Anxiety Makes You Look Like An Asshole
I almost never reach out to people. Nothing scares me more than starting a conversation with a stranger or having to talk on the phone. My fear of becoming an annoyance keeps me from texting back or showing that I care. But I care more than anyone realizes. I care so much it hurts. I come across as a snob, because I find it hard to talk, hard to force a smile. But I’m not trying to be a bitch. I’m only trying to survive — because, to me, social interaction is a war zone. It makes my cheeks redden, my lungs flutter. That’s why I don’t look people in the eye as they’re talking to me. I look at their lipstick, at the wall behind them, I might even glance down at my phone. It makes me seem like I don’t give a damn about what they have to say, but avoiding their gaze is just a crutch. I’m paying closer attention than they can imagine. Absorbing every word. I’m not a good conversationalist — and it makes me seem like a shitty friend. I don’t jump into conversations. I’m quiet in groups.