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What moms need from their spouse after baby is born -
The first few weeks of parenting for me were a blur. I’ve heard that from many women. The transition into parenthood was a wild one, and although I’m sure its different for everyone, the one thing that remains a constant for us all is that we need all the support we can get. Especially from our spouse. But sometimes for them, it can be a little difficult knowing just how to help or what exactly you need in those moments. Communication is key, but with the chaos of learning the ropes of parenting, communication isn’t always a smooth road. So I’ve teamed up with a few of my mama friends and discussed what they needed the most from their spouse after baby was born! If you’re a new mom or dad, I hope this will encourage you to talk with your spouse about what you personally need from them to help yourself. (Dads, your post is coming later, too. I know moms aren’t the only ones with needs!) But today, we’re talking about the mamas. And what they need most from their spouse in those early weeks of motherhood. So lets discuss those needs! I need… Encouraging words Sometimes all we need is a little acknowledgment! Navigating those first few weeks as a new mom can be so difficult. The hormones are insane and you’re still trying to learn the ropes of parenthood. Mom may feel like she’s going crazy, so let her know that she’s doing a great job! Give her validation because it’s easy for us moms to get in our head and feel like we’re failing “I feel like as a new mom the more you’re uplifted and told you’re doing the dang thing, the better you feel in all aspects.” Mallory On top of letting her know emotionally she’s doing a good job, don’t forget to remind her that she’s beautiful! Her confidence may have taken a fall, lately and she needs you to help boost it back up. So compliment her. Remind her that she’s beautiful. Remind her how amazing her body is. Tell her the mom bun is a good look for her (lol.) But seriously, show her some love. “I needed to hear that I was beautiful. When you have a baby your body changes tremendously. I couldn’t stand the way I looked so I needed to hear that my husband could.” Brandi Support in general is such a big part of what moms need. Let her know you’re there to listen and to help. Let her know she’s doing great. Support and encourage her in whatever ways she needs. “I had no support from the father of my child. And that lack of support was my biggest let down. I was dealing with it all on my own, and so even the littlest things could have meant so much. I needed physical help, reassurance, and to hear “hey you’re killing this and doing such an amazing job!” Because that little assurance could have made me feel so much stronger and could’ve helped me thrive as a new mother.” Savannah Help with late night feedings. Late night feedings are exhausting! And out of all the “needs” I heard from the moms I spoke to, this was by far the biggest. Sleep deprivation can make you feel like an actual zombie during the first few weeks. Take some of that load off of your partner by giving her a bit of help! Bottle Feeding Parents: Help mom out by taking over one of the late-night feedings and giving her a bit more time to rest! I promise you, mom will appreciate this gesture. And you might consider it a great opportunity to bond with baby! On top of moms just needing rest in general, don’t forget that sleep deprivation can cause so many issues. In so many ways. Theres a chance it may cause a strain in your relationship for mom feeling like she’s the only one putting forth the effort of getting up. You’re a team! So use some teamwork. Breastfeeding Parents: If mom is breastfeeding and dad can’t physically take on one of the feedings, maybe stay up with her to keep her company for feedings every now and then! Or help out by going to get her a glass of water or something (hello breastfeeding dry mouth!) Think about it: Not only can late-night feedings be exhausting, but they can also be incredibly lonely! Especially when breastfeeding mamas have to be the only ones getting up. So let her know that she’s not alone. You’re in this together! Patience Like I said, the transition into the role of a mom is not an easy one. You are not the same person you were before and it takes some time to find the “flow” of things. You’re not going to jump back into the same person, the same wife/partner, that you were before. And so having a supportive and understanding partner is so important in these moments. We need you to understand that things are going to be different, and sometimes difficult, for the first little bit. We need you to be okay with that. “I needed my husband to understand that the demand of life changes were overwhelming at times and if I needed to break down for a moment I needed him to be ok with that and wait it out with me.” Elicia For dad to be in sync & physically help out Be in sync with babies needs in order to help fulfill moms needs. As mothers, our minds are constantly in turbo mode, and if you can give us one less thing to worry or stress about, you’re helping out! So know when the doctors appointments are and help have baby ready, or know when its feeding time and get the bottles ready. Don’t wait to be told these things. Know these things. Just be in sync so that the weight of the world isn’t strictly on mom. To her it feels like it’s all on her shoulders. Make it known that you will help carry some of that weight. “What I needed the most was just someone to be one step ahead of me so I didn’t feel like I had so much on my plate. For someone to be as on top of it as me and share the load of what’s in my head.” Megan Help with Postpartum Depression NON- JUDGMENTALLY Postpartum depression is horrible. Although it varies by states, studies show that it can be as high as 1 in 5 moms suffering from it. Dads, look for the signs. We need you to help. Do your research ahead of time. And if it hits, go about it the right way. Realize that PPD is a mental issue. Support your partner and let her know that it is not her fault she is feeling this way. Remind her that she is still a great mom through all of it. Encourage her to discuss how she is feeling with you. Be there for her. And when she is explaining her emotions and needs to you, listen with no judgement. And then help her accordingly. (I’ll be making an in-depth post about PPD and what you can do to help. Be on the lookout In the weeks to come) “I believe you need a safe space/judgement free zone and shoulder to cry on from your spouse. I have dealt with postpartum depression and knowing that I have a safe space to cry and speak my mind has made the world of difference! Knowing that he would never judge me is very important!” Abby “I needed mental help from my spouse. PPD is so awful and terrifying and there were a million thoughts going through my head every second of the day. Thoughts telling me I wasn’t a good enough mom, wife, daughter, etc.. I needed mental help and to know that if I could discuss those thoughts with my husband, I wouldn’t be judged for it.” Brandi Physical/Psychological Support A hot meal and a warm shower, perhaps?! Just flat out help her to feel normal, again! Her entire life just changed, not to mentioned she just went to war giving birth to baby! So take care of baby for a bit while she hops in the shower! Maybe clean the house or cook her a hot meal so it’s one less thing she has to worry about on top of being able to relax for a minute! “There are so many other things I needed, too, but I would’ve killed for a hot meal.. even now lol” Emily Time for our relationship When a new baby comes into the picture, your relationship may take a back seat. But you have to remember to make time to focus on each other, as well as baby. It’s so easy to lose that in early parenthood, and your relationship will suffer for it if you aren’t careful! So make time to keep the romance alive. Show your spouse some love and appreciation. Yes, your child is the most important thing in your life, but you are more then just parents. Don’t forget who you were beforehand. Don’t forget your partner. “I feel like it’s so important for your spouse to keep the romance and love alive. My husband does such a great job reminding me that yes, I’m my sons mommy, but I’m also still my husbands wife. We still love each other physically and emotionally, which is very important for each of us to do for each other. It’s so easy to lose that if you’re not careful. “ Abby This list could’ve went on. There are many more “needs” new moms feel in those early moments. And the best way to help with those needs is through communicating to find out what they are. Talk to mom about what you can do to help her, or what she truly needs from you. And then tell her what you need, too. Communication is key and a pivotal part in keeping your sanity. Be there for each other, support each other in any ways you may need, and grow into the amazing parents you are going to be, together. By each others side. What did YOU need from your partner that wasn’t mentioned on this list? Leave us a comment & let us know below!