCLQiQYIptBOevNN6uIyT8

It’s on Spotify, it’s called “Opportunity, wake up!“

This is what’s great about NASA and it’s what’s great about people. These are world-class engineers. When they sent a rover to another planet they could have easily looked at it as just another scientific tool. But people don’t do that. We can and will get emotionally attached to the most inanimate of objects. We can and will anthropomorphize anything. And frankly Opportunity’s camera mast looks like a little face with eyes and everything, so why not?

So they started calling it her.

They nicknamed her Oppy.

They told her to take a selfie not long ago.

After 15 years of Oppy flipping the double bird to her original 90 day life expectancy, when a planet-spanning dust storm finally knocked her out and she stopped responding to the engineer’s wake-up messages, they started playing music for her.

And after 8 months and almost 1000 unanswered wake-up messages, when it was finally clear that Oppy was never going to wake up, the last thing these world-class NASA engineers did for their little rover on another planet

Was play her a love song

I did a moodboard for this goddamned fic that ruined my life called Silver Glitter by @brandileeder. How dare you make such a positive fic about men wearing makeup and finding their identity. This is unacceptable. I demand more.