Would you let me know you? ⋆ MAMA-BEAR PArenting
If we would meet right now, would you let me know you? When I was as a teenager, I was very interested in the stories behind the wedding portraits I would see in my friends’ house. Their moms would catch me contemplating them and would ask “would you like me to tell you my story?”. I would grin like a kid at Christmas. My friends would usually roll their eyes and would get their room ready and yell from upstairs “just a quick story, mom ’cause we need to study!” You see, I love listening to people’s life stories. The Searching Just in case you are wondering what do I mean with the title. What am I searching? The answer is YOU. You are the reader, and I am curious about you, about what prompted you to check out my pins on Pinterest, read my posts, and even went to check my bio. I mean, I’m interested in you as a PARENT, your current chapter of life. What does worry you? Tell me, what do you wish for yourself? Tell me, what do you want for your children? Connecting with you is a blessing that if you are willing to share with me. It’ll in return help both of us: I’ll be able to better my services to help you get the best outcome for you. We live in an era and society that we crave for connection, but because of Fear (of rejection or misjudgment), we stop ourselves from reaching out to other people. I am curious about your lifestyle and daily struggles in the personal and family department. Don’t worry, I’m not going to chase nor cold call you. I’m letting you know I’m genuinely here to help you. From a mom to another mom I am a mother too, my son is beautiful two years old yet a handful one with endless energy. Sometimes I think he sleeps because of habit, not because he’s exhausted. Motherhood is a chapter of life that could mean a struggle for many women. It’s not an easy one, but it can be very fulfilling and extraordinary. From a very young age I knew I wanted to be a mom. I’ve dreamt of it with so much joy and excitement. I was so naive. Don’t get me wrong; I love being a mom! However, it was not as straightforward or smooth as I thought it would be. Are we prepared for death? I had my worries and challenges (and I still do now and then), and one experience in particular almost broke me in two. Nothing prepares you for the loss of your first child. It took me months to come back to reality, so I went on two trips with my husband to get away from everything. I barely talked to family and friends for months. Once I started to heal and came into my senses, I restarted life again with a scar within. It felt like a void whenever I thought of my angel baby. On top of that, I started to feel so lonely. I didn’t have my friends nearby: most of my friends and family are abroad. But what I struggled most was with expectations and identity. Let me elaborate this in the next paragraph. If by any chance you are struggling with this also, it might help you understand. It’ll help you find the why behind it and how to get over it. What EXPECTATIONS? First of all, I want you to be aware that the BACKGROUND you grew up in determines a lot of your PERCEPTION about family. In those first years of our lives, we shape the perception of family. It’s also when you might acquire some of these dreadful expectations (that are not our own!). An example of my own experience is that ‘Married women have to be most of the times with their husband’. If they don’t, prompts people to ask and assume the relationship is in trouble. When I moved to Ireland and started working with families, it was a shock to my system to seeing the Irish doing the opposite. The mom of the first family I worked with told me these beautiful words: “Even though we get married or even when we have children, we never lose our individuality”. It’s a powerful statement that I adjusted my perception to it and now live by it. Are you wondering how to do that without ending in drama and looking selfish? The words you are looking for are RESPECT and COMMUNICATION. When I became a mom, I had to tackle the expectations in me to keep my sanity. Because it was questioning me WHO I WAS big time. What’s my IDENTITY? When I say that “expectations were giving me a hard time in finding out who I was” I meant in the sense that I wanted to do certain things. For some reason, I struggled. I double questioned every parenting decision I was going to make, I always had that voice nagging in the back of my mind. “Are you sure you want to do that?” “If you do that it’ll look so bad and people will gossip or criticise you!” That voice was usually my mom’s or my grandmother’s. I don’t blame them as they are a product of their environment and time, which clashes to mine. Their perception wasn’t helpful for my situation; it was for theirs but not for mine. DECIDING FOR MYSELF Another example of mine is when I wanted to travel with my baby son; my mom insisted I shouldn’t. That exposing baby to all that experience when he’s only a few months old could be bad for him. She also mentioned I should wait at least A YEAR when getting him on a plane. In the end, I did what I thought was best, I made sure he had all his baby vaccines at three months, and we flew from London to Barcelona. It’s a two hour and a half flight, and he (baby son) was terrific and even was a charmer with ladies looking at him and smiling! My mother wasn’t pleased about it, but I realised back then that I’m a mom now. I GET TO DECIDE what is best for my family, not her. The reason for my trip was that my grandpa’s health was declining and I wanted to make sure he would be able to meet his great-grandson as my grandma didn’t have that chance. The overall experience was positive, and we had a fantastic time. All my family was delighted to meet the new addition to the family. It’s crucial to know yourself and where you stand in your life, especially when you want to pursue your dreams or goals. For better or for worse I used to grow up thinking that as a woman, marriage and having children were essential in life. I used to believe exchanging loyalty, and love vows with your beloved other half were one of the most special moments in life. How come is much easier to do that with a person you know for a few months or years. But you cannot be as loyal or loving with yourself who you have known for all your life? We take for granted ourselves so much and funnily enough; it was only when some disaster happened that I fully understood that. I wanted to provide the best for my children, so when I became a mom, BEING and CARING myself is paramount. For better or for worse, we live with our self until death does us part, growing up. We forget the critical vows we made with ourselves. It took me a while to remember and apply them, but it’s so worth it! So, my dear friend, it’s never late to get back to your promises and restore your integrity. It is not a selfish thing, we were given life and love for a reason, and it all starts within. That’s why I would love to know more about you! If you want the same as me but not sure what to do or you are struggling to find your voice, know that I can help. Let me know more about by CLICKING HERE to take part on my questionnaire. I can’t wait to meet you! 🙂 With love and Joy, Diosa Ll.B.
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