Ahmadinejad Discovers, Embraces Jewish Ancestry
In a press conference from Jerusalem on Monday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced the stunning findings of a team of Iran's best genealogists: Ahmadinejad is a sixteenth Jewish. A stunned silence fell upon the roughly 200 members of the press, most of whom expected the revelation to be followed by an explosive tirade against Israel. Instead, Ahmadinejad calmly explained that he now realizes that his previous annihilate Israel platform may have been unnecessarily harsh, and that he intends to fully embrace his newly-discovered Jewish heritage. In the past, when I said that 'anybody who recognizes Israel will burn in the fire of the Islamic nation's fury,' I was speaking from an outsider's misunderstanding of what it means to be Jewish, said Ahmadinejad as he donned a traditional kippah. It turns out that the Zionist regime really isn't that bad after all.