Friendless, Video-Game Addicted Loser Sues Microsoft
In the latest shot across the bow of the beleaguered local software giant, friendless loser Ted Elias is suing Microsoft for $25 million. A statement released by Elias' lawyer on Friday accuses Microsoft of totally destroying his mental, social, and physical health by providing my client with unlimited access to the addictive Xbox 360 video game console as well as an unending stream of engrossing hit games. Before he was introduced to the virtual mind-control of the Xbox 360, my client was a successful, well-developed 27-year-old, said attorney Martin Finklestein, representing Elias in the case. However, after just two years under the influence of Redmond's electro-brainwashing, he has lost his job, his friends, and even his basic sense of hygiene.