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Complaining Doesn't Work — Here's What Does - Strong Women, Strong Love
A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request ... so just make the request. ~Diane Sawyer There's a great deal of wisdom in that quote from journalist Diane Sawyer. And I'm betting that wisdom played a role in her happy, 26-year marriage with director Mike Nichols. As a psychologist, I've seen many relationships where the opposite is going on. Couples get stuck in a frustrating — and stereotypical — pattern. The wife points out something that's wrong, hoping her husband will address it. He doesn't. So, she complains some more. He withdraws, telling her to back off. Met such a reaction, her initial complaints may escalate into full-blown criticism: "I don't know why I'm even married to you.You never do anything around here!" If this sounds familiar, don't beat yourself up. The fact that you're being upfront and asking for what you need in your marriage is great. Keep talking about what's on your mind, but try the communications tweak I'm about to show you. I think you'll see better results.