The Ten Commandments of Access -
And it came to pass that the cries and lamentations of the Access newbies were heard on high by the gods of the Database, and their hearts were moved to pity for their followers. And they opened their mouths and spake, saying: "Nevermore shall the young and innocent wander witless on their journeys! We shall provide guidance to them, yea, and to all who wish to seek the paths of wisdom." And they caused these commandments to be written and placed before the eyes of those seeking enlightenment.