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Snowed In: Chapter Nineteen - navessa allen
ELLA Ben is getting tested today. Ben is getting tested today. Ben is getting tested today. I can’t think about anything else. I can’t do anything else. I’m sitting here in front of my computer, Photoshop open with the latest draft of the month of January for my wildlife calendar series filling the screen. I haven’t touched the mouse in half an hour. My eyes feel cakey and gross from crying. Sam, my little empath, is standing next to me, his head on my leg. I have my fingers curled into the fur on his neck, and I feel like my grip on him is the only thing holding me together. If I let go, I’ll curl up in a ball and start sobbing. I’m so stressed/anxious/terrified that if I let myself do that, I might never stop. FUCK. This is terrible. The worst I’ve felt since Renee started to go downhill. And it’s bringing up all of the associated emotions. I feel crippled by them. To the point that I can recognize I might actually need some profession help to pull myself out of this. “Come on, bud,” I tell Sam, standing from my chair to pace out …