China Declares War on Tectonic Plates
In response to Monday's devastating earthquake, the People's Republic of China has declared war on Earth's tectonic plates. Killing over 10,000 of our citizens and destroying our highways, schools, hospitals, and countless homes is clearly an act of war, said Premier Wen Jiabao. For too long we have allowed the brutal aggressions of the tectonic plates to go unanswered—no more.