7. Relationship patterns and habits - Sexponential
Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. — Ursula K. Le Guin Your relationship is like the house in which your sex drive lives, because our relationships and how we feel within them can have a huge impact on our desire. So being in a relationship that feels safe, trusting, warm and close is crucial for your sex drive. However, if we’ve been in a relationship for a while, especially one where one partner has a lower sex drive, unhelpful patterns and negative feelings can creep in that can dampen our desire. Some of them might have caused a low sex drive, and others caused BY a low sex drive. I found that it feels easier to work on and change ourselves rather than change our relationship, because it involves talking to the other person (eek!) and often making yourself vulnerable. Issues like shame, embarrassment, rejection, neglect and isolation can all complicate the sex drive issue. For me, my relationship was one of the bigger issues I needed to sort out, mainly because there was a lot to cover and particular issues that needed to be addressed. These ranged from me having the confidence to talk it through to even sorting the issues that me having a low sex drive had created. It was long! I’ve divided my search into 5 areas that I realised needed work. I’d love to know what you think or any advice you have along the way. Warmth or affection between us Attraction Having engaging, varied sex Initiation and control Pleasure and sex education Love love, L xx