US Government to Distribute Stimulus Morphine Injections
A complete lack of positive results from the economic stimulus checks being sent out to American families since early last month has led the federal government to try a more aggressive stimulus: Morphine. It appears that most of the stimulus checks are being used to catch up on bills or pay off debt, said Treasury spokesman Andrew DeSouza. We tried to make it clear that these checks were supposed to be spent on frivolous consumer goods, but it seems that the American people are too selfish to come together and properly stimulate the economy.