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Dealing with Anxiety About One's Sexual Interests - Dr Michael Aaron
Despite a very striking shift in our culture over the last several years towards more acceptance of diversity, I hear from many individuals every month that continue to struggle with discomfort around their sexual interests. Often this anxiety stems from fantasies that these folks may find jarring, disturbing, or simply they are trying to make sense of. For previous articles on sexual fantasies, you can click here and here. As readers of this site well know, I always approach these situations from a nonjudgmental, collaborative, and humanistic perspective. While some fantasies or desires can be accounted for by some psychological need, many desires appear to be hard-wired and while we just don’t have enough strong scientific data to definitively assess whether kinks and fetishes are genetic, as I detailed in my book Modern Sexuality, new research appears to support that, in some people they may have an innate basis. At any rate, etiology, while interesting, often provides little of value in the way of eliminating or suppressing that desire. This is because, regardless of etiology, much of our sexual desires have become hard-wired, either through a genetic component, or through endless repetition, or a mixture of both. Even if the content of the fantasies or desires seems to shift over time, the overarching theme stays omnipresent while the specifics may change. For example, someone who craves an experience of humiliation may imagine being verbally thrashed, but then those fantasies can shift towards elements containing bondage or physical impact. While the content seems to shift, the underlying motivation fueling the fantasy remains the same. (Note: there …